not over. but better

am home now. son in his own bed - until i go to bed and i will tuck him in beside me.
he is weak
fragile
emaciated
tired
and one hell of a little fighter.

he is living on berry Gatorade, bananas, nilla wafers and cheerios.
his tummy can handle those.
his abdomen did swell up again last night. not quite as bad - but enough to scare me.
soaked him in a hot bath
rubbed his tummy as much as he would let me
gave him Mylicon drops.
after many toots of the deadly gaseous kind and several runny diapers, the swelling subsided enough so he could sleep.
he has not vomited since the early hours of Monday.
can't say the same for the bottom half of the illness. diaper changes involve baths.
and a load of dirty clothes.

he was so sick in the hospitals. but had enough energy to fight back every time someone in uniform entered the room. at not quite three, he had his own demands - "Go Away!" "Don't touch me!" "Let me go!" "Don't do that!" and his most favorite "NO!!"

so here we are. at home. finally making some progress toward recovery.

i am so far beyond exhausted. i keep waiting for the brick wall to fall on me. to crash.
when they are that sick, you don't really sleep. you close your eyes. your mind slows. but your ears hear every breath. every groan and each moan. the gurgles in his gut. you feel every movement he makes. so while it looks like sleep, it is not. nor is it rest.
people have asked me how i have been doing. and i reply that i feel fine. and i have. felt fine. but the sinking is starting. the fatigue and mental exhaustion creeping into the seams of my mother armor.

time to rest.
sort of...