change, it is acoming

still here.
against my better judgement.
KIDDING.

and to my local friends and family -
i apologize if you learn the following information here before you hear it directly from me...

we are moving
leaving the farm. (farm-ette)
moving back to the hustle and bustle of city life.
back to the old neighborhood my hubby grew up in.

i cannot begin to express to you how difficult this decision has been for us.
we love it here.
wide open spaces
no street lights
stars at night
neighbors - although the very best on the planet - not so close as to be able to string a clothes line between our homes.
a small country church where we are accepted, welcomed, and the people there have never treated our special needs daughter as anything but just special.

simple living at it's absolute very best.
a home we love. where the kids can literally run in and out the FRONT or BACK doors and i don't have to sweat it.

so why are we doing this?

the last week of March found me in the ER thinking i was having a heart attack. seriously. chest pain. difficulty taking a deep breath. sobbing uncontrollably.
after a medical work-up - heart and lungs - the prognosis was the worst panic/anxiety attack i have ever experienced IN MY LIFE. and i can count on one hand how many panic attacks i have ever had.

Side Bar: real life funny story from the ER. They whisked us right back when we said the words "chest pain." fella put us in a small ER room, gave me a gown - you know the ones - and told me to take off everything but my panties.
i don't wear panties (or drawers - as we call them where i am from). haven't worn them in quite a while - but that's another story...

so anywho, he comes back in and starts putting these ekg sticker thingies all over my body. imagine his shock when he pulls up my gown and sees 'christmas.' but he keeps going. sticker after sticker. finally i look at him and say, "You know - if you're going to see me nekkid, the least you could do is introduce yourself." He did - and kept right on with the sticker thingies.

my husband was cringing in the corner.

back to the serious stuff...

life has been pressing down on me to the extent that i could not/cannot handle it any longer. and i'm a pretty tough cookie.

daughter #1, Sam, goes to the very best school in the US - bar none - to assist her with her numerous learning differences and speech delay. With their guidance and instruction, she has a SERIOUS chance at a normal life one day. her tuition for the past three years has exceeded what i paid for my four-year college degree. and we have paid it gladly. as well as the fuel bill to get her back and forth. which thanks in large part to "W" get higher every single day... (i digress and if i start a rant on this one - i WILL have a coronary!)

hubby takes her to school every morning. with traffic it is over an hour commute. w/out traffic, 45 minutes to an hour. we are talking about an 8 year old child making this kind of commute daily and her parents doing the same to get her back and forth.

and me trying to work a full-time job.
with a three year old under foot.
no baby sitter since November.
no help with normal, daily house work.

and while my son just started a two day a week mother's day out program -and LOVES it - i cannot get him to school, pick up Sam in town and then be home to meet Savvy off the bus after school. every week - a balancing act.


and we - as a family - have at minimum - one Dr.'s appointment in Dallas/week. usually it is two to three appointments. that's an hour into town, and hour or so for the visit and then an hour back home. three hours running here, there and yonder when i should be home doing my job - the one that PAYS me so i can support my family.

so we are moving. to be closer to the school, the doctors and the in-laws (which have been nothing short of PHENOM in helping us out.)

we are selling a house
we are buying a house
i have sent my six year old daughter to Mississippi to live with my folks and finish out the last two months of Kindergarten there.

THIS ALMOST KILLED ME.

Cried for two hours the night before she left. laid in bed holding her as she slept and sobbed silently trying hard not to wake her or let my tears fall onto her hair. (she'd had her hair straight-ironed that morning and would have been extremely pissy with me if i had messed that up.)

she will be fine. 100%. she LOVES going to school in Mississippi. She has told me numerous times she wants to go back to school in Mississippi. So I asked her saturday night if she still wanted to go back to school in Mississippi.
"YES!" was the answer.
so i said "Pack your bags."
and she did in less than 5 minutes flat.

selling a house.
buying a house
packing. moving. working. taking care of kids.
it's going to be madness for quite awhile -
but eventually
someday soon
i hope
i pray
this brings sanity back to our lives
to our family

it's a hell of a lot of work being a family.
don't ever let anyone else ever try to tell you otherwise...