AMEN

six year old daughter sucks her

she really, REALLY wants one of these

we have refused to purchase this item for almost two years.

*******

so we told her if she would completely stop sucking her

we would buy her one of these

the other night at bedtime

we are saying prayers.

As I was about to utter "Amen" she places

her sweet little hand over my mouth and says

"shhh, shhh. i need to add something.

and God, please help me stop sucking my thumb.

you know how bad i want that barbie laptop."

"Amen"

SO HELP ME....

IF I EVER FIND OUT

WHO TOLD MY THREE YEAR OLD

SON THAT THERE IS THIS:

OR THIS

IN OUR HOUSE.

I SPENT THE GREATER PART

OF LAST NIGHT TRYING

TO CONVINCE HIM

THERE IS NOT A T-REX

OR MONSTERS IN OUR HOUSE.

SO HELP ME...

I HAVE A NEW REASON TO LIVE

YES, I AM YELLING AT YOU!


well not so much at you as i am yelling out loud for EVERYONE to hear!




BON JOVI HAS A NEW ALBUM
AND THE FIRST SINGLE
IS RELEASED TOMORROW.




did ya hear ME????





TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YA TOMORROW.



no, wait - correct sentiment - wrong song, certainly wrong artist.

Are these boys not delicious?!

don't ya just want to take a bite?

at the very least, a nibble?

is it getting warm in here or is that just me???

anywho - just got the email and i have been doing the little bon jovi happy dance all over the house. (Not really - too tired and lazy after my trip to LA last week and the west coast time change thing along with the daylight savings and my flight being delayed and driving all day yesterday to pick up my daughter after a week's visit in Mississippi -inhale- anyway, i am tired) so i have been THINKING about doing the bon jovi happy dance all over the house.



The actual press release:



(March 19, 2007 – New York, NY) Flush with the success of their record-breaking world tour and multi-platinum album Have A Nice Day
– Island Records group Bon Jovi has completed a new album, LOST HIGHWAY.
Produced by Dann Huff (Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts) and John Shanks (who co-produced Have A Nice Day, and whose credits include Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Chris Isaak and others) LOST HIGHWAY will arrive in stores June 19th on Island Records/Mercury Nashville. “(You Want To) Make A Memory,” the first single from the new album, will be blasted out to radio on Tuesday, March 20th.



Hello Boys. I've been waiting on yoooouuuuu!

why i would never commit suicide...

1. the most important reason i would never commit suicide is my family - specifically my kids. i could not leave them with that legacy. i'd rather them raised by a "kooky" mom than left by one unable to handle life and therefore ended hers.
2. i am a ninny. pain scares me.
3. i am afraid i would burn in hell for eternity
4. don't want my husband to get the life insurance money. not because i don't love him or anything but i have no doubt that while my body rots in the ground he'd go out and buy a brand new red dodge viper. and i'd have to come back and haunt his ass. And at the very least - when i am dead, i want to rest - not have to get up and chase him around (in order to haunt him) in his sexy new little sports car.
5. i have to know how this season of 24 will end
6. have not been to scotland yet
7. even though i have my own personal set of demons i deal with on a regular basis and they make me flat out batty sometimes, i love life. i love living. i love not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

Richard Jenni, comedian, shot and killed himself yesterday in West Hollywood. He's the guy that did the private engagement for my company's conference last year in Vegas. He brought the house down. He's the one I got to meet backstage with our CEO after the show. He's the guy that seemed so sincere and upbeat and glad to meet us in order to make sure he had done a great job for our company.

he obviously had his own demons.

you never really know when you meet someone what their demons may be.

i have demons.

you never really know if the people you deal with every day consider suicide as a way out.

everyday.

i consider it.

would never, EVER do it. for the reasons listed above and a thousand more.

but i still consider it. i relate - in a very twisted sort of way - to the people who actually do it. i do not extol their actions or wish to follow in their footsteps. i simply relate to the emotion that got them to the point of complete and utter desperation.

how sad that they did not have something to live for.

it was NOT the peanut butter

my son has recuperated nicely from his recent stint of hugely disgusting, pitifully painful, air putrefying illness. diagnosis - blastocystic hominis. from what i can tell by googling this - he got it on his last visit to a third world country...

anywho, his sweet little bones are not poking out any more - 'cept where they are supposed to. his cheeks are round and rosy again. not hollow and pale. his personality is back in full swing - and then some. it's as if he has to make up for lost time.

he woke from his nap yesterday full of piss and vinegar. he father picked him up out of his bed and deposited him in my lap on the couch.
son immediately demanded "i want a 'nola bar NOW!"

TRANSLATED: "May I please have a granola bar dear sweet mother?"

so i threw him a curve ball.

i casually asked in my deflecting i'm-gonna-try-to-get-you-to-eat-an-apple mother tone "You want a sucker?"

"NO! I want a..... YEAH!" HIS EYES BIG. MOUTH OPEN. "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MOTHER" stare.

i laughed until i cried

that was fun

i need more moments like that

don't we all...

damn doctors...

i turned 39 last month. for the first time. seriously. born in 1968 - you do the math.

went to the eye Dr to get new contacts and glasses. so he is doing his exam and i mention that i am starting to notice a small problem with reading fine print. not the computer screen, not the newspaper. not magazines.
F.I.N.E P.R.I.N.T.
you know, the tiny stuff.

he has the AUDACITY to point out that i am almost 40 and this kind of stuff happens when your eyes get older.

'scuse me?!?

i am attached to those eyes and i am certainly not getting anywhere NEAR older.

i never felt so old or insulted in all my barely 39 years. puh-lease.


then i go the my new family doctor. i haven't had one (a family Dr.) in years and my OB/GYN - who wrote me a script for anything i called and asked for - RETIRED. so i figured i should build a relationship with a new Dr. so that when i get pink eye again or my sinuses implode, i can actually get an appointment with someone i have met and approved of previously when NOT sick.

so i meet this new dr. she is young. (my age-ish) hip. cool. she thinks i am funny. she listened to me. we connected. clicked. she did a thorough exam. ordered blood work - all the normal things one does for a well checkup type experience.

she tells me she'll follow up with me on my blood results. see ya next year type thing and then she hands me some papers. printed material on some of the issues we had discussed. has her name and address on the top. nice touch, i think. just general information about being a woman and what you should do to have good health at this phase of your life.

and then i see it

the material she gave me is for the 40-49 year old woman age range.

HEEELLLLOOOOO, NEW DOCTOR - that i was really digging...

I AM 39 FREAK'N YEARS OLD.

I AM NOT 40.

Not for another 11 months and 5 days. (not that i am counting.)
and not that there is anything wrong with being 40. I think it will be just grand.

BUT I AM NOT 40.
DON'T FREAK'N RUSH ME!


and finally...
my daughter Samantha sees a psychologist once a week for counseling. i go in for 15 minutes and tell the doc how our week went and then Sam spends the rest of the hour (50 minutes) with the doc doing whatever it is they do.

so this week - based on the doc's suggestion - we started a new reward system with the goal of modifying unacceptable behaviour.

the idea is that every time we 'catch' a kid doing something nice, right, good, we add a penny to the small fruit jelly jar. when the jar is full, the kids get a reward. we decided the first reward would be really good - a trip to Chuck E. Cheese - aka adult purgatory!

so the kids nic-named the jar, "The Chuck E. Cheese" jar.

the first morning we used it, yesterday, WOW and holy COW! i have never seen better kids. jumping over each other to listen, follow directions, share, be kind to each other, get dressed, brush teeth and hair - not one complaint or whine.
not a single one.

Mom and Dad did not have to raise their voices once. It was like Mr. Roger's house on speed. the pennies just kept clinking in that jar. i thought it was brilliant. i envisioned a happy home with well-behaved children and clean floors for the rest of my natural life.

this morning I walked into Sam's room with the bunnies hop, hop, hopping under my feet, the blue birds singing on my shoulder. picture Snow White in the forest with the small, sweet, innocent, smiling animals. that was me almost skipping in to wake my precious angel from her slumber to start another glorious day in the Happy House.

soft sweet mother voice sings out...

"Samantha darling, it's time to get up and get ready for school. and don't forget about the Chuck E. Cheese jar..."

from under the covers comes a low growling rumble...

"I HATE THE CHUCK E CHEESE JAR!"


damn doctors...