- the most important reason i would never commit suicide is my family - specifically my kids. i could not leave them with that legacy. i'd rather them raised by a "kooky" mom than left by one unable to handle life and therefore ended hers.
- i am a ninny. pain scares me.
- i am afraid i would burn in hell for eternity
- don't want my husband to get the life insurance money. not because i don't love him or anything but i have no doubt that while my body rots in the ground he'd go out and buy a brand new red dodge viper. and i'd have to come back and haunt his ass. And at the very least - when i am dead, i want to rest - not have to get up and chase him around (in order to haunt him) in his sexy new little sports car.
- i have to know how this season of 24 will end
- have not been to scotland yet
- even though i have my own personal set of demons i deal with on a regular basis and they make me flat out batty sometimes, i love life. i love living. i love not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
Richard Jenni, comedian, shot and killed himself yesterday in West Hollywood. He's the guy that did the private engagement for my company's conference last year in Vegas. He brought the house down. He's the one I got to meet backstage with our CEO after the show. He's the guy that seemed so sincere and upbeat and glad to meet us in order to make sure he had done a great job for our company.
he obviously had his own demons.
you never really know when you meet someone what their demons may be.
i have demons.
you never really know if the people you deal with every day consider suicide as a way out.
everyday.
i consider it.
would never, EVER do it. for the reasons listed above and a thousand more.
but i still consider it. i relate - in a very twisted sort of way - to the people who actually do it. i do not extol their actions or wish to follow in their footsteps. i simply relate to the emotion that got them to the point of complete and utter desperation.
how sad that they did not have something to live for.
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7 comments:
t_cole, Thanks for writing this. Sometimes when I tell people that I understand how someone could committ suicide they look at me in an...odd way. But like you, I've considered it. Not every day anymore, but many days (and there have been stretches when it has been every hour.) Like you I had a list of why NOT to and our #1 reasons are the same. I LOVE your #4. ;)
Glad you have this list. Hang on to it.
peace.
I think your post is the most truthful posits I've read in a long time. More people think about suicide than don't. I think the insight into what we have to LIVE for rather than what we have to DIE for sometimes helps us make it through life with more clarity.
Being able to count a blessing even if it's something as simple as making a jelly sandwich is life-affirming.
Now - email me your mailing addy again. I have something for you that makes a whole lot of sense with how you're feeling these days. Demons be damned. You'll feel the love immediately!
Buddha Girl's first paragraph summed things up nicely.
I agree with her.
When I was at the depths of my depression years and years ago, I understood how someone could commit suicide. The hopelessness that envelopes you...it can be overwhelming.....
thanks ya'll.
I am feeling the love.
and i deeply, DEEPLY appreciate you understanding the sentiment of this post.
and not acting like you have to talk me down off a ledge or anything.
i'm okay. it's like my shrink tells me - i think too much.
that's all
tc
I understand your position too T. I remember we talked about Richard Jeni when you came out to visit last year. I loved him and thought he was the funniest comic ever. He was my favorite by a wide margin. I was really bummed out to hear he had taken his own life. I wonder if he knew how many people he actually touched if he might have found that one extra reason to fight for his life. I'm glad you know all of those reasons. Keep your chin up sister.
Great post T, I love your list...we all have our demons, knowing what keeps us going despite them is a wonderful thing.
Lots of love to you!
-lil'sis
Well written article.
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