It's Never Dull

Olfactory Observation

2010-01-19T09:30:00.003-06:00

I received some new hand lotion recently. And it stinks. But the scent reminds me of the Ponds lotion and cream my Grandmother used when I was a little girl. So when I smell this new hand lotion, I am taken back to bed time at Grandma's with us moisturizing our hands and snuggling up together in bed. She would tell me stories as I fell asleep with the scent of Ponds lotion in the air.

My mother wore Chanel No. 5. She hasn't worn it in years - but whenever I catch a whiff of it, I am six years old watching my Mom getting ready to go out on a date with my Dad. So beautiful and glamorous sitting under the hair dryer and polishing her nails. And the hug she would give me before they left would leave me in a cloud of Chanel No. 5. I could still smell her on me when I went to bed later in the evening.

My Dad owned a timber business. He would come home smelling like wood chips and sweat. He worked very hard to provide for his family. The proof of his work and diligence were evidenced every day when he came home to us in the way he smelled.

Lauren by Ralph Lauren smells like my Jr High boyfriend. He gave it to me. I always wore it when I was with him. We both smelled like it most of the time. And every time I wear it now, I think - at least momentarily - of him.

It is reported that the sense of smell is one, if not the, strongest of the senses. I tend to agree with that.

What do your memories smell like?

How do I say this...

2010-01-12T14:47:00.005-06:00

I have this self image. It's how I see me.

Surely I am not unique. Do you have one? Can you relate?

So here's the thing - when I analyze me, how I feel about me, how I feel about my physical presentation of self - I feel like I am getting better. I don't mean this in a vain way - just a statement of confidence way.

I look back at old pictures of me - younger. My skin was smoother. I was thinner. My hair wasn't as gray. You know what I mean - a fresher younger version of me. (or of you.)

But I think I am MOST attractive now. I feel more appealing now than I ever have. I don't feel the years pulling me down as I see in other people my age.

Sure, I'd love to lose some weight, be more physically fit, blah, blah, blah - but for some reason - I still feel better about myself now.

I look at those old pictures and see the younger version of me and while physically, she might be more aesthetically pleasing than I am now, that me didn't didn't know Jack Shit. To me, the beauty of my youth is lost to ignorance of self and inexperience in the world. And to think - I thought I knew it all back then.

Maybe this perception could be explained as living life, self awareness, finally making peace with my hair - whatever. There is a certain sense of maturity and confidence that makes me (you) more attractive to my(your)self.

and mayhaps others.

I wonder if and when I will get to the point in my life where my outer beauty (perception) will lessen for me. How will that feel?

You know what I mean?

Me and My Christmas Cards

2009-12-21T20:34:00.006-06:00

Right after pictures with Santa, my most favorite semi-secular part of Christmas is Christmas cards. Sending AND Receiving.

There is a science to this. Here's how I do mine:

After getting married, I sent Thank You notes and then Christmas cards to all the folks that generously sent us wedding gifts. After a few years, I weeded that list down to the folks that usually responded to my Christmas cards. Family and friends, of course, remain. Since I've had kids, my Christmas card always includes a picture of the kiddos. So I send some cards to my parents' friends so they can see how Lulu and Granddaddy's Texas Babies are growing and how much Sam looks like Lulu did when she was a little girl.

I always order the custom-printed cards. I have our family name and the year printed on the cards. I have all my addresses in a MS Access database and use this to print address labels each year.

Even though the cards are printed with our family name and date, I ALWAYS personally sign our first names and often pen a short message. On 120+ cards. Each year.

And while I don't talk to many of these folks all year long and current contact may be limited to a rare email and holiday greetings, I savor taking the time to sign the cards and think of each of these people/families that have had an impact on my life. The memories of my heart are re-visited each year when I do my Christmas cards. These cards are never a task to be completed but a treasured recollection of all the people I love as well as relationships and experiences I have to be thankful for.

Though I am not a regular Christmas card letter writer, some years I have included letters. When there is tale to tell, I tell it.

So now that you know how I do it - here's my scoring system on receiving cards. And yes, I have received some form of all of these at some point in time.

You send me a card +1000 points
It is pre-printed and you sign it personally +25 points
It is pre-printed and you do not sign it -25 points
It has a picture of your kids, dogs, or ducks (you know who you are) +50 points
It has a picture of your kids, dogs, or ducks & they are really cute +100 points
It has a picture of your entire family on it +50
It has a picture of your entire family on it, you still look 20 years old & haven't gained a pound -500 points
It is not pre-printed & you sign it +40 points
You write a short note +75 points
You make me a Handmade card +200 points
Your card has sparkles (Bling) on it +50
Card artwork designed by you or your child +100 points
You send me a Christmas letter +25 points
You send me a Christmas letter - it is humorous & informative +50 points
You send me a Christmas letter & you brag about your new car/house & brilliant trust fund kids -100 points (seriously, if you can't tell it like it is, don't tell it at all!)
You send me a Christmas card with your kids in front of the Eiffel Tower BONUS +250 points
You include Cash +1 point for every dollar

I do love Christmas and the mail that goes along with it. It's the one time of year I race the kids to the mailbox.

I love it! Love it! Love it!

I love all the folks I send cards to.

I especially love all of you that send me cards. Particularly the ones where they are homemade, they sparkle, you're funny, your kids are cute, your age shows and you send me money!

Keep 'em coming!

A Different Kind of Santa Letter....

2009-12-07T12:11:00.007-06:00

My letter to the General Manager at The Village at Allen about a new policy regarding pictures with the Big Guy (AKA Santa Claus)

December 7, 2009

General Manager

The Village at Allen

190 E Stacy Rd Ste. 1308

Allen, TX 75002

Dear Ms. GM,

I am the parent of three young children who anxiously look forward to seeing Santa Claus every year. Samantha, 10 has special needs. Savannah is eight and my son, Smith, is five. They still believe in and treasure Santa Claus, as do I. For nine of Sam’s 11 Christmases we have had their pictures taken with the Big Guy.

Until last year, we visited the Big Guy at Stonebriar Centre in Frisco. When word got out that the Big Guy had moved I scoured the internet until I found him at The Village at Allen. My kids loved going to see the Big Guy last year. The reindeer and children’s village were a huge hit with them. I liked going to The Village at Allen for the shopping. We all looked forward to going back this year.

We arrived an hour before the doors opened to be first in line as Sam cannot tolerate the anxiety of waiting her turn once she sees Santa. My children played with their Grandmother while I waited on queue. As a line quickly formed I thought surely they would open the doors soon. It was very cold and as one might expect in a line to see Santa, there were lots of children and babies waiting in the cold. I was informed the doors opened at 11AM. This policy should be revisited immediately.

We finally got in the door a little before 11AM. As my children were walking up to see Santa, I went to take a candid picture and was quickly informed that no outside pictures were allowed. I was also informed this was a ‘Mall Decision.’ This is the first time in nine years with the Big Guy I could not take my own pictures. I have ALWAYS purchased a photo package as well as taken candid shots of my children talking to Santa Claus. And while the posed, purchased pictures of my children with Santa are my dearest Christmas treasure, I especially cherish capturing the rapport my children have with the Big Guy while telling him their deepest wishes and hearts’ desires.

One year, when Sam was about four, she started to walk away from Santa when she was done. She paused, turned around and looked at Santa. I asked her if she wanted to hug Santa. Before she could even nod her head, the Big Guy opened his arms and Sam ran into them. If I had not taken my own candid shots, I would not have a tangible memento of this gloriously magical moment in my child’s life.

This will likely be the last year two of my children believe in Santa and I feel your business decision has stolen something from us. The awe-inspiring exchange between children and Santa may never happen again for them. And you robbed us of an opportunity to capture it on film with your selfish financial decision to squeeze a few more dollars out of an already strapped public.

I know the Big Guy is big business for you and I can not fault you for wanting to maintain or even increase your revenue. That is your job and I get it. But Christmas is not only about the bottom line. It is also about CHARITY, peace on earth and loving your fellow man. You demonstrate none of these holiday tenets. I am certain there are some families that cannot afford to purchase the picture packages; especially in these tough economic times. On behalf of all parents you are denying the opportunity to film or photograph their children’s experience with the Big Guy, I say shame on you!

I will take my children wherever the Big Guy is next year. I will take them to see him as long as they will allow me to and as long as I can find him. If he is back at The Village at Allen next year, I will go there and I will purchase my photo package. But I will not spend a single penny with The Village at Allen merchants the other 364 days of the year.

Regards,

tcole

The company you keep...

2009-09-30T14:02:00.005-05:00

Where to start?

I just spent the most incredible weekend with dear friends I have not seen in 20 years. And yes, they are the dearest of friends – even after 20 years of minimal contact.

I’ve told you before about my years at Six Flags Over Georgia. It was an amazing place to work as a teenager. And although Place and Time are an important component of this experience, I recognized this weekend that PEOPLE are the most vital ingredient. Obviously, we cannot go back in time to recreate those years. I have not been back to the park in at least 20 years. The closest I got this visit was driving by it on I-20. But I was immersed in the people and personalities that made it what it was (is) for all of us!

This reunion experience was a curious study in memories, emotions, growth and recollections. (Any sociologist would have had a field day!) Those were some of the best summers of our lives. We literally came of age together – going from gangly, hormonal teenagers to know-it-all young adults. So of course we brought those immortal feelings of youth back with us to this reunion. It was mentioned that back then we were "10 feet tall and bullet proof." But now, as adults, we are forced to see our lives and relationships through a more mature lens. Today we know – as we remembered those no longer with us - that none of us are immortal. I believe this realized lack of immortality gave us a new appreciation for each other.

In spite of the years and distance, we fell back into place together. Just like your favorite, faded, thread-bare concert t-shirt. The crazy over exaggerated feelings of youth washed through us all. The humor, laughter, teasing, arguing, and loving were all present. Still, we had to spend some time putting the teenage angst into the context of (semi-) mature adults. What I discovered is this: These people I believed to be amazing as teenagers ARE amazing adults today.

On a less mature note, I don’t think I got more than eight hours sleep in three nights. It was like no one wanted to go to sleep. We wanted to soak in every minute we had together. As I told some of my Six Flags friends yesterday, I remember crying at the close of every summer when I had to go home to Mississippi. My Dad would tell me that the sadness is a reflection of what a good time I had and how much I cared for the people I was leaving. The sadness and pain are proportional to the joy and love. After the last good bye was said in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I cried all over again for the exact same reasons.

It is almost impossible to put to words how it felt to look into the familiar faces of adults when the last time I saw them they were the countenance of youth. It was difficult to express to these people without embarrassing myself how much it meant to spend time with them again. As much as I love to be the center of attention, I found myself sitting back this weekend – listening, laughing, and taking it all in.

For the record, there were several folks who were unable to attend. You know who you are. You were not forgotten. I love you too! And YOU were sorely missed.

In looking back over this weekend’s pictures, there are smiles and laughter on all the faces. There was a warmth in that room you would be hard pressed to reproduce anywhere. We were not all the best of buddies back then. Some of us did not even know each other, but the bond of Six Flags Alumni is strong and undeniable.

Simply put, I LOVE these people. The memories of us together – then and now - are imprinted on my heart. I am the woman I am because of the relationships and experiences we share. You make me laugh until my sides ache. You make me cry until my eyes swell shut. You are my past. You are my present.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of yours.

I am honored.

(except for you, Tom. I still owe you!)

I hold these truths to be self-evident

2009-09-08T14:36:00.006-05:00

I have decided maybe it's time I write my own personal Declaration of Experience...

I have learned a great deal about me, my life and me living my life in my first 41 years. I know there is much more to be learned. And I look forward to those life lessons.

But right now I have decided that I do know a few things about myself and about life. You are so lucky as to have me share them with you...

I am fiercely independent. In thought and action.

This also translates into the fact that I detest being micromanaged by ANYONE. Tell me what you need, how you envision it done and when you need it. THEN BACK OFF.
If I ask your opinion on something, it is usually as a courtesy. So unless you make an exceptional argument for your cause, I'm gonna do it my way anyway.

I am loyal to a fault. To friends and family
If you are important to me, I got your back! Sometimes to my own detriment.

I hate snakes. Dead. Live. Plastic. Real. ALL.OF.THEM.

I am not an "Animal Person." Before you get all worked up, I do make exceptions for exceptional animals. Have been very attached to quite a few over the years. Just not the Animal Kingdom as a whole.

I believe the absolute VERY best advice I've had the privilege to learn first hand is to surround yourself with quality people. Find people with strong work ethics, high moral standards, intelligence, wit, common sense, and creativity. Seek these people out. Befriend them. They will almost always pull you up and at times even insulate you from the mistakes you would otherwise make.

Another life lesson learned is to seek out people different from you. Whether it be religion, politics, nationality, social caste, education level - whatever you perceive to separate you from them. Draw these folks in and learn about them. Learn from them. Teach them about you. I have always found our similarities are greater than our differences. And at the same time, I expanded my own life's point of reference.

I have learned that, on average, I will come to regret about 50% of the words that come out of my mouth. This realization does not stop me from saying stupid or hurtful things. Thus far I have not figured out how to turn my Insensitive Speaker off, I am just aware that it happens. And wanted you to know that I know.

If you need prescription medication to live a normal life, TAKE IT! If your child needs them - GIVE THEM TO YOUR CHILD. I know many people do not agree with this. Fine. You live your life. My family and I will live ours. I tried alternative methods. I know what works in my house. Doesn't matter what you call the problem. Does not matter how many labels they assign to your 'issues'. Really. It does NOT matter. If there is pharmacology that helps you (or your child) level out and actually enjoy each other and life, then by all means, USE it.

Seek out experts. Do your homework. Ask questions. Be prepared. READ! Plan ahead. And sometimes it really is better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Your children grow so much faster than you could ever imagine. At least mine have. My son, at five, still asks me to pick him up. And I almost always do. Because I never know when it will be the last time he asks me to do so. He asks me to walk him to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. I always do. Soon he will be too embarrassed to even hug me.
Enjoy every second. They go by way too fast.

Tell people you love them. Tell them specifically the impact they have had on your life. You need to say it and they need to hear it. This is one of the most life-sustaining habits I have. And I should do it more often.

So that's not all I have learned. Thankfully. But it's a start. And some of the most important lessons I can share with anyone bold enough to read this.

What have you learned?

need some love

2009-04-06T07:07:00.003-05:00

Attention All Blog Buddies, Family and Friends.

I need for you to go here:

http://www.livefromthe205.com/

and give my friend from High School, Class of 86, Kim some serious blog love.
She lost her husband last month and is struggling mightily.
Go read about it and love on her for me please.
Pass this on if you can.

you don't say

2009-04-04T12:14:00.002-05:00

so I am brushing and braiding Savvy's hair last night.
She tells me that her friend 'Suzie' tore her paper doll on the bus.

me - "I am sure it was an accident."
her - "Nope. She did it on purpose. She bullies me on the bus."
me - "Really???!!!"
her - "Yeah - she said I was as stupid as a rock."
me - "seriously????"
her - "Yep."
me - "Did you tell Mr. John?" Mr. John being the bus driver.
her - "No, Suzie lies a lot to get out of trouble."
me - "Did you say anything mean to Suzie?"
her - "No. Never."
me - "Really???? And do you ever lie to get out of trouble?"
her - "Only to you."

now that, I believe....

where's mine?

2009-03-29T08:50:00.002-05:00

Since joining Facebook over a year ago, I have become reintroduced to a lot of folks from my past. High school, college, summer jobs, ex coworkers, blogger friends, even some family. It has been a fantastic experience. And I have enjoyed almost every single second of it.

But I have noticed a strange phenomenon. I had two really close girlfriends through High School and College. I am still in contact with both of them. The three of us made a pact in high school to graduate virgins. And we did. (at least they say they did.) We've been through a lot together over the years. Good, Bad and Otherwise.

They were the petite, pretty ones growing up. The guys were always crazy about them. I was the observer of their relationships. the confidant and advisor.

sometimes jealous. sometimes not.

now, I am certainly jealous.

I have reconnected with two different men on FB. Each guy dated one of my bestest girlfriends for awhile when we were teenagers.

One of these men told me about one girlfriend, "She has always been my 'What If Girl'?"

The other man said to me this just week about the other girlfriend, "I wonder if she knows she is the only woman I have ever really loved?"

WHAT THE HECK????!!!!!

Where's my guy? I want one. I don't necessarily want him now. I just want to know there is a guy out there that thinks he let the best thing in his life (me) get away.

Is that too much to ask? THEY got one.

where's mine?

cole crime spree

2009-03-18T12:12:00.003-05:00

in the past couple weeks, Savvy has brought me some beautiful red tulips (bulb and all) she found blooming on the side of the road.

Now I know tulips do not grow wild but I could not figure out where she was getting them. I asked her and she told me from the empty lot "over there." She spotted them when she was riding on the bus. And knows that tulips are her mother's most favorite flower.

It was sweet, but suspicious at the same time.

So on Sunday, after Savvy had gone to Mississippi, the rest of the kids and I went for a walk. I asked Smith - where is Savvy getting those flowers from. He shows me. Oh Shit.

And while I can understand why it would look like an empty lot to a 7 year old, I KNOW it is the neighbor's land and SHE planted them.

I didn't say anything and we went on about our walk.

On the way back, neighbor woman met me at the end of drive. Super nice lady. We started talking and before she could even bring it up, I asked her if she had planted some tulips?

Yes, in fact, she had. My horror confirmed. My flower bed now contains stolen merchandise.

I apologized profusely. Told her that the child responsible was not present but would be coming to see her soon.
So Savvy doesn't know it but when she gets back from Lulu's, she is taking nice neighbor lady a pot of tulips.
It was an honest mistake. One of kindness and thoughtfulness.
Humiliating, none the less...

And then yesterday, Sam and I at the grocery store. She spies the bulk candy. I tell her No Way! in no uncertain terms. That it is stealing when you take candy and don't pay for it.

I turn my head for two seconds and then next thing I know she has a guilty look on her face and won't meet my eyes.
and this is one of those times You Just Know...

I made her open her mouth and sure enough - full of candy.

Okay. Deep breath. Teaching Moment.

I tell her when I get done at the pharmacy, she is going to the store mgr and tell him she stole his candy - AFTER her mother told her not to.

There is a small voice in the back of my head praying for a mgr with kids who understands the value of a good lesson.

So walking out, I approach the store manager, and tell him my daughter has something to tell him.
Sam is mute.
Raw fear in her eyes.
So I explain to him that I told her not to eat the candy, that it was stealing but she did it anyway.
and I saw the faintest upturn of the corner of his lips and that little voice in my head said "PHEW!"

Sam immediately apologized.
He asked her if she understood that what she did was wrong.
Nods, up and down.
And he tells her that her Mom is trying to teach her right from wrong and she should listen to me.
(I love this guy now!)
I ask her if there is anything else she wants to tell him?
She tells him she will never do it again.
And I believe her!

Did I ever tell you about the time she stole the tennis shoes from Nordstoms when she was THREE years old?

it's never dull....

second verse, same as the first

2009-03-12T17:10:00.003-05:00

So we lost the contract on our house today. The buyer cancelled it. After an inspection, appraisal, septic system inspection and much negotiation grief.

He said it was too much work.

No, really buying and selling a house is supposed to fun? You don't say.

We had just today made an offer on another house. One we liked very much. 1 acre in the city. Husband's dream shop. Had checked out the schools and whatnot. Were in the process of negotiating terms of our offer when the cancellation came through.

I think we call this back to square one. I HATE this.
HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!

Have also learned that before we can sell our house to another buyer we have to install a new 'county approved' septic system. Bye Bye $6500.

On the upside, I don't have to pack and move. I guess that's something...

taking care of second base

2009-03-06T16:16:00.004-06:00

Been under a HUGE amount of stress lately - and not the good kind.

So you can imagine my amusement on Tuesday of this week when I discovered a lump in my right breast. which, I might add, is a small miracle in itself. I could have a Mini Coop in my boobs and not notice it on most days. (If you've ever met my chest, you understand)

So i phoned my OB/GYN Wednesday morning and she worked me in that afternoon.

And can you go in and just have them check your boobies???

NOOOOOO, you gotta have the oil checked too - far and away one of my least favorite activities.
And when did they start asking you to squeeze their fingers? I'm like "Okay, am I squeezing now?"
"Yeah?"
"Good."

so she sends me for a diagnostic mammogram. That just means if they find anything with the regular mammogram, they can take you in the next room and do a sonogram right then.

Had my mammys grammed this morning. And Oh Boy was that fun.
Seriously, who wouldn't enjoy having their boobies smashed until they were 16 inches across. I am not kidding - i looked. the glass is calibrated. 16 inches wide 2 inches thick.

And I know why they mush them so tight - so you can't escape and KILL the technician when she tells you to inhale and hold it. Talk about wanting to Reach Out And Touch Someone! You are so relieved when she hits the Release button you forget about wanting to KILL her. Until she hits the SMASH button again. Vicious, nasty cycle.

So she finishes the smashing part and takes me to a private waiting room while the radiologist reads the films. She says that if he sees anything, they will do the sonogram.

So I'm sitting in there mumbling Please Don't Find Anything. Please Don't Find Anything.

And apparently they do. Find something.Cause I am off to the sonogram room.

And the same technician is in there that did my hystosonogram three years ago. She found polyps in my uterus. I take this as a sign.

So she tells me to lay on the bed. I do. and of course previously smashed boobies sag into the armpit. Some women compare their post nursing boobs to sports socks with tennis balls in them. I have stretched out shower caps with cantaloupes in them. And when i lay on my back, the melon is in the pits.

I have to lie on my left side so she can do the sonogram in the right place.
Sonogram shows nothing. Nada!
I show her where the lump is. Still nothing.

I'm like, "what the heck???!!!"
she then tells me that the radiologist on duty ALWAYS has the sonogram done on diagnostic mammograms. Alrighty then. (audible exhale)

So she finds nothing and then tells me she is going to show the results to the radiologist and he will come talk to me.

Okay - some strange guy is going to check out second base now. Not that this has never happened before, but it's been awhile and I wasn't prepared for this today. Seriously, I would have worn lipstick if I'd known boys were invited to the party.

As I am contemplating my lack of cosmetics, Mr. Radiologist walks in. Introduces himself and proceeds to feel me up with the sonogram wand.
I am thinking he just wanted to see the chick welding the 16 inch wide tatas.

He tells me - And I Quote, "You have fantastic breasts
tissue."

I have been told many things by many men over the years about my breasts; this is a first. I have fantastic breast tissue!?!?!?!?!

He continues to explain that there are four types of breast tissue going from dense to not dense. in the case of a mammogram, not dense is best for seeing foreign objects. So what he was really saying that my boobs are see through - or something like that...

So he tells me I am free to go - no worries. Oh, but do follow up with the Breast Specialist. Seriously, they have breast specialist? I know oh so many men that would LOVE to sign up for that gig.

So girls - go get your girls checked out.
It ain't a lick of fun - but it's good for you!

never been one for secrets...

2009-03-05T08:57:00.002-06:00

Which might explain why I have felt like exploding lately....

Have not told everything I know - primarily because I didn't want to jinx anything or cause undue alarm. That is so not me. Have always been a What You See Is What You Get type gal. And being a WYSIWYG is not always easy or fun. But it's who I am. In my DNA.

So hear goes -
Currently have a contract on our house. Yes, Virginia, we have a BUYER!
We put a bid in on a house that I have been watching for nine months. Did not get that house. Totally bummed.
So now have to find somewhere we like and can move into within six weeks.
Have actually been questioning why we are moving. Is the benefit really there? (and it is - but it's just such a PITA!)

My next door neighbor and dearest of friends had brain surgery last month. Heavy duty 3" hole in the head surgery. And she is making a fantastic recovery - but still scared the living crap out of me.

Found a lump in my breast two days ago. went to the OB/GYN yesterday to have it looked at. And decided it was really sad when the most 'action' I have had in months is getting felt up by the GYN. Anywho, doctor believes it is not malignant but still have to have the mammys grammed and checked out further. JUST what I needed right now. NOT!

There are other things - minor in comparison - but there's more. Don't have the energy to go into all of it now.

And today is the most wonderful Mom in the world's birthday.
Love you Mom! Hope it is a fantabulous day for you.
Lord knows you deserve it!

Love,
Your WYSIWYG daughter

Life Lesson #237

2009-01-17T17:29:00.002-06:00

IF you have given birth to three kids -
THE old fashioned way - utilizing the VaJayJay -
IT is a VERY good idea to go pee BEFORE you gallop on a horse across the pasture.

I'm just saying...

Lost and Found and Lost

2009-01-11T08:54:00.013-06:00

I have just returned from a trip to Mississippi I never wanted to make.
I helped bury a friend this week.

My parents have lived in the same house for going on 33 years. All those many years - they have had the same neighbors. And we have always said they are the best neighbors money CAN'T buy. You could not special order better folks to live next door to for 33 years.

And that's a long time to live in one place. My parents home, the neighborhood and our neighbors are integral components of my Sense of Place. When my spirit goes home, this is where it goes. The houses, the dirt, the trees, and especially the people tie me to who I am. It was disconcerting when Katrina came through and wiped out many of the trees I had played in as a kid.

Losing a person from this place is devastating to my inner compass. I ache for myself, to be sure. But I also ache for his mother, father, sister, step daughter, and bride. Yes, he had been married less than a year to his soul mate when he was taken from us.

DW was five years older than me. We were never best buddies in the secret-telling sense. He pestered the life out of me as only a big brother type can. I remember whacking him with a hairbrush during one of his pester sessions and BREAKING the hair brush. He just laughed at me. (He knew my Mom was going to KILL me.)

But when it came down to brass tacks, DW was the one who beat up the neighborhood bully for bothering me. I knew he loved me - in a aggravating ingratiating way.

We grew up. Went to college, moved away, got married. Me, to a fantastic man. DW, on the other hand, did not have that same fortune in his first marriage.

When I had babies, his Mom and Dad told me they would like to adopt my kids as their own. I was beyond flattered and THRILLED. Due to various circumstances, they believed they would never have biological grandkids. And mine would fit the bill. So they became Momma G and Poppa D. I was in Mississippi when Smith was born and Momma G was in the delivery room with us. She was the one insisting I "Hurry Up!" Apparently her third grandchild was not getting here quick enough...

Poppa D picked Savvy up at daycare that day and brought her to the hospital to meet her new little brother. And when we tell the story of when Brother was born - that's her line, "Poppa D brought me to the hospital!"

Through the years, Momma G and Poppa D kept me updated on DW and where his life was taking him. They were pained over his relationships, his lack of direction for his life, and various other challenges. They never once expressed disappointment in him to me - but always a strong desire for life to be better for him.

DW loved his parents silly. One would be hard pressed to find a bigger Momma's Boy. In the early 90's he gave his mother one of his kidneys without batting an eye.

And simply put - he thought his Daddy walked on water and could do no wrong. I have no doubt there were many years where the only thing that pulled him through was the love and support of his parents.

And I know - at the same time Momma G and Poppa D kept me up on DW - they were telling him of my challenges, missteps and triumphs. At one time I know he was reading this blog to keep up with me. He even told me how much he enjoyed it.

A few years ago, his marriage to the first wife came to an end.

And not long after, I got word that a new woman was on the scene. And Momma G and Poppa D really liked her. I was told she hadn't really wanted to go out with DW at first. (THIS I could understand!) But go out they did and it wasn't long before Cupid had his way with them.

In my life I have seen men (and some women) with untapped potential wandering aimlessly through life until they met the right person. And that right person doesn't necessarily make the lost wanderer a better person, but serves as the catalyst for bringing out the best in them.

And this is how it was for DW and J. He was always kind, gentle, funny, charming (choke), and brilliant. But he was the wanderer. Lost in his life without serious purpose or a real sense of direction. Falling in love with J gave him purpose, direction and a reason to be the man he was predestined to be.

But we will never know how this love story should have ended.

In January of 2008, he went for his yearly physical.
That was the beginning of the end. The disease he was ultimately diagnosed with has no cure and is very rare.

Realizing that time was precious and nothing is certain, they married in May, 2008.

DW left J on Sunday, January 4, 2009. Before their first wedding anniversary.

I am told his passing was peaceful and he was surrounded by people that loved and adored him. He was aware up to the very end and his last I love you was for his mother. He had previously told J he loved her and did not want to leave her.

I hurt for Momma G, Poppa D and J. For his sister and step daughter too.

It's not natural for a parent to outlive a child.
Or for a bride to bury her groom.

and my sense of place is rattled. altered forever.

I love you DW...
always did...

but if you tell anyone, I'LL deny it!

Here Comes Santa Claus

2008-12-17T09:35:00.008-06:00

Sometime back around Thanksgiving Hubby came home from work to tell me that My Santa was no longer at the same mall. He had left. My Santa. Gone. MIA. AWOL.

So being the resourceful Mom that I am, I Googled Santa Claus.

Found him. You can run - but you can't hide.

He moved. New location. Outdoors - so now he can bring his Reindeer. Yep, real live reindeer.

So if you are looking for The Big Guy - he is no longer at Stonebriar Mall but at the Village in Allen. And he is just as wonderful as he always was. I LOVE this man. seriously. I tear up every time I take the kids to see him. He makes ME believe in Santa. LOVE LOVE LOVE him!

See for yourself...

Next in line to see The Big Guy! With life-long BFF's kiddos.

Here's Santa!!!

Enjoying the Post Santa Glow...

And they have this cool kid-size Christmas Village.

(Savvy is caught in the act!)

Exactly where my girls need to be - the BANK!

Don't forget the reindeer.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

there's a new man in my life

2008-11-10T09:17:00.003-06:00

my mother introduced me to him.
I don't know what she was thinking.
she, of all people, knows what an addictive personality I have.

He is already causing problems with my marriage. I don't pay enough attention to my hubby because I am constantly distracted with my new love.

But I cannot stop myself. I am addicted to him. Cannot get enough.
He's a home-boy from Mississippi which doesn't help matters. Common Ground. I automatically feel a real connection with him.

And my biggest turn-on ever - intellectual men with big vocabularies. (I know what you thought I was going to say! Shame on you - this is a family blog)

And he is a master with his hands. Few compare.

what's a girl to do? All I can think about is getting my hands on him. I look for him whenever I go out. Hoping to catch site of him. So I can take him home with me once again. Once, twice - it's just not enough!

It is too long between each experience.
But I just can't do this right now. The timing is awful.
Three young kids - all in school. Homework, lunches to pack.

I will have to wait until the holidays and next summer before I can start a full-out obsession and immerse myself in him.

and his work.

he's a writer. an author. a musician. and downright sexy.

Greg Iles. And if you haven't read him yet - I invite you to become obsessed too.

Just remember he was mine first.

i got a new camera

2008-11-06T14:40:00.006-06:00

Purty cool, huh?

The Results

2008-11-03T16:07:00.001-06:00

Do I LOOK like I'm having fun?

2008-11-03T08:28:00.003-06:00

My van was totaled.

There, I said it.

Everyone is fine. no serious injuries.

THANKFULLY!

But this was the van we had ONE more payment on.

New au pair was going to pick son up at school and drove into a tree.

Ouch.

Not exactly sure what happened - just know it was 30 yards out of the driveway and she was messing with the radio.

Did I mention we had one more payment?

Bless her heart - it scared her to death.

Hell, it scared me to death!

We have been having a rough adjustment period since she got here. I think my kiddos are more than she bargained for. (truth be told, they are more than I bargained for!)

But she is really trying. She does want to be here.

It's just a lot at once - for ANYONE!

I went to Houston this past weekend for a dear friend's 50th birthday party. I physically had to split the kids up so they would be taken care of and would not KILL each other.

Savvy to Mema's. Smith to Uncle J and Aunt M. Sam at home with Daddy and new au pair.

one payment left ...

i am dwelling, aren't I?

Chin up.
Shoulders back.
Onward...

2008-10-16T13:26:00.003-05:00

We are almost through week three with the new au pair.
She is darling, sweet, cute, funny and trying very hard.

It is completely different than the last go 'round.
Due to my potential audience, I will not go into a lot of detail.

But we are all working very hard to make this a successful year.
Okay, let me restate that...
The new au pair, Hubby and I are working very hard to make this a successful year. My three kids are still well on their way to making the grown ups batty.

On the Milestones of Life front, my four year old son is riding the school bus to school in the mornings. This was not my plan or idea.

I have been taking Savvy and Smith to school every morning - although the bus comes by our house. However, when the new au pair got here, I could not get all three kids to school on time so we had to do some finagling of schedules. New au pair and I would drop Savvy and Smith off at the cousins' house and they would ride the bus from their house to school - with the older cousins. That would allow new au pair and me the time necessary to drive Sam to school in Dallas.

So now, new au pair can drive to Dallas with Sam on her own. And I was going to go back to taking the other two to school every morning. Mainly because I did not want my four year old son on the bus.

But Savvy decided she wanted to ride the bus in the morning. Okay, if she got up early and was ready - she could ride the bus. Easy enough.
She did this for two days and I took Smith to school those days.

Yesterday, Savvy, in her best snake-oil salesman tone, convinced Smith he wanted to ride the bus with her.

At this point she then tells me that after the bus picks her up, it goes and picks up older cousins. (who I know will look after both of them.)

My biggest concern was that the older kids on the bus would pick on him. And Savvy would not stand up to them on his behalf.

Their cousin, a Sr. in high school, is #2 in the state of Texas in ALL classes for weight lifting. I am not so worried about any one picking on my kids with big buff cousin around.

So now, with a combination of pride and grief, I walk both kids to the end of the driveway and put them on the school bus each morning.
and tell myself it is going to be okay.
that they are supposed to grow up and be independant.
that this is my ultimate responsibility - to raise self-sufficient kids.

just didn't know i was going to take such a big leap this week...

sniff, sniff...

Raise Your Arms, Watch Your Knees

2008-09-19T18:04:00.015-05:00

& Exit to Your Left Please!

If I had a dollar for every time I said that between 1984 and 1988 - I would be considerably richer than I am today.

The summer after I turned 16 it was time to get a summer job and the small Mississippi town I grew up in didn't offer a lot of choices. I have always been one to dream big so I decided I wanted to work at Six Flags Over Georgia.

Cool. So I took the Amtrak train to Atlanta. One of my Mom's childhood friends picked me up and took me for an interview. I got the job. FABULOUS! Now, where in the heck am I going to stay. My Mom's friend lived too far from the park for that to work.

So my brilliant mother came up with an idea from her youth. She grew up in the Georgia Baptist Children's home in Atlanta. Most summers the 'orphans' (as they called themselves) went to visit with a family somewhere in Georgia.

So Mom whipped up a letter about her daughter wanting to work at Six Flags and was looking for a family that lived near Six Flags that would take on a boarder for the summer. I am serious. We sent the letter to several churches in the Six Flags area. We got one call. As we quickly discovered - it only takes one call.

The family I met and lived with for the next FIVE summers is my family. by choice. I am still in touch with them and their beautiful, talented kids. (they read this sometimes and I want them to know I LOVE THEM TO ABSOLUTE PIECES!)

Meeting them and having them in my life all these years has been the best benefit of those summers at SFOG.

But about the job. It was a real world case of Country Come to Town!

Small town girl meets big city kids.

They smoked, cussed, drank and had sex. Well maybe not all of them - but they were a lot more mature and sophisticated than I was.

I had crushes on all the guys and wanted to be like all the girls. Seriously.

And it was not all fun and games. We worked 8 hour shifts - often in the blazing hot Georgia sun on black asphalt. I worked rides - there was NO AC. I had the absolute best farmer's tan for years. I think I could still find tan lines from those summers! On Saturdays, we could deal with upwards of 40,000 guests in the park. Trust me - that's a lot of people. Concert nights were nothing less than controlled chaos and brought out ALL the freaks.

My Mom used to tell me when I was growing up, "Honey, you have to watch out for the weirdo's out there. They look just like you and me - but they are weird."

After my first concert night I called my Mom. "Mom, you are right. There are weirdos out there - but they don't look like me and you any longer!" Remember this was 1984. I saw kids with piercings in places most people hadn't even dreamed of piercing yet. I thought I was cutting edge then b/c I had one ear pierced twice. One chick had on a halter top of duct tape. wrapped in cones around her boobies. (imagine taking that OFF!)

Chains, spikes, colored hair, leather...

Oh yes, I got a lot of 'exposure' in my formative teenage years.

And then there were lost, snotty kids. Parents who did not want to follow park regulations - even when it was for their own kid's SAFETY! I saw first hand what happened when you put a kid on a ride they were not mature enough for. Broken teeth, bloody noses, vomiting, black eyes - you name it. I escorted my fair share of those to First Aide.

In spite of all the challenges, those were the very best summers of my entire life.

I grew up. I learned how to deal with the public - on a very large scale. I learned how to be a part of team and work with others. I learned responsibility - being the operator for one of those multimillion dollar rides is nothing to sneeze at. Not only are you responsible for the ride - but for the lives of the folks riding it. Their safety is your number one responsibility. And back then - we didn't have Start/Stop buttons. The coasters had hand breaks. You started and stopped those trains on skill. not computers.

I remember one day, a guest had caused a problem; I called in security. They were escorting Mr. Problem out of the park and he came at me physically. I was operating The Great American Scream Machine, a gigantic wooden coaster with two trains on. my supervisor was in my ear - "t_cole - concentrate on the trains. take care of the trains. security will take care of you." And they did - and I learned how to work under pressure.

I got to meet a few of the headliner acts that came through. Let's see, I guess the biggest was Duran Duran. I actually saw girls fainting and crying - like those old Beetles films. I was borderline hyperventilating myself. The operations director - also a friend - told me to leave the area. I looked him dead in the eye and said 'not on your life.' He laughed, let me stay and I got to meet the boys.

Also met Bill Medley of the Righteous Brothers, Richard Marx and Glass Tiger. Waved at President Jimmy Carter from the train. I know there were more - but they're not coming to me.

But the absolute very best part of the job was not the superstars met but the folks I worked with every day. We worked hard and we played harder. Not before nor since have I known a more energetic, fun-loving group of people.

It was hot. We were sweaty. The park was crowded and noisy. Best of all, we were immortal, hormonal teenagers working in an amusement park. It was a larger than life adventure for us every day. You can't bottle that.

Through the power of the internet and SFOG alumni groups on networking sites, I have recently been in touch with a few of these (once) teenage co-workers. It has been so rewarding to hear that for the most part, they remember it as fondly as I do.

You can't go back. Nor am I trying to. I started at SFOG when I was 16. My last summer I was 20. I went from being an awkward teenager to a worldy young adult in those years. Growing up at SFOG is a permanent part of me and my life's history. Those folks and our shared experiences play a part in who I am today.

and I wouldn't have it any other way...

One week left...

2008-09-18T12:25:00.003-05:00

Until the new au pair arrives. Also from Germany.

I have finally leveled off on the emotions and quit crying every time au pair extraordinaire text messages me. I am finding my way without her. It still just sucks. And reminds me greatly how much she added to our family.

But on we go.

My Mom came out this week to help and next week Dad will be here. Last week the in-laws pulled Grand Kid Duty. God bless them all...

I am worried about the expectations thing with the new au pair. I mean, how do you top perfect?

I know, I know, different is okay. And the local coordinator told me I need to wipe the slate clean - start fresh. No expectations. okay. makes sense.

But come on, people. I am human.

But I am trying.

I need my kids to try too - so they don't have her run screaming for the first flight out of Texas in the first 24 hours...

This is going to be so much fun.

I am smiling, dammit...

Bye Bye Most Wonderful Au Pair in the Universe

2008-09-06T17:49:00.004-05:00

I am completely inconsolable.

My MOM gave me permission to cry all day long if I want.

And I want.

Our au pair left today.

I have hurt all day long. could not put words to it. and i was thinking about her and memories of our year and i remembered her introducing hubby and me as her Host Parents.

Host Parents.
Parents.

THAT'S IT!! my child has left home !

and even worse, it's my favorite child.

When I could finally put words to my emotions, I told the Hubby. He said that can't be what I'm feeling. If one of our kids had left home, we would be partying! (And he has a point)

But I have an empty place. If you had told me a year ago that this 18 year old womanchild would come into our lives and make such a huge difference in our qualify of life - I would not have believed you.

But she did. It was not an easy job. And it certainly was not often fun.
But she stuck with it and almost always went above and beyond what was called for.

When I was 12, I started going away for the summers. Camp, boarding school, summer job at SFOG. And I always hated the good byes at the end of the summer. I would more often than not come home crying. My Dad always told me if I had not had a great time and if I did not care about the people I had befriended, it would be easy to leave. And he was not telling me not to have a good time. Or not to develop attachments to my friends. I always thought he was telling me that this is all part of it. It's how you know that you really care. That there was something pure and good in the experience or the relationship. And that something or someone has meaning in your life.

Daddy said the same thing to me today...

I have had a wonderful year. And I love her to pieces.

and my child has left home.

pandering to special needs

2008-09-05T10:38:00.003-05:00

i watched her speech the other night. she said that parents of special needs kids would have a friend in the white house if her ticket were elected.

and I thought about that...

and i resented her implying that after being the mother of a special needs child for five months or so she knows what my life is like and can relate. Let's talk again when you have been the mother of a special needs child for nine plus years.

And then I watched this...

blechk!

i too am a woman of faith. i also believe my children are gifts from God and i am privileged to be entrusted with their lives and up bringing.

However, I have never for a nano-second considered Sam's challenges and disabilities to be a blessing of any sort. I would not trade her for anything. And I would like to believe there is some purpose to her differences, but given a choice, i would take her without the challenges over what she now faces any day.

I would also like to believe that divine intervention brought her to us because we are equipped to provide what she needs. In our home, that is mostly true. but i know for fact this intentional divine placement is not true for millions of special needs kids. they are born into all kinds of families. they are abandoned, incarcerated and institutionalized.

so i guess, at this point in the game, i would have to say I'm just not buying what you are selling.

A Day At the Lake

2008-09-03T10:37:00.002-05:00

This is the before picture.
There is no after picture.

So let me tell you ALL about it.

Family day at the lake. All six of us (including au pair extraordinaire). Add Boat, Extra Large Bum Buster. Shake and Stir.
Savvy and Au Pair take a spin. It looks FUN!
Momma talks Smith into taking a spin.
Smith agrees.
Smith has fun.
Momma has fun.
They laugh.
They wave.
Daddy drives too fast.
Daddy crosses wake of other boat
Momma and Smith bounce.
They bounce A LOT.
They bounce out of the Bum Buster and skim across the surface of the lake like a rock skipping on a pond.
Momma had the presence of mind to grab Smith from behind and hold him close to her chest whilst skipping across lake.
When skipping ceases, Mom and Smith are found bobbing in lake - miles from any shore.
Smith would be the one screaming bloody murder.
Momma would be the one laughing like a lunatic, trying to convince Smith that this was FUN.
Momma turns Smith around in the water to face her.
Smith glares at Momma with a look that indicates that he had NO IDEA WHATSOEVER that coming out of the Bum Buster was even a remote possibility.
Smith was returned to the boat.
Momma was dragged onto the boat.

For the rest of the day, Smith told everyone that the next time we go to the lake, he is going to Mema's house.

Roll Call, Day Two

2008-08-27T11:09:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was the 2ND day of the '08-'09 school year.

Thus far this year...

2 Doctor appointments

1 ear infection

1 nose bleed in class

1 with lice

3 kids that wake in the morning tell me how much they hate school

6 lunches packed

$50 in milk money sent

$200+ spent on prescriptions

Today we get the stuff for the cookie dough and wrapping paper fund raiser. F.U.N.

The first day of school is far and away my most favorite day of the year.
apparently, it goes downhill from there.

it's the little things that get ya...

2008-08-19T14:16:00.002-05:00

Here's my latest rub...

In buying school supplies for the kids from the list prepared by their schools, there is always one item I cannot find. Last year it was that stupid 12X18 manila paper....

This year, it's complicated.

My son will be in Pre-K. He requires a 3-Ring Binder. Sounds easy enough. Sure.
I want him to have a cool one. You know - Batman, Spiderman, Cars, Power Rangers or dinosaurs.

I got Savvy a Camp Rock one. And you can find those at road side produce stands. But can you find a cool 3-ring binder for a boy?
Heck, No!

I have been to Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreen's, Ton Thumb, Kroger's - nothing. All I find are Hannah Montana, High School Musical, cute little puppies, more Camp Rock, the Jonas Brothers and pink ones with polka dots.

I swear to you - not a single one for a hip little boy unless you get plain blue. (and that ain't so hip.)

I have been looking for three weeks. I kid you not!

I know it's stupid. My son is not even aware of my quest for the holy 3-ring binder. And he would likely be happy with a plain blue one. Which is probably what he is going to get...

Such is the misery of an over achieving mother with misplaced priorities...

How Do You Spell

2008-08-12T12:19:00.001-05:00

F.E.A.R.L.E.S.S???

At our house, we spell it

S.A.V.V.Y

seriously had to write this down

2008-07-29T09:18:00.003-05:00

Every once in a blue moon do I have an experience or hear something that just MUST be blogged. This is one of those...

At my hubby's new job he works with a man from Liberia. It has been interesting to see Americans through his eyes.

During orientation my hubby was sitting by him and probably to some extent goaded him on....

The speaker was explaining the company's wellness program. After a few statements, Ahbed raised his hand. He says, "You mean to tell me that you are going to pay people to eat right and exercise?"
the response, "Yes."
Ahbed, "That's crazy. You should eat right and exercise because you want to be healthy."

He went on to ask if the company had told the employees at the light rail shop about this plan because "there are some seriously fat people over there."

One day at lunch we realized how carelessly Americans use the English language. Someone on their team made the comment "I'm starving."
This really set Ahbed off...
"You people do not know starving. In my country, Starving IS Starving."

I love that.
No wonder people see Americans as fat and lazy....

chew on that a while.

The Problem with Blogging...

2008-06-20T11:05:00.004-05:00

At least for me - is if you take a sabbatical or go on a WalkAbout it is very hard to come back into the blogging fold.
I feel an obligation to 'splain my absence as well as catch you up on the happenings in my life.

so here goes the Catch Up Entry....

Bon Jovi concert was excellent - GREAT seats!
The right guy won American Idol - Serious Mrs. Robinson fantasy running through my mind.
Have a new litter of kittens. Now trying to keep the kids from killing them
Kids are out of school - Sam is already in MS with Grandparents and currently en route to Disney World with her Grandmother and baby sitter.
The grass needs mowing
I had shoulder surgery three weeks ago today and my whole d*mn arm still hurts.
My Mom came and took care of me. I love her anew!
Had something good happen for me at work - not adding details - but made the last few HORRID months of work seem not so horrid.
Had something bad happen at work - some long time colleagues were laid off last week. Always sucks.
Relisting our house on Monday to sell so that we can move closer to Dallas (and Sam's school)
Have done TONS of work on our place - almost too nice to leave now.
Monthly gas cost are in excess of $850. Must move closer to town...
The house that we really like for moving into is on the same street as a registered sex offender.
Would you move there? Does it matter what the sex crime was - hubby seems to think it does.
I do not feel any remorse for my opinion that all sex offenders are vile evil creatures.
My husband was fired for apparently no good reason.
Was unemployed for almost two months. I work from home. We spent a lot of time together.
I discovered I am not looking forward to retirement.
He is now gainfully employed at a job he REALLY wanted with outstanding benefits.
For the first time ever, there were measurable improvements for Sam in her end of year testing.
Shortly after my surgery Sam ate 40 cherries, pits and all. Cherry pits are toxic. Hubby and Grandmother took her to the ER. Cherry pits are only toxic if they are pulverized. She is fine.
Savvy and Smith came down with Strep within five days of my surgery.
I had to go to the ER twice after surgery - without going into detail - I will say that no one reminded me pre-surgery that taking narcotics for several days will, er, um - stop up the plumbing.
Au pair leaves in September (Sob!) trying to figure out if we can actually afford another one. (hubby took measurable pay cut with new dream job)
Have read about 12 books already this summer. James Patterson (trying to catch up on all the Alex Cross series) and Anita Shreve top my favorites.
Saw the latest Indiana Jones film. I enjoyed it primarily for the nostaglia of it. If I had never seen the other three (as a kid) I prolly would not have liked this one very much...
Au Pair's parents came over for a visit and we had a fabulous time with them.

Okay - I am out. That's it. I (you) are pretty caught up now.

We can now return to regular programming.

parenting tip #568

2008-05-06T22:16:00.002-05:00

never EVER hold a funeral for a kitten for the benefit of 9 and 7 year old girls.
particularly when the 9 year old is special needs and the 7 year old is a drama queen of epic proportions.

don't do it.

it ain't pretty.

it took an over sized bottle of red wine for me to recuperate...

RIP sweet Callie.

it's official - America is tone deaf

2008-04-24T16:10:00.005-05:00

i know - don't start on me - i should get a life.
get out more
write about something socially relevant
or mildly entertaining even.

but get this people - i don't get out.
i am not getting a life anytime soon.
and i am DONE with the american idol voting public.

I was down right shocked when Michael Johns was cut two weeks ago. He was a shoe-in for at least the top four. He has real talent. I will be one of the first to buy his CD. but I never personally voted for him. so I had no one to blame but myself.

last night really PISSED me off.
The top two performers of the week in the bottom two.

seriously people - what is this? senior superlatives all over again? This popularity contest masquerading as a talent competition has got me in a complete tizzy (or couldn't you tell?)

and how does yawning on camera or crying every week and flubbing your lyrics make you more popular than people that can sing AND perform! Who is this fan base voting for such nonsense?

sincerely, i like all the top six contestants. They are all likable. All are talented to some degree. But as far as who performed the best on Tuesday night versus who was in the bottom two on Wednesday night -
SERIOUS DISCONNECT here people.

And I did vote for Carly. for the last several weeks. many times.
Therefore I have earned the right to bitch, sulk and complain.

This is me.
Bitching.
Sulking.
and Complaining.

on another note and perhaps contributing to my sullen mood...
after my PC got a virus, I did. Sinus infection leading to an ear ache.

I have not had an ear ache in 25 years at least.
Fluid behind the eardrum - can't hear well kinda junk. 10 days of antibiotics and three weeks later - my hearing is still not back to normal.

and let me just say this - PMS ain't got nothing on ear aches for cranky, irritable, bad moods. I have hardly been able to tolerate myself.

and I was starting to feel better - until last night.
back to bitchy...

public service anouncement

2008-04-02T22:11:00.003-05:00

If you get an IM from a coworker that you rarely - if ever - IM with and the content says something like this "WOW! Is this really you?" followed by a geocities link

DO!NOT!CLICK!ON!THAT!LINK!

And when I say Trust Me On This - I mean TRUST ME ON THIS DAMMIT!

I have been infected. First time ever...

on a MUCHO GRANDE scale with the msn.com variety of the Vundo Trojan thingamagig.

McAfee cannot fix it - not the last time I talked to my internal IT helpdesk anyway.

I love you all - but I do not want to talk about it.

girlfriends...

2008-03-10T22:14:00.005-05:00

I have been walking around since I got back from Houston yesterday patting myself on the back.

Seriously. As if I did something spectacular...

I am so proud of myself for having such unbelievable girlfriends.
I mean I am good. DAMN good at choosing top-notch, high quality, genuine, could-not-do-better-if-i-custom-ordered GF's. I have written about girlfriends before. I am just in awe of how meaningful these relationships can be!
(Read this - it's old and I promise 90% of you have never seen it.)

My friend T in Houston has a beautiful home and is a wonderful hostess. She heated up the pool and hot tub for us. (I have to quit typing every few seconds to scratch the sun burn on my back...)

My friend R lives here in Dallas - though we rarely get to see each other - we drove down and back together. It's the shortest four hour drive EVER when we travel it together.

Our friend S lives in Toronto and she flew in for the occasion. I am so flattered that she would go to all that trouble to be with us.

We have all worked together at the same company over the past twelve years and have a lot of the same business associates. Common experiences. Have traveled together - as a group and in pairs - on endless business trips and conventions.
Oh, the war stories we tell...
And those that we don't. (grin)

The really cool thing - to me - is that professionally - these women have all at one time or another acted as a mentor to me. Sometimes unknowingly. But all are phenomenally talented, composed and SUCCESSFUL in their jobs. I have observed them in action over the years and taken so much from them that has added to my own professional accomplishments.

the bonus - not only are they exceptional professionally - they are outstanding women on a personal level as well. compassionate, witty, fun-loving, passionate, accepting and so on and so forth...

Please, someone, tell me - how does it get any better than that?

so anyway - i am pretty button-popping pleased with myself today.
I did a damn fine job of picking out my girlfriends!

on a more humble note - I am most grateful they chose me too. I aspire to add as much to their lives as they do to mine!

briefly...

2008-03-06T15:58:00.002-06:00

being 40 ain't near as bad as I thought it would be

It's snowing at my house for the second time this week

i am addicted - ADDICTED - A.D.D.I.C.T.E.D to American Idol - it is the highlight of my week.

I hate getting up every morning because I am so very unhappy with my work. (I am being as politically correct here as I can on the off chance that someone from my work reads this...)

I work with some really wonderful people and few grumpy old farts that pretty much spoil it for the rest of us.

i am sick to death of working from home and spending 20 hours of every day in the same room. i feel like a cave woman. Especially since the hubby unscrewed all the can lights except the one over my desk to save money.

Going to spend the weekend in Houston with three beautiful, exciting, intelligent, fun loving girlfriends that I don't see near often enough!

we are taking salsa lessons Saturday night.

Oh, and how about this NONrecession we are in. nothing like paying $3+ for a gallon of gas and $5 for a gallon of milk.

having surgery at the end of the month to have my rotater cuff (shoulder thingie) repaired. I have heard it is very painful. I am really looking forward to that. NOT!

A dear childhood friend has a recurrence of cancer. it appears to be serious.

and the beat goes on...
Peace.
Out.

absoutely nothing profound to say...

2008-02-25T21:08:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was the big day. turned 40 and all that jazz.
The sky did not turn purple and rain down Ben Gay and support hose...

I got to sleep in - sort of. My parents have this God awful tradition of calling me on my birthday at the crack of dawn. It goes something like this...
"Happy Birthday Darling."
"MMMMFanks"
"Are you still in bed?"
"MMMHmmm"
"Well you woke us up a lot earlier than this (insert current age here) years ago."

I don't know why I thought this year would be different.
It wasn't.

So while I did not get to sleep late - I got to lounge around in bed undisturbed longer than usual because the au pair got up early and taped the kids to the floor.
At least that's what I think she did because they have NEVER in their entire lives been that quiet between 6 and 8 AM.

The night before, hubby and I caught an early movie - Vantage Point (4 out of 5 stars) then went to dinner at a wonderful local Italian place I have always wanted to go to. Au Pair gave me a gift cert for dinner. (she sooooo rocks.) It was early when dinner was out - so we went to see another movie. Jumper (3 stars).
So it was a late night.
And a fun one.

So after lolling about for awhile in bed trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, I finally sent for the kids. They ran in and climbed all over me in bed. And while I love the affection I am always amazed at how painful a bony elbow can be in breast tissue. Those mammograms ain't got nothing on my kids' elbows.

Savvy had planned games. So we played Pin The Tail on The Donkey - she drew a picture of a donkey, taped it to the wall, had a ribbon with tape and a blindfold. It was a riot.

Then we had a scavenger hunt and lounged around and watched Hairspray.

The au pair had planned lunch and baked a cake so I had very little to do as far as food prep. T'was lovely.

And in the afternoon - hubby helped me clean out my last flower bed of dead junk and leaves.
AWESOME GIFT of time and labor!

Wasn't it thoughtful of them to schedule the Oscars in honor of my birthday. I was really touched by that show of affection from the Academy of Motion Pictures.

And did I mention that I got Bon Jovi tickets? In the section right beside the stage.
Can you say REACH OUT AND TOUCH???

so um, yeah - you're going to hear about the Bon Jovi concert from now till April 12. And maybe a few days after that whilst I come down from my Jon Bon Jovi high.

hate it for ya...

my au pair is better than your au pair

2008-02-22T18:50:00.004-06:00

If you've been by here the past few days, you know I have a pretty nasty case of the Poor Pitiful Me's. It's not been any fun being me.
until today...

Today - this morning - I had a marathon conf call/web-demo that lasted almost three hours. I did not have a chance to grab breakfast before starting. So when it was over at lunch time, I was STARVING!

The Au Pair had left to pick up the son at school and then take him for a fun outing. So I went off to the kitchen on my own to fix me some lunch.

There was a small pink piece of paper on the table that said, "Watch the stove."

And I immediately thought Oh SHIT! she left something on on the stove and I was supposed to watch it and surely it is burned by now.

So I looked at the stove and nothing was on. But there was a pot on it and another note beside it.

It said "I figured you'd be starving when you got off your call. I cooked some pasta, here's the sauce. Heat it up in the microwave and lunch is ready."

I almost cried. Someone had really thought about me and my needs and done something about it. Every now and then someone does something for me that is so thoughtful and completely unnecessary - like this - and I feel all warm and glowing on the inside. Like my heart is going to burst.

And that, my friends, is my definition of a Warm Fuzzy.

get over yourself

2008-02-20T09:43:00.003-06:00

is what I would tell myself if I was my friend and knew what was going through my mind in regards to my 40th birthday.

for some reason - and i don't know why - I am spending an inordinate amount of time obsessing about this birthday.

it's just stupid. really.
i know that.

and I can't decide if it is because i am bothered about being older. i mean remember when you were 18 and 40 was ancient. I mean REALLY old.
Yeah, I remember that too.
now 18 seems unbelievably YOUNG!
when did that happen?

And part of it is that I would LOVE a big huge party with all my friends there.
But that would require funds we don't have. Need to be dumping moola into finishing our master bath so we can relist the house and move closer to Sam's school.

Pretty sure hubby is getting me the Bon Jovi tickets. And I am split on my emotions on that too. I really want to go to the show. I really want good seats. But again, the MATURE responsible adult in me knows that we should spend the money on the house and moving.

Tomorrow we have to pay a $1000 deposit for Sam's school. Just paid our land taxes - which are obnoxiously high in Texas because we don't have state income taxes. Money is flying out off the checkbook. Christmas was a Cash Only affair, both grandfathers and two kids have just had birthdays. So needless to say - we are cash poor right now.

so maybe it just sucks to be turning 40 and not have any discretionary income to do with what I want. At the same time being responsible enough to not go on a credit card binge to get and do what I really want.

Like I said - Get.Over.Yourself, tcole

Post Note - To those of you out there with real problems, I apologize for complaining over nothing...

10 things

2008-02-18T09:46:00.003-06:00

My friend Misty challenged me to list 10 things that make me happy.
And I have been thinking about this list for well over a week now.
I fear my list makes me appear uncreative and shallow.
not that i care.

1. my son running up to me arms wide open squealing "HUGGY MOMMY!"
2. sleeping late*
3. long hot uninterrupted baths*
4. losing weight*
5. time spent with my girlfriends*
6. having the time to read a really good book*
7. samantha coming home from school and telling me she has a new word. (she only gets new words when she can pronounce them correctly 100% of the time)
8. going shopping and finding a really good deal
9. someone complimenting me on my children's manners
10. Having money left in my checkbook the day before payday*

* these are all theoretical because they never happen anymore - but if they did, it would make me very happy.

cold shower first thing in the morning

2008-02-13T08:35:00.003-06:00

Last night I dreamt I had a serious make-out session with Simon Cowell.

For those of you living on Mars - Simon's the sharp-tongued Brit judge on American Idol.

Maybe it's the kinder, gentler Simon the producers are pushing on us this season.

Maybe it's the accent...

Maybe it's his manly chest...

I don't know.

But I can tell you this -

I will never EVER look at Simon the same way.

Politics And Religion

2008-02-08T16:52:00.001-06:00

Yes, I am going to take a walk on the WILD side... And blog about Politics And Religion...

I realize these topics are taboo for many people in polite conversations.

However, for those of you that know me, you know nothing is taboo. And I am not alway polite...

And it may help you to understand my motivation for this post...

A couple months ago at my Southern Baptist church I had a serious disagreement with one of the preacher's decisions regarding the congregation of our little country church. While his rhetoric was spot on, his methodology for enacting said rhetoric was HUGELY and intolerably out of line.

So hubby and I decided to stop attending our little church. I was hugely saddened by our decision. I love this church but felt it was important to separate ourselves from the decision this one man made as it appeared to represent the entire church body.

In my despair, I emailed (on Facebook) several of my cherished life-long friends and told them about what had happened and asked for their spiritual support. And, bless 'em - they gave it lovingly and willingly.

And out of our very supportive conversation, an idea grew - we decided to do an on-line Bible Study. We selected a book and started discussing (via IM) a chapter every week.

So a couple weeks ago we were getting together on IM - waiting for everyone to join - a couple of us gals started talking about preferences for presidential candidates. The other two - preferring republicans. And I said - kinda tongue-in-cheek - "I try very hard not to vote the GOP ticket if I can help it."

And one of my dear friends - that I have known since childhood says to me/us - "I cannot talk about this with you anymore as I have a serious disconnect from Liberals."

ouch.

that stung.

and really hurt my feelings... (don't disparage my friend in comments - please - as I do love her dearly)

so I am a liberal. I mean I have been called worse. truly.

Growing up at my Grandfather's knee in South Mississippi I found myself Southern Baptist and Southern Democrat. The two were one in the same. coexisting. for all practical purposes, indistinguishable from the other.

when, exactly did that change? and has it? changed.

I can remember my Grandfather telling me how all the local democrats - on the state and county levels - created jobs for people during the depression years. Roads were built. people got paid. families got fed.
And this was VERY close to home.

These jobs created by the local democrats kept my grandfather's family and close-knit community from going hungry. And afforded some of them the extravagant luxury of sending their children to college.

There was no greater affront than for these kids to go to college, get a degree and come home a Republican. Lord Forbid!

But it happened...

And I heard about it. More than once, mind you.

People of my Grandfather's generation did not forget transgressions of such magnitude.

Many of my people in South Mississippi - Great Uncles, Cousins, and Great Grandfathers - were elected officials on the county and state level. On the Democrat ticket. Southern Baptist, all. My roots.

I was living in Baltimore, Maryland when William Jefferson Clinton was campaigning against George Bush. I remember a visit home to Mississippi and my Grandfather taking his worn, well-read Bible and sharing scripture with me that, to him, indicated Bill Clinton would be our next president.

He was so certain of his conviction he told me that if George Bush was elected president again he would put down that Bible and never pick it up again. And he meant it.

But Granddaddy and his Bible were right, lest you forget the results of that election...

I know you are dying to know what verses he shared with me - and there were several. But the only one I can recall is this...

God is talking to Abraham about his descendents - bearing in mind that Abraham's descendants are the people of Israel.

"I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him who curses you; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." (Genesis 12: 3).

Granddaddy went on to explain at that time, President Bush had provided missiles to the enemies of Israel and had trained those enemies on how to use these weapons against the people of Israel.

President Bush had literally cursed Israel.

You do the math...

Granddaddy did.

People have always said of Democrats - All they want is more taxes and bigger government.

People, please. Who in their right mind wants more taxes? Not me. And I damn sure don't want any more government than we already got - 'cause we got more than we need as it is. Still, I am realistic enough to acknowledge there are some necessary evils...

But I am a democrat.

I reckon I must be a modified version.

My Daddy always said we didn't make enough money to be Republicans. That cracks me up. I have pissed off more than a few people with that comment.

So I am a Democrat. But I did not get here blindly. It would be easy for you to say I drank the family kool-aide and just went along with the inherited rhetoric.

Do I really seem the type?
to follow anything blindly?
seriously, people.

There's more than just my roots. I got some branches as I grew up...

Young Democrats in college.

Card carrying member of Planned Parenthood.

Met Al Gore at a political rally my Jr year of college when he was still a senator from Tennessee. My Dad and I chatted with him - just the three of us - for about ten minutes. I told my Dad that night on the way home I wanted That Man in the White House one day. And if the people in Florida knew how to punch a hole and/or count - I would have gotten my wish.

Personal family history with Trent Lott. I know what kind of man he is. I knew before everyone else did.

I won't get into the issues - but now you know my politics.

Call me a liberal.

whatever...

Now on to religion.
I did say Southern Democrat AND Southern Baptist...

You have probably heard people say "I was raised in the Baptist Church or the Catholic church, etc." I have said it plenty of times myself.

Well any good Bible thumper worth their salt knows that God doesn't have grandchildren. Either you are a child of God or you ain't. Doesn't matter what church you were raised in. Just because Momma and Daddy are members, doesn't mean you are. It's not like the Country Club...

Simple enough concept.

But it just so happens that my Christianity came to me via the Southern Baptist Church. That does not mean I am especially fond of Baptists. Even if I am one…

Most Baptist are wonderful, loving, God-fearing people. It's the few (okay, maybe more than a few) zealots that give the rest of us a bad name.

My church, growing up, was full of imperfect sinners. Even in my youth, I was not blind to the inequities present in our congregation. Black families that dare darken our First Baptist door were quickly invited to attend the Negro Baptist church on the other side of the tracks.

One of the deacons played a role in a lynching of a black man accused of raping a white woman.

We were encouraged to bring our rock and roll records and cassettes to the revival so we could burn them and rid ourselves of all the hidden satanic messages.

But still, in the midst of all this, I had the most phenomenal Youth director, who along with his wife supported me and the other youth in our church. We learned about fellowship and covering each other's backs. Our youth group did not enjoy a utopian existence, but for the most part - we were there for each other - at church and at school.

That Baptist youth group got me through many a rough spot in Jr. & Sr. High School. It gave me a solid moral foundation. At the same time opening my eyes to the inherent flaws in most organized religions.

and that being they all like to stand at the fence and yell:

"You're going to hell and we're not.. Nanny Nanny Boo Boo"
"No, You're going to Hell!"
"No, You Are."

So what do I believe?

Here goes...
I still consider myself a Baptist. guilty by affiliation.
But I am a Christian first.
I believe spirituality - through faith - is your personal relationship with Christ, the Son of God.

Thus Christianity.
Religion, is socialized spirituality. And it is Religion that often gives spirituality a bad name...

One thing that makes me a really bad Baptist - and I like to think a really good Christian - is I do not judge. I don't. And the good Baptists will write to me and say "we don't judge. God judges."

No, really, I have been to Sunday School with you folks. I know how you talk about all the Catholics going to hell in a hand basket. And how you like to poor mouth the non-denominational churches - and call them ‘Feel Good’ Churches - like that's a bad thing. Let's get something straight - If I can't go to church and FEEL GOOD about it, I don't wanna go...
I've heard what you say about people that drink. And dance and good heavens, the homosexuals.

JUDGE. JUDGE. JUDGE.

And I don't think the Baptists are all that special. And just like I can talk about the rednecks, I can dis the Baptist - because I are one. You will NEVER catch me talking trash about other denominations.

Still, I like to imagine that the Methodist talk about the Catholics and the Lutherans talk about the Presbyterians.
and so forth and so on...

It's someone's motto or I heard it in a movie -
"Kill 'em all - Let God sort 'em out."

me, my motto -
"Love 'em all - Let God sort 'em out."

good news - bad news

2008-02-07T07:42:00.000-06:00

The Good -
Sam's fever is non-existent this morning. And no one else is showing symptoms of the flu. I take back what I said about the CDC.
I always said that you could inject Savvy with Ebola and she would not even get a sniffle. The child has a top notch immune system. We are seriously testing that theory this week.

The Bad -
In an attempt to entertain aforementioned kids inside this week, I put a king size sheet over my ANTIQUE dining room table yesterday to make a 'house' for them to play in. Thinking the worst possible thing that could happen is that they might bump their sweet little heads on it while going in and out.

That's what I get for thinking...

This morning Savvy tells Sam she needs to check the chimney on the "house". And we all know where the chimney is, right? On TOP of the "house". So I hear BAM and then Smith wailing...

I go into the dining room and my ANTIQUE dining room table is COMPLETELY upside down. All four legs up in the air. Sam had climbed on top of the table to check the chimney - as she was instructed to do by her bossy little sister. Her weight on one end, FLIPPED THE DAMN* THING COMPLETELY OVER. Scared the shit* out of every one of them.

Lucky as hell* someone's head was not crushed in the process. My dining room does not have carpet or wood floors. We are talking HARD CERAMIC TILES here peeps.

In my questioning rage of WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING that ensued, Savvy says - "she (Sam) had checked the chimney before...."

YOU MEAN SHE HAD ALREADY BEEN ON TOP OF MY TABLE????!!!!
AND WHAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA????

* This JUST happened and my language choices reflect the immediacy of my angst.

playing host

2008-02-06T13:05:00.000-06:00

my daughter, Sam is playing host to the flu bug this week.

lovely, huh?

4 AM this morning she crawls in bed with me sporting a 102 degree F fever.
And yes, we ALL had the flu shot this year. Apparently the strain making the rounds 'round here was not covered in this flu season's vaccine. Nice try, CDC. Close, but no cigar...

So it is only a matter of hours, really, before I have three kids, a hubby, an au pair and likely ME with the freak'n flu.

so before I succumb, a few follow up points from recent posts...

Hubby asked again what I want to do for my 40th birthday. Again, I tell him "nothing". I know I should tell him something - but I can think of nothing. Money is tight. I'd really like tickets to the Bon Jovi concert in April. REALLY good seats. I'd like that a lot. My foolish pride refuses to let me tell him that.

Super bowl with the in-laws was fun. seriously. 'cept for the beginning of the 4th quarter when I had to take a time out and bath all three kids by myself. Put them in their PJs so that when we got home, we could just toss them in bed as we walked past their rooms.

Mainly it was fun - and this is a gross display of ignorance here - because Eli Manning is the QB for the Giants. Until the day of the Super Bowl, I did not realize this. And while I am not a Giants fan, per se - my family (my Mom, Dad & brothers) are MANNING fans.

Archie's from Drew, Mississippi, for goodness sake. He played for Ole Miss. So did Eli. Both go back to Ole Miss and hang out in The Grove for football weekends. My brother was telling me yesterday about chatting with Eli and Archie last year in The Grove. (and yes, we forgive Payton for going to Tennessee.)

My dad was friends with Archie's coach at Ole Miss, Coach Vaught. My Dad has met him a couple times over the years at golf tournaments and such. And every time - Dad says Archie's just "Good People."

So through the years we have watched Payton and Eli and enjoyed their successes. I just didn't remember that Eli was with the Giants.
So the game was fun. The ending - phenomenal!

Okay - going to make some home made chicken noodle soup.
And prepare for the worst.
hunkering down
over and out...

yeah, I know

2008-02-01T16:18:00.000-06:00

i am behind.
cut me some slack, will ya?

had work training class in Dallas Monday through Wednesday.
Dr appointment and the work-load-catch-up game yesterday.
And today went to Sam's school with pizza and cupcakes for lunch to celebrate her ninth birthday with her classmates. (not a word...)
grocery and birthday shopping last night (I missed the season premiere of LOST.)

so in other words, I am chasing my tail trying to keep up.
The weekend doesn't hold much promise to that end.
Tomorrow to Medieval Times with 5 school girls to have dinner.

Superbowl Sunday. (sigh)
if anyone has any really good excuses so that I can send the hubby and kids to the in-laws and stay at home alone and watch pride and prejudice instead - well, i'd be most grateful...

other than that, I'm fine. really.
how 'bout you?

voices inside my head...

2008-01-25T12:53:00.000-06:00

I got my first iPod back in December.
And I love it. Have had more fun playing with it.

There have always been certain male singers that really Do It For Me.
And having them serenade me in my ear like this is really Doing It For Me.
Silly little thing. Yes, I Know.
But hey, it makes me very happy, et al. And I'll take all the happy, et al I can get.

Throughout my life there have been singers. voices. that to me, had an certain essence to them.
a sensual, feral characteristic that always appealed to me on a very visceral level.

in other words - listening to them really Does It For Me.

It's not their looks or necessarily, the lyrics. it is simply The Voice.

And who are these voices, you ask?

You might be surprised...

First is Steve Perry of Journey. Any song will do. I just happen to like this video...

Next, Dennis DeYoung original lead singer of Styx. LOVE him!
Again, no particular song. In fact, some of my favorite tunes from him are the lesser known ones that didn't get real air time and wouldn't make the Styx Greatest Hits album.

and wrapping up my list today is a newcomer, relatively speaking.

I have been an admiring fan of his acting for years. and due to that admiration, I had to see the movie Rent. and then I had to have the soundtrack. which is now on my ipod and Jesse L. Martin croons in my ears daily. and this guy - I do LIKE to look at. I like it a lot (blushing)

So there you have it.

the voices in my head.

and what they Do For Me...

40 and fabulous

2008-01-24T14:48:00.000-06:00

or something like that.

I turn 40 next month.
hmm

trying to decide how I feel about this little milestone.
and trying to convince myself it's not really a big deal.
and is it?
really?
a big deal?

hubby asked me today what I want to do for my birthday. I told him I'd have to think about it and get back to him. (suggestions are appreciated)

we had a rather serious falling out about this birthday several months ago. I wanted to go on a cruise or to a tropical island with a handful of girlfriends. he pointed out that our family fund did not allow for such an opulent celebration. regretfully, he was right. (I'd never tell him that.)

He has now told me that anything he does for my 40th will not be enough. That it will not live up to my expectations. he got that right.

But I am pretty much over it now. Went on my cheap little cruise with a Fabu girlfriend. A few more of us girls are getting together in Houston in March to toast my 40th.
So I am good.

but what to do?
what to do....

My oldest daughter turns 9 in less than two weeks. We are taking her, sister and two friends to Medieval Times for the dinner and show. That will be a ton of fun - for all. Actually looking forward to it.

For my son's 4th birthday two weeks later we will be going to Chuck E Cheese. (shoot me now)

My second daughter's birthday is at the end of March and you'd think it was the most important gala of the season. We (she) change(s) plans on a regular basis - the one constant is that it will be themed after High School Musical. And I am to buy her "Cool-Girl Clothes" for her birthday.

So it's like birthday season at our house for the next few months.

poor hubby.
He just doesn't get birthdays and the significance that goes along with them.

and me?

I just don't know if I got it in me to Party Like A Rock Star.

I feel much more like an overweight, tired, disgruntled, middle-aged Mom.

And that, I am certain, is NOT fabulous.

my cruise - the recap...

2008-01-17T19:57:00.000-06:00

I am beat down dog tired. in my bones.
wiped out could sleep all day for at least three days.

it's cliche - but i need a vacation to recover from my vacation.

and I did not party THAT hard. seriously, folks.

Work is kicking my butt. playing catch up. a lot of pressure at my job as of recent. learning a new software package and having to 'make my numbers' in support calls is sucking a great deal of joy out of my life. if you want to motivate me - hang a BIG FAT JUICY RAISE out there in front of me. don't count on metrics being a motivator for moi.
another day. another post.

About our cruise - several of you asked for a report because you are looking to do a cruise yourself some time in the future. So for you, first, the logistics:
I travelled with my lifelong girlfriend S. She just finished Grad School and was on the cruise for a prep course for her exams to be a Nurse Practitioner.
We have been best of friends - more like sisters - since we were 5-ish. We know each other inside and out - warts and all. So no matter what, we always ALWAYS have a good time together.

The cruise was dirt cheap - less than $350 each for a four day cruise.
Mobile, Alabama to Cozumel, Mexico.
Carnival Cruise Lines - our ship, The Holiday.

Let me also say - you get what you pay for.
That said, my expectations were probably too high.

To start off, when I looked up directions to the terminal the morning of our departure, I find that we would have to pay $60 to park for the four days. I thought that was a bit steep in MOBILE ALABAMA. And after we got on the boat - before we departed, we met a guy on the deck that points and says - "oh, you could have parked for free across the street over there." And sure enough, there were about 100 cars parked in the lot he pointed to.
Bummer, dude. When you are on a shoestring budget, every cent counts. In my mind, that cost us about 6 fruity rum filled cocktails...

The Carnival advertising tells you when pay for your cruise "virtually everything is included." It's the 'virtually' that gets you. If you don't drink alcohol, sodas or juice and don't play Bingo and don't want to buy any pictures of yourself - then Yes, 'virtually' is appropriate. Special note - the iced tea taste so bad, you are almost FORCED to drink sodas.

But trust me - they are going to - at every turn - work to get more $$ out of you. And I guess that's how they can charge so little for the cruise itself.
I just have this thing about being nickel'd and dime'd. I'd rather pay one big fat fee up front and drink and eat and play all I want.

I am not dissing Carnival. They did a decent job. And I confess ignorance.

Our cabin was clean and cozy. The beds were really comfortable - and I ought to know as I travel and stay in hotels on a pretty regular basis for work. I never once woke up with my back hurting - and THAT is saying something. I have a sleep number bed at home and almost always ache when I sleep in different beds. So that was a HUGE plus to me. I could sleep late and not hurt the rest of the day.

The walls were paper thin between cabins. I had thought ahead and brought ear plugs so this was a non-issue for me. However I can see how it might be a problem for others...

Our cabins were cleaned at least twice a day - we always had clean towels and almost always had ice in our cabin - without having to ask. Bonus.

The staff on the boat was well above average in level of service. I would not say exceptional - but still, very good. no complaints - they easily met all expectations.

Here's what disappointed me - the boat's interior was old and tired. Think Love Boat.

The pools (not that i got in one) were as big as some hot tubs I have been in. and they have an Ick Factor that defies explanation.

The food, overall, was mediocre. while not out and out bad, none of it was spectacular. I have always heard how fabulous the food is on a cruise. I was NOT impressed. at all. What they lacked in quality, they made up for in quantity. Food was always available.

As I have said before, I have travelled a ton over the past ten years - usually for business on an expense account. I have entertained customers on expense accounts. I am accustomed to eating at very nice restaurants. (Think Spago's, Ruth's Chris Steak House, Fogo de Chão, etc) so perhaps my expectations were too high. perhaps.

Someone was ALWAYS shoving a camera in your face to take your picture. this is one of my personal pet peeves. Obviously, this did not bother a lot of people as their smiling toothless redneck mugs could be spotted on the picture racks every morning.

Yes, this was a total redneck riviera cruise. i can say that because I R one. (this comes under the rule where family can talk about their own family - and since i AM a redneck - I can talk about them!)

I completely and TOTALLY underestimated the people watching opportunities on this cruise. Was some of the best entertainment of the whole excursion. seriously. What not to wear. how not to sit. which tattoos age better. what not to say. endlessly entertaining...

And speaking of entertainment, I went to one of the nighttime shows with the Holiday Dancers. Again, I was expecting WOW! and got just okay. The kids could dance. no doubt. but the singers were really weak. Seen better in the tryouts of American Idol.
I worked at Six Flags Over Georgia for six years. We had better talent and shows there.

I LOVE piano bars. Some of the best nights of my life have been singing and swaying the night away in piano bars. The piano bar on the boat was one of the few indoor smoking areas. HUH? I felt so sorry for the guy playing and singing in all the smoke. He was decent as far as piano players go and I don't know if he'd of had more of an audience if it was non-smoking or not. I think one of the keys (pun intended) to a successful piano bar is that you play a lot of songs that a lot of people know the words to. That was not the case here. Wierd songs I had rarely heard and did not know the word too. And I know the words to a bus-load of songs.

Karaoke night was fun. They had it every night - we only made it for one night. Yes, I am a Karaoke Whore and had a ball singing my heart out to Delta Dawn.

We had fun in Cozumel. Walked ourselves silly shopping and sight-seeing. The shopping was very Tourist Trap-ish stuff. We should have done a shore excursion and then bought all our tourist crap when we got back to the boat. Just about everything we bought out and about could have been purchased right there at the dock for the same price.

We did have lunch at Mr. Buffet's Margaritaville on the deck over the Caribbean. That was really nice. Paid resort prices for a decent meal - but was still very enjoyable - even if you don't care for shot girls wandering around and balloon hat artists and the wait staff throwing some waiter over the deck fully clothed because it was his birthday. oh, and there was a senorita with sombreros willing to take your picture - for you to BUY. I would have enjoyed this a TON more in college. Of course I could not have afforded to eat there when I was in college. tit for tat, i guess...

Insider Information you might not hear anywhere else:
On Carnival, there is a drink card you can buy. one flat fee (about $27 w/ tax and gratuity) and you can drink all the soda and juice you like. Otherwise - you pay for each one. and the drink card does NOT include bottled water. I saw one family bringing a case of bottled water and a 12 pack of soda onto the boat with a little wheelie cart. I thought that was silly. I was WRONG.

You are not allowed to bring liquor onto the boat. but ppl do in their checked luggage.

Clothing - I seriously over packed. Because I just did not know what to expect.
If you plan to sun bath or swim, packing is even easier. A swim suit or two and a wrap for the days is great - if it is warm enough outside. For this time of year, it can be cool and windy on the outer decks. and the inside has serious AC. I was most comfortable during the days in a nice coordinated work-out/track-suit type ensemble with a jacket I could take off over a t-shirt.

In Mexico - shorts and a t-shirt.Only one night was really formal. And that meant anything from feathers and velvet to nice pant suits. for men - suit and tie. I don't remember seeing any tuxes.

Most nights, it was what they called 'casual elegance' - whatever that means. Could be clubbing clothes, Sunday-Go-To-Meeting outfits or for some, starched jeans and large shiny belt buckles...

when you disembark, you will have the choice of having your luggage taken off for you or carrying it yourself. If you are in a hurry - CARRY IT YOURSELF. The difference could easily mean several hours. And if you have a plane to catch - it could be imperative.

However, if you want to sleep in, take your time and hang out in your cabin for several hours then have the porter take your luggage for you. The only catch is - you must have your bags packed and in the hallway before midnight the last night of your cruise.

We choose to carry off. The carry off-ers disembark first. Still, when we arrived at customs, the line was a mile long. S noticed a woman ahead of us that had been on 14 previous cruises and she got a porter for her luggage. There was a different line for porters and it was significantly shorter. So we tipped $10, got a shorter line and had help with our bags to our car. Definitely worth $10!

One of the best duty free/tax free deals was liquor. yes, i am a lush...

First off, the bottles were a full liter and not .750. So they were bigger. And the ones I bought cost about 50% less than what i recently pd for the .750 size.
If you are going on a cruise and might bring back liquor, swing by your liquor store and price out your favorite spirits before you leave - then you'll have a better idea of how good the deals are. I had recently bought several bottles over the holidays and KNEW I was getting a kick butt deal.

And you can only bring back one bottle duty free. I brought back four. (Gave two away as gifts!) bought them on the boat. and admitted it to customs and they did not make me pay duty on them. So I got four bottles that would have easily cost me more than $120 at home for $58 on the boat. Even if i had to pay the duty it would have been no more than $2.80/bottle - which is still a substantial savings.

There are stories to tell - a few, anyway. And I will share them with you when I get my hands on all the pictures.

in the mean time just know this - I have learned that I have pretty high standards.
Or maybe I am just a little bit snotty about things. I really don't know.
I was not at all disappointed with the vacation itself. It was as relaxing and enjoyable as I had hoped.

It was just a disappointing cruise experience. And if that's the worst thing that happens to me in 2008, it's going to be a GREAT year!

Hi Honey, I'm home...

2008-01-16T11:55:00.000-06:00

Back from the cruise as of yesterday afternoon.
still unpacking and digging out from under with my work.

a fabulous time was had by all.
i have a list of Do's and Don'ts coming up for you...

Will fill you in on all the GLORIOUS details soon!

is.it.time.yet?is.it.time.yet?is.it.time.yet?

2008-01-08T11:44:00.000-06:00

tomorrow morning - after I get the hubby off to work and the kids off to school, I am off on my adventure.

A CRUISE. My first ever. EVER!

I am so excited. (can ya'll tell?)

The literature says the boat has wireless internet access. I love ya'll and all but I will NOT be taking a computer with me. Nope. And I have every intention of turning my cell phone off as soon as I embark. International roaming rates are not in the budget.

I have about killed myself preparing my family (and work) for this trip and my absence. Sam's medicines refilled. Dosage schedules outlined. Family schedules typed, adjusted and retyped. Copies to everyone with their responsibilities highlighted. emails to teachers. bags almost packed. pantry and freezer stocked with easy to prep meals. ipod soon to be updated with cruising music and a book on tape. (James Patterson) smutty paperbacks packed.

It's a lot of work when you're in charge. DA-YUM!

So we are clear - I plan on doing NOTHING on this boat. ship. whatever they call it.

There might not be a single story to tell when i get home - unless some well intentioned purser tries to get me to participate and i throw them overboard w/out a second thought.

Taking camera. there might be pics. we'll see. no promises.

Bon Voyage, Ya'll...

nothing like piss & vinegar to start your day

2008-01-04T08:34:00.000-06:00

Let me preface all this by saying Savvy was up past her bedtime last night.
As a result, this morning - she was not pleasant.
and that is a gross understatement of the facts.

She thinks on Fridays she must wear her cheerleader outfit to school.
I try to 'splain to her that football season is over, it's 25 degrees outside and she does not need to wear her cheerleader outfit to school today.

She persists.
"Fridays are SPIRIT daaayyyyssss." she whines.

I leave the room telling her if she can find it, to put it on and get ready to go. Mentally I tell myself she can freeze her patooty off and look silly for all I care. I did my duty in trying to avert the humiliation.

She cannot locate the cheerleader outfit.
She SCREAMS at me to come help her.

I ignore her.

She asks somewhat nicely.

I search the closet - the outfit is not there.
I am accused of packing it in the pod - which now that I think about it - I might have done...

but at the time, i denied it.
Told her to put on jeans and her cheerleader camp t-shirt.
MAJOR DRAMA ensued.

And here is where the difference between a typical kid (savvy) and a special needs kid (sam) is glaringly obvious.

Sam has meltdowns. Episodes where she is completely out of control of her behavior. She has little to NO CONTROL of herself.

Savvy, on the other hand has fits and knows EXACTLY what she is doing. She gives new meaning to the term "Conniption Fit." They say that only a Southern Woman can tell you the difference between a Hissy Fit and a Conniption Fit.

That is so not true. My six year old daughter can define as well as demonstrate the not-so-sublte variations between the two fits.

This morning, we got a full on Conniption Fit.

A screaming, yelling, crocodile tears, running outside the house without a jacket and screaming her bloody little head off conniption fit.

I feel soooooo sorry for the man that marries her. He had better be a Yes Man by nature.

I told her she could pull it together and go to school or sit in her bed all day. no books, no toys, no nothing. not even food.

"I'll SSTTAAAAAARRRVVEEEE."

"No, you won't. One day without food won't kill you. It's your call, Savvy. But you got three minutes to pull it together if you are going to school."

She went to school.
But the victory is hollow.

She brought home straight A's on her report card this week. (mostly A+'s - hate to brag, but I will.) So I bought her High School Musical II DVD yesterday as a reward.

During the heat of battle this morning - when her whining was making my ears bleed, I told her "NO TV TOMORROW WHICH MEANS YOU CANNOT WATCH HSM II."

When the whining and crying did not cease - I took TV away on Sunday too.

It is going to be a very long weekend.

And you can bet your sweet patooty that she will NOT be up past bedtime on a school night again any time soon...

just so you know

2008-01-02T10:58:00.000-06:00

The problem with Santa bringing a six year old girl clothes is that IF the clothes do not fit, the parental figure has to DRUG aforementioned six year old in order to SNEAK the ill-fitting clothes out of the house and back to the store in order to EXCHANGE them for a proper fit.

As I am completely out of drugs, the six year old daughter went back to school this morning with TOTALLY groovy rhinestone and glitter Justice jeans held onto her little body only by a belt...

PostNote:

Gratuitous Shoe Picture For Pissy - the reigning Shoe Diva in the SEC.

You can kinda see the glitter on the jeans too...

a new leaf

2007-12-29T20:00:00.000-06:00

I have been reading back over my blog entries for the past year.
It's been one heck of a ride. Kinda glad to see 2007 go.

One overwhelming theme from the past year is me being completely wound up in my kids.
bad, good, or otherwise - that's how it's been.

truth be told - i am a selfish person by nature. I'd like nothing better than to take care of myself first and everyone else can just form a line to the left. Hasn't been a whole lot of taking care of me lately.

The most selfish thing I have done the last quarter of this year is read a bunch of books.

That's about to change. First half of January I go on a cruise with a girlfriend. She is going on the cruise to study for her nurse practitioner boards. (seriously)

I am going with her to drink, read, sleep and pretty much do nothing else.
Rinse, repeat.

There is something else big coming up in my life next year that is all about me. I have started the ball rolling. I am planning to have bariatric surgery. Sometime in the summer. It will take me that long to meet the requirements for my insurance company.
I am DONE with this weight battle.
done.
toast.

People will say I am taking the easy way out.

I DO NOT CARE.
Say what you want.

I have done the hard way all I can stand. Since I was 13.
I have lost. and lost. and gained. and gained.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

People, please. anyone that can say they have ANY kind of relationship with food should consider that a problem, don't you think.

Think what you want. judge. i do not care.
I am going to do this.
For me.

and truthfully - for my kids too...

so much for being selfish in 2008.

And to all a good night...

2007-12-26T12:17:00.000-06:00

t'was a busy holiday at our house.

shopping - groceries to feed 27 in-laws on Christmas Eve

chopping - food prep to feed 27 in-laws at my house

wrapping - no explanation necessary

cleaning - so the in-laws couldn't call me a total slob

threatening lives - the typical "Santa is WATCHING you" threat did not make a dent in my kid's behaviour for the entire month of December. I finally resorted to "IF YOU DO NOT BEHAVE I WILL SELL WHATEVER TOYS SANTA BRINGS YOU ON EBAY!"

This got their attention...

for about five minutes...

A wonderful holiday was had by all. I made huge pots of homemade seafood gumbo*, jambalaya with fresh beer bread and mexican cornbread for Christmas Eve. I'd rather do this than cook a traditional turkey dinner. And it was all a big hit.

*Note to self - when the Crab Boil says Concentrated, BELIEVE it.

So it's a little late, but Merry Christmas to all
And to all, a good night.

Smith - Christmas afternoon.

so tired, he couldn't even stay awake to play...

And The Oscar Goes To

2007-12-19T11:09:00.000-06:00

The one with Middle Child Syndrome...

I do believe I have mentioned before that my second daughter, Savvy, suffers from a terminal and most severe case of Middle Child Syndrome. Also referred to in some circles as "You Love Them More Than You Love Me-itis."

I am hugely and painfully aware of her perceived disparity of my affection. And I work OVER-FREAKING-TIME to dispel this belief she holds so near and dear.

So recently, when she has showed an interest in theater and drama - i encouraged the HECK out of it. Told her that when we (finally) sell the house and move to the city - she can (and will) take drama classes, be onstage and BE AN ACTRESS!

Of course, as we all know - we did not sell the house as quickly as we thought we would - so her aspirations to be an actress have been placed on hold indefinitely - or so we thought....

a month or so ago, i got a note home from her music teacher about the upcoming Christmas program. Form letter thing - date, time and did we plan on our child participating.

HERE'S an OPPORTUNITY, I think! so I wrote back to the music teacher and asked her to phone me. and she did.

I briefly explained to her that Savvy had begun to show an interest in theater and if there was an appropriate part for her in the program, would she please consider Savvy for the role. PPPLLLLEEEAAASSSSSEEEEEEE. (we all know I am not above begging)

Music teacher told me that the older kids had already been given the speaking roles. I conceded, said I understood and I appreciated her calling.

A few days later, Savvy busts in from school - "I AM PLAYING NELLIE IN THE CHRISTMAS MUSICAL!!!!"

God Bless the Music Teacher!

Not being familiar with the Christmas character Nellie (except on Little House on the Prairie) I asked Savvy to tell me about her starring role.

"You know, mom - Jolly Old St Nicolas - 'Nellie wants a picture book...'"
"On the second song Mom, I don't wait for anyone to tell me what to do, I just GO DOWN FRONT! Mom, I just GO!"

This is HUGE to her. and I could kiss the music teacher for 'creating' this part for her. She even had her name in the program...

See for yourself this untapped youthful talent I have given birth too...
Savvy is front left in the GORGEOUS green velvet dress.

Little diva better thank me in her acceptance speech...

don't say i never gave you anything...

2007-12-14T15:26:00.000-06:00

Santa, I can Explain (yeah, right)

2007-12-11T11:37:00.000-06:00

Our Trip to See Santa - A Photo Essay...

Waiting in line...

Our au pair and Smith

Savvy and Sam - too cool for words

The picture. Sweet innocent "I've been good" smiles

And the real negotiations begin...

Oh Yes, I have been VERY good. Right Mom?

Not her, Me. I'm the good one!

Hey, I'm down here too. You big girls hush so I can tell Santa what I want!

After Santa, to the carousel.

Cannot pose for picture. Cannot be nice. Cannot tuck our shirts in.

Oh wait, what? You'll buy my a cookie?

Get over here you guys - one more picture...

But I ain't gonna smile pretty.

The End

MEME for Scarlett Wanna Be

2007-12-03T09:52:00.000-06:00

Missy Scarlett Wanna Be tagged me for seven random things about myself. (go check her out, BTW. I feel we are kindred spirits in that she is Scarlett Wanna Be and I consider myself a Modern Day Scarlett. She's a great writer and funnier than hell, too!)

And since I am busier than a one armed paper hanger, i am cheating and copying an old post. It has been updated and is completely current. (forgive me SWB) Many more than seven...

(be careful what you ask for...)

i will be 40 in February
i do not believe in astrology signs
i do believe in God, heaven and hell.
i had a Disney childhood - stay at home Mom, Dad owned his own business- home for lunch several days a week. Perfect Grandparents. Vacations in Florida at the beach every summer. to the farm on the weekends for horseback riding and picnics.
i was loved completely and unconditionally by my parents.
still am.
my mom and i hated each other when i was a teenager
my dad hated both of us during this time
he won't admit it
my mom and husband were in the delivery room when my first daughter was born.
my mom, husband and my dad were in the delivery room when my second daughter was born.
my mom, husband, dad, cousin, brother-in-law and favorite next door neighbor were in the delivery room when my son was born.
we like parties
i have no modesty. none.
i had a tubal ligation after the third child
i was off the pill for three weeks when i got pregnant with my son.
my son was the surprise of my life but i wanted him more than i ever thought possible
i ate krispy creme doughnuts the night before my son was born and lied to the nurse about having eaten after midnight.
i don't mind shots
except in the mouth
i have two younger, good looking, hard working brothers. the 30 year old is not married - let me know if you're available and interested. i will post pictures. he will kill me for this.
everyone in my immediate family has a college degree.
my current career has NOTHING to do with my degree
i have wanderlust in my blood and MUST travel on a semi-regular basis
i went to Nicaragua when i was 9 years old
i remember first shooting a gun before I was 7 years old
i have been dove hunting
i never want to go again
i was and will always be a band geek - saxophone
i had the lead role in Arsenic and Old Lace and several other stage productions in college
i lived in Vail Colorado for two FABULOUS years straight out of college
i then spent seven of the most miserable months of my life in Baltimore, Maryland
i then moved back in with my parents
i love the snow and all snow-related activities - skiing, sledding, snowball fights, snow angels, snowmobiling - but my most favorite thing - is to just sit quietly and watch it fall from the heavens.
i have had my heart broken more times than i can count
the first time - i was 11. he was 12. true puppy love. and his family moved from mississippi to oregon
i am scared to swim in the ocean because of Jaws
i am generous to a fault
i am in the process of applying to my health insurance for bariatric surgery
i love my kids to pieces but sincerely believe i am a mediocre mom
i am impaired when it comes to balancing my checkbook
i have never ever, not even once done any illegal drugs. misused Mini Thins for awhile, but nothing beyond that
i have an addictive personality - which helps explain why i never had the guts to try drugs.
lost my virginity when i was 18 - to a guy 10 years older than me - who later slept with my best girl-friend. i hope he rots in hell. and if she's there with him, all the better.
i don't usually hold grudges, with the exception of #44.
i am not a jealous person. if you don't want to be with me - go.
i can drive a stick shift. my granddad taught me how to drive one - three on the tree.
i have been to a NASCAR race - camped at the track - and actually had a pretty good time doing it.
i met Whoopie Goldberg when i was a Sr in High School and she was AWESOME.
i have had backstage passes to several concerts.
one of my most favorite hobbies/past times has always been to seek out people as different from me as possible and pick their brains, get to know them, find out what makes them tick. almost always found that we weren't so different after all
i would like to be a groupie - for bon jovi
i love/lust jon bon jovi and would cheat on my husband with him if ever given the opportunity. husband knows this.
i came within seconds of proposing marriage to a complete stranger once. was backstage after JesusChrist SuperStar - with the original broadway cast. told my mom that if i met the amazingly beautiful man playing judas iscariot i would ask him to marry me. we met. i told him my plans for a proposal. He flashed his mega-watt, flirtatious smile and tells me he is waiting for the proposal and i chickened out... dammit dammit dammit
i am not shy. do not have a shy bone in my body. can talk to a fence post. and have.
i talk too much
was elected Most Outgoing my FRESHMAN year of High School
i have reconnected with numerous high school friends on FaceBook. i love them more than i ever remembered liking them.
i am a speed reader
i like to sing karaoke and have actually won a few contests
i have no tolerance for prejudice, bigotry, homophobia or stupidity
i found my first gray hair when i was 13 and have been a loyal follower of Ms Clairol ever since i was 19.
i can ride a horse - western and english
i met my husband at a funeral
i was a bartender at one time. i still mix a mean margarita.
i am too emotional for my own good
i have worked for the same company for over 11 years
i have a current and updated resume and it is not padded at all
i work most days in my PJs
i breast fed all three of my babies
my oldest daughter is a special needs child
i was a journalism major my first 2 1/2 years of college - but they insisted i be concise in my writing. concise is not in my repertoire...
my friends, especially from childhood, say i have impeccable phone manners
i make really good homemade guacamole
i love love love shoes and have 10+ pairs of black shoes alone.
fire-engine red toe nails - year round
no tattoos or unusual body piercings - except that my left ear is pierced twice and my right ear isn't. did it in Jr. high. never use the second hole any more...
i had braces on my teeth as a child. didn't wear the head-gear or retainers so I had them again as an adult - and paid for them out of my own pocket.
i love seafood - any kind - any way
i can shuck oysters with the best of them
i know how to eat crawfish. pinch the tails and suck the heads. yes, that's really how you do it
i make a kick-ass version of my Grandma's seafood gumbo
i believe in UFOs
i laugh out loud in movies
i love scary movies and talk to the characters in the film - such as "DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!" or "RUN!"
i love being on the water
i eat my steaks rare
my son's first name is my maiden name. he is named for my father.
i know how to sew
my great grandfather shot and killed a man in self defense
my absolute most favorite thing in the entire planet is a long, hot, smell-good, uninterrupted bath
i haven't been to the bathroom by myself in my own home for almost 9 years
i am really good at it but i loathe ironing clothes
i believe shopping is a sport
i am a hopeless romantic
i drive too fast
my parents sent me away from Small Town Mississippi for 9 summers in a row when i was growing up to show me that there is a big world out there. that and to just get rid of me.
five of those summers, i worked at Six Flags Over Georgia, in rides. best five summers of my life.
i have no idea how to program the time on my VCR
i believe you can have it all - just not at the same time...

bah humbug

2007-11-30T11:31:00.000-06:00

I am a HUGE fan of Christmas.

really i am. have never had a scrooge moment in my entire life. ever.

until this year.

and all my Christmas decorations, arts and crafts supplies, wrapping paper and even my winter clothes are in storage. because of us trying to sell our house and move. I packed it all up back in May thinking we'd easily be moved into our new place long before cold weather and Christmas got here.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I have more Christmas decorations than Macy's.

okay, maybe i run a close second to Macy's - but you get the idea.

and i believe the wrapping of a gift is part of the present. I have all sorts of papers, bags, tissue, bows, ribbons, tags, gadgets and gizmos (in storage) to make my gifts the toast of the town.

So NOT having any of my supplies and decorations is really taking a toll on my holiday spirit. Don't get me wrong - I am putting up a really good front. Christmas is for the kids and I am too much of a boy scout to not do this right for them.

So next Saturday, on my 13th wedding anniversary, my hubby and I are going early in the morning to the warehouse where our POD is stored to unpack it and retrieve holiday decorations - I am only getting the tree, ornaments and stockings - and our winter wardrobes.

Sounds easy enough - but this is one of those 16'X8' pods and it is packed from top to bottom, front to back. my hubby considered it a mortal sin to send it to the warehouse for storage unless every square inch was filled to capacity.

Plus, one of my best girlfriend's birthday/Christmas present is in there and it will be like a needle in a haystack finding that. I bought it early last year and was so damn proud of it, I will find it and give it to her. And she better LOVE it. (or fake it really, really well!)

See, my Christmas spirit is tainted. warped.

I didn't even care for the picture my photographer did for my Christmas cards this year. Had to go shoot my own. This is what I am going with. What do you think? (and if you are one of the ones I send a card to, avert your eyes)

They are darling aren't they? I really do have to get my Christamas act together.

We're going to see Santa tomorrow. I told Savvy - who's really been on a nasty tear lately - "If Santa asks you if you've been good, you better not lie. It's never a good idea to lie to Santa."

Now she is refusing to go see Santa - as if that makes a difference to him. I explained that he already knows who's been naughty and nice. I told her the "Have you been good" question was just procedure.

So far, she's not convinced. This ought to be interesting...

i'm not dead

2007-11-15T17:25:00.001-06:00

nor lost...

just been in HOTlanta for a week of work.
then been sick

and here...

Sam and Kasey Kahne

2007-11-01T22:47:00.000-05:00

some overachieving moms are president of the PTO.

and some overachieving moms coach soccer teams.

not this mom.

i was first in line to meet Kasey Kahne.

i got there around 2PM and was literally the FIRST person in line to meet Kasey Kahne. (that's my empty seat there on the left.)

and i confess - i felt kinda foolish - until Sam arrived. and then SHE had a FRONT ROW SEAT! ahead of more than 400 other fans.

then it was worth the FIVE HOUR WAIT and looking like a complete GOON! me, the domestic haus frau, in my boot cut jeans and tommy sweater, not a stitch of NASCAR clothing on my person camped out in the #1 spot. i was perhaps the ONLY person there without some sort of NASCAR paraphernalia attached to me - planted at the front of the line for FIVE hours.

interestingly enough, i discovered when you are first in line, everyone feels the need to ask you how early or what time you go there (to get the prime spot.) after answering this question honestly a few times, i started responding with "about 15 minutes past crazy."

and it turned out good to have Sam up front for practical purposes too - she only did a very mild freak out when Kasey got there and we were able to get her in and out quickly before the crowds and noise could overwhelm her.

i wish i could put into words the look she had on her face when she first walked up to the store an hour before he arrived and saw all the people and the commotion. I caught sight of her before she saw me. She had just found out what her surprise was - that she was to meet Kasey Kahne IN PERSON.

you'd expect her to have this monumental grin from ear to ear. right?

instead, she looked completely mortified.

terror, panic and anxiety were molded onto her sweet little face.

one component in her myriad of issues is separation anxiety - specifically separation from me. and it hits her sometimes at the most unpredictable times. when i saw her walking up, she looked like she would be perfectly happy to have her long severed umbilical cord literally reattached to my gut.

then she saw me and her face glowed! beamed! she ran into my arms.

she was wearing her new Kasey t-shirt i bought her especially for the occasion. my mother in law said when she pulled it out of the bag and told Sam to put it on, Sam knew something was up and she jumped all around the house. mother in law is a saint. she has some serious back pain going on but insisted on coming up there to witness Sam meeting her idol.

MIL and hubby kept telling Sam how lucky she was to have me. that she should feel very special that i would get there early enough to get Sam at the front of the line. my MIL told sam that SHE wouldn't do that for her kids. i said, "oh yes you would." and she looked me dead in the eye and replied, "No, I wouldn't." and i believed her.

Sam on the phone with Aunt 'Lisa -

"YES! I AM GOING TO MEET KASEY KAHNE!"

in my mental game plan I had planned for hubby to approach kasey with sam to get her his autographs and i would play photographer in the background. he corrected this assumption. he decided that he would take the photos and i would talk to Kasey with sam.

which was a really good decision in some respects (the ones that count) and a really SUCKY decision in some selfish ways. hubby did not get NEAR the pictures i had envisioned. nowhere near what i wanted. (and i am trying so hard to not complain.) but if i had taken the pics and not been right beside her when she met Kasey - coaching and coaxing as she allows only ME to do - she likely would have wigged out and it would not have been a great experience. so i am content with the knowledge that the actual experience could not have been any better for her - even if the collection of pictures is sparse.

so Kasey arrived. walked out the front door of the store - so close sam could have reached out and touched him. cutest fella you can imagine!

we approached the table and i introduced sam to kasey - and he to her. i had given my letter to his manager before Kasey got there so I explained to Kasey that sam did not know she was coming to meet him until an hour earlier so i wrote a fan letter for her. he smiled at her sweetly. and as expected, she clammed up. wouldn't hardly say Boo to him, grinned a silly smile from ear to ear - and basked in EVERY SINGLE MILLISECOND OF IT.

Kasey signing Sam's hat.

when all her items were signed, her daddy reminded her to tell Kasey she'd see him Sunday at the race - so she did. and she paused. i asked her, "Sam would you like to shake Kasey's hand?" she barely nodded. he extended his hand, smiled at her again and took her small trembling hand in his and shook it.

and then it was someone else's turn to meet him. and we moved on.

(See the guy in the back ground - that's his manager.

The envelope on the table in front of him is my letter.)

This is Sam's I Just Met Kasey Kahne smile.

Can you see the stars in those baby blues?

* * * * * *

this morning, the first thing she said to me was "Thank You Moma. Thank you for letting me meet Kasey Kahne." she repeated the sentiment about eight more times before she and her dad left for the track.

and that, my dear friends, is the story of when Samantha met Kasey Kahne.

is this totally queer*?

2007-10-31T09:45:00.000-05:00

(* queer as in weird, odd, geeky, stupid or silly)

i have written the following letter and plan to give it to Kasey Kahne tomorrow when Sam meets him. i know he can't read it on the spot - but was hoping he'd read it after the event. this is going to be such a HUGE deal for her - i just want him to know that. is that just too weird/odd/geeky/stupid/silly??? (in the actual letter, I put a picture of Sam in her Kasey Kahne t-shirt)

Dear Kasey,

This is my eight year old daughter Samantha - or as she prefers, Sam.

I am certain it is a HUGE deal for all of your fans to meet you in person & I am most grateful you make yourself available like this. I briefly wanted to share with you how BIG a deal it is for Sam to meet you & what it means to her to be a Kasey Kahne fan.

Sam has many challenges. She has normal intellect but works very hard to overcome ADHD, dyslexia, apraxia (a neurological issue that causes a profound speech delay) as well as the behavior issues that go hand in hand with the rest. She attends a private school in Dallas that provides an extremely intensive curriculum & therapies geared to her specific challenges.

Sam discovered NASCAR & YOU two years ago at Texas Motor Speedway. She earned a trip to the races because of her school work. We have 8 PSLs at TMS & each family member has their own driver they cheer for. Sam chose you as her driver (with a little direction from her Dad.)

At her first race, she did not leave her seat. Not for food, drinks, to explore & seldom for the bathroom. She did not fidget. She was transfixed. Through her headphones, she asks her dad repeatedly, "Where's #9, Daddy?" He helped her keep up with you throughout the race. And all this from a kid with severe ADHD.

She has worn out at least two Kasey t-shirts in two years. Is overly protective of her Kasey hats & sleeps with a Kasey pillow every night. And I do mean every single night. She lost the pillow once while she was visiting my family in Mississippi last summer. Pandemonium broke out & it NEVER happened again! (Her granddaddy actually put a nail in the wall by her bed to hang the pillow on.)

I know you have devoted fans. Some likely know every single published fact about you. Sam's not one of those. But she is devoted nonetheless. She's not into Disney stars, singers, actors or boy bands - you are IT for her. Rarely does a day go by without your name coming up in her conversations.

Meeting you today will be an experience Sam will never forget (and we'll likely never hear the end of.) If you have ever made the mistake of thinking that your life's work is only about cars, appearances, sponsors and the next big race - please allow me to convince you otherwise. You bring a great deal of happiness, excitement & joy to the every day life of one very special little girl in Small Town, Texas.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

*******************************

Feedback please. and QUICKLY...

there will be no dried ink

2007-10-30T07:36:00.000-05:00

what i couldn't tell you earlier this week - what i wanted to tell you - but didn't want to jinx - was that we had a contract on our house and had put a contract on a new house.

the contract on our house fell through last night because the buyers could not come up with the funds. therefore we had to opt out of the contract we put on the house in the city. a GORGEOUS house, inside and out, pool, new everything, almost a half acre lot, et al.

the funny thing - i am okay with losing that house. not thrilled about it - but okay. i believe completely in Divine Intervention. and if we were (are) meant to have that house - it would have (will) happen. though i doubt seriously that house will last five minutes on the market. it is perfect. we put a contract on it the day it was listed. so for all practical purposes, we have lost that house.

but i have to believe that just means that a better house is waiting for us. something closer to Sam's school. or with a three car garage for the hubby. or one with five bedrooms instead of four so the girls don't have to share. or a better school district for Savvy and Smith. who knows...

what i am not so kosher with is the CRAZY STUPID IDIOT woman that tried to buy our house. it was to have been a cash deal. she was to have taken a check to the title company for the entire amount when she executed the contract. we signed the contract, got it to her and she never took it in. so we were left hanging for 10 days by this vile, evil, unscrupulous woman. last night was the end of her option period so she had to 'fess up that she did not have the moola.

the first time i met her, she looked me in the eye and lied to my face about having just bought a $750K house down the road.

fool me once...

Planned Parenthood & Me

2007-10-26T11:27:00.000-05:00

i am a huge proponent of Planned Parenthood. have been for many years. i don't usually broadcast it but am not afraid nor ashamed to admit it either.

and for those of you innocently ignorant of the facts, Planned Parenthood in NOT synonymous with Abortion.

nothing could be further from the truth.
PP is about informed, professional health care for women AND men.

in fact, PP probably does more than any other US agency in existence to prevent abortions.

huh?! you ask...

PP is one of the largest providers of birth control to women out there, particularly low income .
shut down PP and you shut down women's access to birth control.
then let's talk about unwanted pregnancies and back alley abortions.

anywho, there is a renewed attack on Planned Parenthood and their clinics lately.

it makes me crazy.

in response, PP has a new blog - and I want to share it with you. .
It's I Am EmilyX.
I am adding it to my links on the left..
In addition to the link to the Planned Parenthood site.

Read it; if you agree, ADD IT TO YOUR BLOG!

in sharing this here, i am doing my small part to educate and support a woman's right to excellent health care as well as her right to choose when and how to start a family.

i am the mother of three small children. two of them are daughters. i don't want them to get a tattoo much less have to choose whether or not to have an abortion. but i will defend to my death their right to make any and all health care decisions that relate to their bodies.

will you?

hey, can i get a valium with that?

2007-10-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

i have not blogged here lately. (made an update on my other blog yesterday)

not b/c i have nothing to say (get real people - i always have something to say!)

but because there is something going on that i don't want to talk about

oh, i really do want to talk about it.

want to tell everyone about it.

but i am afraid if i talk about it, i will jinx it ...
and the situation is precarious enough without me putting a hex on it.
and it is HUGE!

my stress anxiety level is off the freaking charts.
can't even put it into words.

here's a hint - it has to do with us moving...

that's all i will say until the ink is dry.

crazy.insane.pee.in.your.pants.EXCITED

2007-10-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

that would be me.

this would be my girl, Sam, completely unaware of the upcoming excitement!

this picture was taken at Texas Motor Speedway. wearing her favorite driver on her shirt.

this would be her driver, Kasey Kahne, #9, red and black Dodge car.

Meet Kasey.

isn't he just adorable? i mean pinch his cheeks, cute as apple pie adorable.

and Sam ADORES Kasey. and has for two years. since her first NASCAR race. (click and go read the original post on Sam and NASCAR- it's priceless)
but know - there are no rock stars, disney musical stars, tv personalities she is crazy for. it is nothing or nobody but Kasey for Sam.

she sleeps with her Kasey pillow every night. in fact, this house cannot go to bed in the unlikely (and catastrophic) event that pillow goes missing. this past summer when she visited with my folks in Mississippi, my Dad put a nail in the wall by the bed so every morning he could hang the pillow on the wall (the pillow has a handle.) this way, every night they would know exactly where it was. i think the pillow went missing once and he was making darn sure it never happened again.

that's all well and good - but why the excitement you ask....

NASCAR is in texas next month. which means Kasey is in texas next month. of course Sam has her very own tickets to ALL the races. and that's pretty darn cool that an eight year old has $230 worth of race tickets for herself. but not pee in your pants exciting...

Kasey is doing a meet and greet for his fans at BONOS RACE PLACE OF PLANO a few days before the race. And guess who is going to be there with bells on!

YES, US!!!

it gets better.

the HUGELY nice guy that owns the store is a long time friend of my brother in law and his wife. that's how i even knew Kasey was going to do the appearance - from bil & sil. so at the urging of my sister in law, i phoned this fella up and explained to him about Sam and her challenges. not so much because i wanted to ask for special treatment for her but to let him know what a HUGE Kasey fan Sam is and explain how she has issues that might possibly intrude on her experience of meeting him in person.

the owner guy was great about it. could not possibly have been nicer. even talked to kasey's people about her. (I!love!this!guy!) They told me that if she wigs out because of all the people or just meeting him in person that she can meet him quietly in a back room. HOLY CHIT!

and I am crazy, not stupid (see previous post). We are not telling her about this until it is time to GO to the race store and meet him. not a word. hubby, me, and the rest of the family are about to pee in our pants we are so excited for her. this will easily be the biggest (good) thing to happen to her in her life thus far!

i have it all mapped out in my head. she gets out of school at 4:15 that afternoon. the meet and greet is from 7 - 9 PM. she does not have school the next day. (thank you Lord for small blessings!)

so MIL will pick Sam up from school and take her to her house to clean up and get dressed. i have bought her a new Kasey Kahne t-shirt for the occasion.

i will go around 3 or 4 and get in line. you have to have a wrist band to get an autograph - and I already have mine (sam's).

hubby will go pick her up after he gets off work and they will meet me at Bono's.

two weeks from today.
and counting.
i don't know if i can stand it.

my near brush with stupid

2007-10-13T22:20:00.000-05:00

tonight, my mom had a three hour layover at DFW on her way home to Mississippi from Oregon. So the kids and i loaded up and drove to the airport to meet her. It was dinner time. And due to all the new security rules, only ticketed passengers can get to the restaurants at DFW. So we just picked her up at the curb and headed to McDonald's. As Mom pointed out as I begrudgingly agreed to a meal at Mickey D's "The kids can play as we can visit." That sounded good.

so we got there. Made a bathroom stop and then the kids went straight to the inside playground. Mom said she would watch the kids while I go order dinner.

So I went and ordered our meal. paid for it. got mine and mom's drinks and brought them to the table. As i put them down, i heard Smith screaming. (and only mom's know when it is the real scream or the fake scream. this was a real one.) i darted over to the bottom of the slide where all the kids appeared to be, looked up the slide and could see my son trapped and panicked under other children - all bigger and older than he.

I looked at Sam and she was upset trying to help him. I first pulled on Sam and she would not budge. So I grabbed the little boy (b/t 9 and 11 years old) on top of them and pulled him out. Then I could reach Smith and pull him out. I immediately set Smith down and before even checking to see if he was okay, turned to the other little boy I had just pulled out to apologize. I knew i had not hurt him but wanted to make sure his dignity was in tact.

no sooner did i get the words "I am sorry, are you okay?' our of my mouth that this mountain of a woman came lumbering up to me and grunts,

"Did you just put your hands on my nephew?"

Not wanting to start a fight and wanting to clear things up immediately, i replied, "Yes, Mam. But i immediately apologized to him."

"Good" she snorted.

trying to explain myself, I said, "My son was trapped and I was trying to get him out."

"You shouldn't let him play in there if he is too little."

WTF!

I am thinking to myself, he's three years old. bigger than most kids his age and gets the shit beat out of him regularly by his two older sisters. this kid is NOT too little for the playgrounds at McDonalds'.

"He's not too little." i snap back.

the gloves are off.

She started telling me how he was too little if he got trapped.

all I could think was that if your kids knew to get off a freaking slide when they got to the bottom instead of trying to climb back up, none of this would be a problem.

But I did not want to involve the kids, hers or mine.
She kept at me, I returned fire.

Finally I told her to "SHUT UP!"
She replies "You gonna make me?"

Then and only then did i realize I was dealing with a really stupid person that apparently was taking some perverse pleasure in spoiling everyone's good time.

I walked away. Sat my kids down with my mother and walked back into the restaurant to get our food. After a brief exchange with the managers and trying to find out if there indeed was a size/age restriction on the playground and telling them about the crazy woman in the play room - I could still hear her in there yelling at my Mom. Then she walked up to the counter with a cell phone and said "You da manager. My sister want to talk to you." Apparently she needed back up.

At this point I told them to bag up my food, I was leaving.

Went back in, got my kids and walked out. While sitting by the door, putting on shoes and socks, i could still hear her at the counter ranting and raving. "My kids were just fine till they got here."

and then i heard one of her kids out by the play yard yell, "you need to teach yo kids how to behave."

i am not kidding. you cannot make this stuff up.

At this point, i told my Mom that if I had to walk over there by her I was likely going to punch her lights out. So Mom sent me to the car with the kids and she got our food.

Mom tells me the employees apologized. whatever.

that woman and her kids followed out shortly behind us and were getting in their car when we left. I can only hope that the manager asked them to leave.

In the van, one of my kids says, "That woman was stupid." I always try to separate the person from the behavior and was opening my mouth to say "No, she just acted stupid."

Before i could draw breath, my mom responds, "Yes, she was very stupid."

this time, she got it right...

i went to the animal fair

2007-10-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

truthfully, i went to the State Fair of Texas.

and i met brutus.

i am posting this picture for my friend, scarlett wanna be

she needs a pick-me-up today. and the other day when i met brutus at the Texas State Fair, i immediately thought of my new blogger bud, Scarlett WB.

um, ms scarlett - i don't think there's any mistaking the anatomy here...

whadaya say?

and you know what they say (and apparently there's some truth to it) EVERY THING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS!

we want the funk

2007-10-05T07:53:00.002-05:00

Here's mine. I love this...

the au pair has a wicked sense of humor

2007-10-01T06:39:00.000-05:00

this happened friday night and i have been dying to blog it all weekend...

so late friday, kids are all home, i am getting dinner ready, hubby is running late from work.

kids, all eight of them (okay, so it's really only three - but it feels like EIGHT!) were running through the house playing, screaming, yelling, whooping and hollering at the TOP of their lungs. Having a ball - being relatively nice to each other - but louder than a rock concert on acid.

i walk over, grab a beer out of the fridge, pop the top, take a long draw, turn to the the au pair, nod my head toward the melee and tell her...
"my kids make me drink beer"

in her delightful german accent she tells me, "i think it should be whiskey."

we've got a live one!

here's your sign

2007-09-28T08:49:00.000-05:00

so i am going to atlanta in november for work.

and i figure it's time to get serious and lose a few (or a LOT of) pounds so perhaps my business clothes will fit me when i go. haven't seen these folks in awhile and don't want to be popping my buttons whilst there.

so this morning - to get off on the right foot, i grabbed a cup of prepackaged fresh grapefruit - in it's own juice. (which is delicious if you add a pkg of splenda)

i open it, stick a spoon in it, take it to my office and sit it on my desk by the keyboard.

step away from my desk for a sec.

return to my desk.

go to sit down and as i lean forward just a bit in order to properly plant my bottom in my seat, my big 'ole honking left boob catches the spoon and flips the cup over onto my desk. spilling the juicy contents everywhere.

SHOOOTTT! i yell at the top of my lungs. (new au pair is here and i am not comfortable just yet yelling SH*T and F*CK.)

so i clean up the mess, suck down the last bite or two and go to drink the last few saved sips of nectar.

which promptly leaks out a hole in my lower lip and drips down between BOTH boobies.

now, i mutter SH*T under my breath...

i take all this as a sign.

i am having a candy bar and ice cream for breakfast tomorrow and then going to buy some new clothes...

the latest

2007-09-26T12:02:00.000-05:00

so here's the rundown...

i have a sinus infection that is kicking my a*s.

the au pair is here and she is everything we hoped for and more. seriously. should have done this three years ago - i might still be sane...

we all got flu shots yesterday and my arm really hurts, dammit.

smith got bit at school by a little girl in his class. broke the skin. her mom called me and was mortified. i told her to lighten up. this is nothing in the scheme of things. (i had already called my ped - she said he was up to date on his shots and would live.)

smith threw a brick at sam's head and she has a nasty blueish-green bump on her forehead. the resulting bruise has taken a downward direction and she looks like she has a black eye. (you can see why the bite didn't rattle me so much.)

savvy has an IQ higher than mine. just got the test results. raw scores and all - but still - i see this as a real problem. and you can bet your sweet patootie i will NOT be telling her this.

in the process of negotiating an offer on our house that i seriously doubt will go through.

going to atlanta for a week in november for work. hope we aren't moving then...

that's all i got.

you?

9/11 - I Will Not Forget

2007-09-11T08:24:00.000-05:00

like many other significant dates in our country's history, i remember exactly and clearly the morning of September 11, 2001.

i was home with a five month old baby, a two year old toddler and my nanny (from Lebanon). doing normal morning stuff.

when my dad called. he asked if we were watching the news. he knew i seldom, if ever, turn the tv on in the morning.

so i walked to the den, flipped on the tv and the first image i saw was the twin towers in flames.

then i watched them crash down - with thousands trapped inside.

i watched as the pentagon was attacked.

i watched brave americans perish in pennsylvania as they fought back.

i wasn't the mother, sister, wife or friend of anyone lost that day. but i quickly realized i had an intimate connection to the loss. i am an american and i was a target. my children are targets.

(this image quickly became one of my favorites.

The artist is Eliza Gauger, a (then) 17-year-old student from Bellingham, Washington)

and today, six years later, americans are still targets. we are no safer today than we were then. there is a great deal of propaganda out there that would have us believe we are safer and the war on terrorism is being won.

i'm sorry.
did I miss something?
war on terrorism???
was it saddam that masterminded the 9/11 attacks?

no wait! he was the convenient scapegoat that allowed dubya to avenge his father's failures in the first gulf war while at the same time lining the pockets of dick cheney.

good ole' bait and switch.
nothing more than a cheap carnival trick.

i didn't buy it then.
i don't buy it now.

what a farce -
and a pathetic tribute to the americans that lost their lives six years ago today.

it's not much - but I will remember.

and i honor you today.

**********

for a much better editorial by Anna Quindlen, click here.

the au pair

2007-09-10T08:45:00.000-05:00

arrives on thursday...
not sure i could be happier!

she is a lovely young woman from Germany.
we have spoken several times and emailed endlessly.
she arrives in NYC today for a few days of orientation and training.
and then to dallas thursday night.

the girls are very excited.
savvy tells me - "this will change our lives."
i'm like - "yeah, that's what i am hoping for."
(cause your mommy is about to jump off a bridge if something doesn't change soon!)

still have not sold the house. interest has picked up. several second showings. a couple families really interested - but they have to sell their houses first. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Just ready for this to be over with.
really ready.

is it thursday yet?

it's no big secret...

2007-09-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

that one day i would like to write a book.

and i feel like i have at least a few of them (books) in me.

most of them i could not go on Oprah and talk about on national TV.

the story i am most likely to tell - in book form - is the one of being a mother to a special needs child along with two other (mostly) typical kids.

certainly not a How To - more of a How NOT To...

i struggle every single day with the challenges of this job. sometimes, all day long.

anywho - it's not a pity party i am throwing here. no time for that...

just wanted you to know that it may seem i am not blogging as much as i once did. and that is because i started a second blog (apraxia, by any other name) to document the day to day challenges with my daughter. these are my notes - in case i ever do write that book.

i've said it before, i'll say it again...

2007-08-31T08:06:00.000-05:00

it is never EVER dull.
Never.
Ever.

to prove my point...
this week, back to school.
i told you hubby has had to work late.
mother in law had surgery on monday
which leaves me to shuttle all kids to and from school
keeping in mind that i drop two off (locally) at 7:50AM, pick one up at 10:45AM and then drive all the way into dallas (1 hour one way) to pick up another at 3:10PM.
then pick up third child at neighbor's house because i could not get home in time to meet her at our house off the bus.

so first thing this week, hubby's aunt - here from mississippi to help out with ma-in-law after surgery falls down the stairs before they leave for the hospital and breaks her back. at least that's what we were told at first. come to find out, she missed the bottom three or so steps and only crushed a vertebra. ONLY. so ma-in-law and aunt-in-law end up in the same hospital. both are home now and mending beautifully.
you cannot make this stuff up.

not only has hubby worked late, he has gone next door every day since the accident to help out the neighbors feed up all their animals. (and i am THRILLED and proud he does this to help them)

in the mean time, i have done battle with all three kids by myself every afternoon and evening. that means homework with an ADHD child whilst two siblings are doing their dead level best to tear the house down around us. preparing dinner, feeding, bathing, reading, refereeing, meds and bed time - MEMEMEMEME.

please do keep in mind that my three kids do not play well together. and when they are getting along - and not fighting - it is most often because they are tearing something up. i.e. holes in walls, closet doors ripped down...

and then yesterday i get a call that they want to show my house b/t 4:30 and 6:30. oh please people - i have three small school age kids. you kick me out at that time for that long - you better buy this damn house and pay extra. i rush to clean up the house before i have to leave to pick up Sam in town.

so i had to drive all the way into Dallas to pick up Sam, return home to retrieve Savvy from the neighbors and was then back on my way to town to feed kids dinner at McDonald's.

was. did not make it that far. on the way, savvy asked sam to pass her a book. sam, in her adhd stupor was not paying attention and hit savvy in the eye with the book.
you would have thought savvy had a seven foot metal spear embedded in her eye the way she carried on. i pulled off the road. did my dr. mom act.

no spear, but there was a cut running up and down on the surface of the eye.
called hubby at work. dropped off Sam and Smith with him on the way to the ER with Savvy. it's after 5 and there are no dr's offices open now. of course.

four hours later, eye drops in hand and $100 ER co-pay poorer, we head home. only to be told by hubby that whilst he was feeding up, Smith picked a fight with a peacock. twice. and lost. both times.
"how bad is it?"
"pretty bad."

and indeed it looks pretty gross. bright red angry scratches across the back of his neck. a few smaller ones on his back. am ready to kill hubby. my last words to him were "watch them - keep them safe" - as i always get paranoid about the other two when one is injured....

icing on the cake - looking for sam's brand new stride rite NOT CHEAP school shoes this morning. "They are soaking wet by the back door."

i don't want to know...

politically incorrect...

2007-08-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

i have opinions.

i own them.

the following is a collection of my opinions on katrina and the aftermath...

what's all the fuss about New Orleans and Katrina damage?

Katrina did NOT damage NOLA. Hello people.

fraud and corruption for the last 100 years in NOLA government damaged the big easy.

If the money designated for levies and flood control had been utilized appropriately - GUESS WHAT - NOLA would not have flooded.

They did not have hurricane damage. They had flood damage. misery of their own making...

I am sick to death of hearing about poor 'ole New Orleans. those poor, poor people.
Those poor people elected their officials. They tolerated the political mayhem.

and now they are reaping what they sowed.

Now those poor, poor people from New Orleans are misplaced around the country. many still walking around with their hands held out. poor pitiful me. where's my next hand out coming from? The welfare mentality lives on.

it makes me sick. especially those that are over-running my small home town in south mississippi. and sapping it of all it's resources.

and if you are from new orleans and are out there working your tail end off to rebuild and move on, I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU.

The twin span bridge over lake Pontchartrain was taken out during katrina. This bridge was the main connector of new orleans with south mississippi. there is a common sentiment in south mississippi about the bridge going out. THANK GOD the bridge was damaged or WE would have gotten all the riff-raff from new orleans. sad, but true. instead, with the bridge out, these folks had to go west.

i guess i am a little angry about all this mess. have been for awhile. and not because i think my people (in Mississippi) are so much better than the folks from New Orleans. We got riff-raff too.

i just wish the media would quit making New Orleans and her people out to be some huge victim here. They are not.

i wish the media would quit overlooking the devastation that Katrina brought on South Mississippi. my home state has been treated as an afterthought in the katrina saga. and that just pisses me off.

what else pisses me off? hmmm, let's see - oh yeah, while i'm on a rant -
Can you believe that people actually had the audacity to say TO ME that folks should not live that close to the water? that they got what they deserved. First off, my family is 45 miles inland and they were without power for almost four weeks.

but seriously - with that train of thought, let's clear out california for fear of earthquakes, texas and kansas because of tornadoes and make certain there is a five mile building ban on both sides of the Mississippi river from Minnesota to the Gulf of Mexico in case it overflows it's banks.

mother nature is immune to prejudice. she cares not where you live, how much insurance you have, what color your skin is or how much you paid for your mobile home, mansion or farm house.

stupid people.

and another thing - not really an opinion - just an awakening.

be prepared people. for anything. do NOT assume that FEMA, the red cross, national guard or the local police will always be there to help you. i was blind before Katrina to this reality. i pay my taxes. everything I own is insured. same for my family in Mississippi. surely someone will come rescue me (them).

YOU WILL DIE WAITING ON HELP. hundreds did. be prepared to take care of yourself, your family and your neighbors - if you are so inclined.

the eye of katrina went over my parents house on monday around noon. my husband and his brother got to my parent's neighborhood in the wee hours of wednesday morning. and they were FIRST RESPONDERS in that neighborhood. that means they beat the local police, red cross, FEMA and the churches there. my family and their neighbors cut the trees out of the road so they could get out of the neighborhood and my hubby and his brother cut their way through the roads of mississippi to my family with chain saws. they drove from TEXAS with two pick-up trucks and two trailers filled with supplies. and they were the FIRST ONES THERE. family taking care of family.

i used to think that those 'survivalist' that kept cellars full of food, water and supplies were nut cases. i used to scoff at the people who raided the grocery stores before a big storm. but guess what - they're the ones that got it right. they are the ones that can survive a catastrophe.

and they are NOT the poor people walking around after the fact with their hands out waiting for someone else to come save them...

party at my house

2007-08-27T11:54:00.000-05:00

the kids went back to school today.

even smith is in a half day preschool program for 3 year olds! (Praise God for that grant money!)

i didn't cry (till i picked up my son and i could see how terribly glad he was to see me).

savvy didn't even give me a hug or a kiss.

DO WHAT?!

And Sam got up in a good mood - ready to get dressed and without fighting.

my kids have been replaced by stepford children...

I'm really going to miss them...