damn doctors...

i turned 39 last month. for the first time. seriously. born in 1968 - you do the math.

went to the eye Dr to get new contacts and glasses. so he is doing his exam and i mention that i am starting to notice a small problem with reading fine print. not the computer screen, not the newspaper. not magazines.
F.I.N.E P.R.I.N.T.
you know, the tiny stuff.

he has the AUDACITY to point out that i am almost 40 and this kind of stuff happens when your eyes get older.

'scuse me?!?

i am attached to those eyes and i am certainly not getting anywhere NEAR older.

i never felt so old or insulted in all my barely 39 years. puh-lease.


then i go the my new family doctor. i haven't had one (a family Dr.) in years and my OB/GYN - who wrote me a script for anything i called and asked for - RETIRED. so i figured i should build a relationship with a new Dr. so that when i get pink eye again or my sinuses implode, i can actually get an appointment with someone i have met and approved of previously when NOT sick.

so i meet this new dr. she is young. (my age-ish) hip. cool. she thinks i am funny. she listened to me. we connected. clicked. she did a thorough exam. ordered blood work - all the normal things one does for a well checkup type experience.

she tells me she'll follow up with me on my blood results. see ya next year type thing and then she hands me some papers. printed material on some of the issues we had discussed. has her name and address on the top. nice touch, i think. just general information about being a woman and what you should do to have good health at this phase of your life.

and then i see it

the material she gave me is for the 40-49 year old woman age range.

HEEELLLLOOOOO, NEW DOCTOR - that i was really digging...

I AM 39 FREAK'N YEARS OLD.

I AM NOT 40.

Not for another 11 months and 5 days. (not that i am counting.)
and not that there is anything wrong with being 40. I think it will be just grand.

BUT I AM NOT 40.
DON'T FREAK'N RUSH ME!


and finally...
my daughter Samantha sees a psychologist once a week for counseling. i go in for 15 minutes and tell the doc how our week went and then Sam spends the rest of the hour (50 minutes) with the doc doing whatever it is they do.

so this week - based on the doc's suggestion - we started a new reward system with the goal of modifying unacceptable behaviour.

the idea is that every time we 'catch' a kid doing something nice, right, good, we add a penny to the small fruit jelly jar. when the jar is full, the kids get a reward. we decided the first reward would be really good - a trip to Chuck E. Cheese - aka adult purgatory!

so the kids nic-named the jar, "The Chuck E. Cheese" jar.

the first morning we used it, yesterday, WOW and holy COW! i have never seen better kids. jumping over each other to listen, follow directions, share, be kind to each other, get dressed, brush teeth and hair - not one complaint or whine.
not a single one.

Mom and Dad did not have to raise their voices once. It was like Mr. Roger's house on speed. the pennies just kept clinking in that jar. i thought it was brilliant. i envisioned a happy home with well-behaved children and clean floors for the rest of my natural life.

this morning I walked into Sam's room with the bunnies hop, hop, hopping under my feet, the blue birds singing on my shoulder. picture Snow White in the forest with the small, sweet, innocent, smiling animals. that was me almost skipping in to wake my precious angel from her slumber to start another glorious day in the Happy House.

soft sweet mother voice sings out...

"Samantha darling, it's time to get up and get ready for school. and don't forget about the Chuck E. Cheese jar..."

from under the covers comes a low growling rumble...

"I HATE THE CHUCK E CHEESE JAR!"


damn doctors...