need some love

Attention All Blog Buddies, Family and Friends.

I need for you to go here:

http://www.livefromthe205.com/

and give my friend from High School, Class of 86, Kim some serious blog love.
She lost her husband last month and is struggling mightily.
Go read about it and love on her for me please.
Pass this on if you can.

you don't say

so I am brushing and braiding Savvy's hair last night.
She tells me that her friend 'Suzie' tore her paper doll on the bus.

me - "I am sure it was an accident."
her - "Nope. She did it on purpose. She bullies me on the bus."
me - "Really???!!!"
her - "Yeah - she said I was as stupid as a rock."
me - "seriously????"
her - "Yep."
me - "Did you tell Mr. John?" Mr. John being the bus driver.
her - "No, Suzie lies a lot to get out of trouble."
me - "Did you say anything mean to Suzie?"
her - "No. Never."
me - "Really???? And do you ever lie to get out of trouble?"
her - "Only to you."

now that, I believe....

where's mine?

Since joining Facebook over a year ago, I have become reintroduced to a lot of folks from my past. High school, college, summer jobs, ex coworkers, blogger friends, even some family. It has been a fantastic experience. And I have enjoyed almost every single second of it.

But I have noticed a strange phenomenon. I had two really close girlfriends through High School and College. I am still in contact with both of them. The three of us made a pact in high school to graduate virgins. And we did. (at least they say they did.) We've been through a lot together over the years. Good, Bad and Otherwise.

They were the petite, pretty ones growing up. The guys were always crazy about them. I was the observer of their relationships. the confidant and advisor.

sometimes jealous. sometimes not.

now, I am certainly jealous.

I have reconnected with two different men on FB. Each guy dated one of my bestest girlfriends for awhile when we were teenagers.

One of these men told me about one girlfriend, "She has always been my 'What If Girl'?"

The other man said to me this just week about the other girlfriend, "I wonder if she knows she is the only woman I have ever really loved?"

WHAT THE HECK????!!!!!

Where's my guy? I want one. I don't necessarily want him now. I just want to know there is a guy out there that thinks he let the best thing in his life (me) get away.

Is that too much to ask? THEY got one.

where's mine?

cole crime spree

in the past couple weeks, Savvy has brought me some beautiful red tulips (bulb and all) she found blooming on the side of the road.

Now I know tulips do not grow wild but I could not figure out where she was getting them. I asked her and she told me from the empty lot "over there." She spotted them when she was riding on the bus. And knows that tulips are her mother's most favorite flower.

It was sweet, but suspicious at the same time.

So on Sunday, after Savvy had gone to Mississippi, the rest of the kids and I went for a walk. I asked Smith - where is Savvy getting those flowers from. He shows me. Oh Shit.

And while I can understand why it would look like an empty lot to a 7 year old, I KNOW it is the neighbor's land and SHE planted them.

I didn't say anything and we went on about our walk.

On the way back, neighbor woman met me at the end of drive. Super nice lady. We started talking and before she could even bring it up, I asked her if she had planted some tulips?

Yes, in fact, she had. My horror confirmed. My flower bed now contains stolen merchandise.

I apologized profusely. Told her that the child responsible was not present but would be coming to see her soon.
So Savvy doesn't know it but when she gets back from Lulu's, she is taking nice neighbor lady a pot of tulips.
It was an honest mistake. One of kindness and thoughtfulness.
Humiliating, none the less...

And then yesterday, Sam and I at the grocery store. She spies the bulk candy. I tell her No Way! in no uncertain terms. That it is stealing when you take candy and don't pay for it.

I turn my head for two seconds and then next thing I know she has a guilty look on her face and won't meet my eyes.
and this is one of those times You Just Know...

I made her open her mouth and sure enough - full of candy.

Okay. Deep breath. Teaching Moment.

I tell her when I get done at the pharmacy, she is going to the store mgr and tell him she stole his candy - AFTER her mother told her not to.

There is a small voice in the back of my head praying for a mgr with kids who understands the value of a good lesson.

So walking out, I approach the store manager, and tell him my daughter has something to tell him.
Sam is mute.
Raw fear in her eyes.
So I explain to him that I told her not to eat the candy, that it was stealing but she did it anyway.
and I saw the faintest upturn of the corner of his lips and that little voice in my head said "PHEW!"

Sam immediately apologized.
He asked her if she understood that what she did was wrong.
Nods, up and down.
And he tells her that her Mom is trying to teach her right from wrong and she should listen to me.
(I love this guy now!)
I ask her if there is anything else she wants to tell him?
She tells him she will never do it again.
And I believe her!

Did I ever tell you about the time she stole the tennis shoes from Nordstoms when she was THREE years old?

it's never dull....

second verse, same as the first

So we lost the contract on our house today. The buyer cancelled it. After an inspection, appraisal, septic system inspection and much negotiation grief.

He said it was too much work.

No, really buying and selling a house is supposed to fun? You don't say.

We had just today made an offer on another house. One we liked very much. 1 acre in the city. Husband's dream shop. Had checked out the schools and whatnot. Were in the process of negotiating terms of our offer when the cancellation came through.

I think we call this back to square one. I HATE this.
HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!

Have also learned that before we can sell our house to another buyer we have to install a new 'county approved' septic system. Bye Bye $6500.

On the upside, I don't have to pack and move. I guess that's something...

taking care of second base

Been under a HUGE amount of stress lately - and not the good kind.

So you can imagine my amusement on Tuesday of this week when I discovered a lump in my right breast. which, I might add, is a small miracle in itself. I could have a Mini Coop in my boobs and not notice it on most days. (If you've ever met my chest, you understand)

So i phoned my OB/GYN Wednesday morning and she worked me in that afternoon.

And can you go in and just have them check your boobies???

NOOOOOO, you gotta have the oil checked too - far and away one of my least favorite activities.
And when did they start asking you to squeeze their fingers? I'm like "Okay, am I squeezing now?"
"Yeah?"
"Good."

so she sends me for a diagnostic mammogram. That just means if they find anything with the regular mammogram, they can take you in the next room and do a sonogram right then.

Had my mammys grammed this morning. And Oh Boy was that fun.
Seriously, who wouldn't enjoy having their boobies smashed until they were 16 inches across. I am not kidding - i looked. the glass is calibrated. 16 inches wide 2 inches thick.

And I know why they mush them so tight - so you can't escape and KILL the technician when she tells you to inhale and hold it. Talk about wanting to Reach Out And Touch Someone! You are so relieved when she hits the Release button you forget about wanting to KILL her. Until she hits the SMASH button again. Vicious, nasty cycle.

So she finishes the smashing part and takes me to a private waiting room while the radiologist reads the films. She says that if he sees anything, they will do the sonogram.

So I'm sitting in there mumbling Please Don't Find Anything. Please Don't Find Anything.

And apparently they do. Find something.Cause I am off to the sonogram room.

And the same technician is in there that did my hystosonogram three years ago. She found polyps in my uterus. I take this as a sign.

So she tells me to lay on the bed. I do. and of course previously smashed boobies sag into the armpit. Some women compare their post nursing boobs to sports socks with tennis balls in them. I have stretched out shower caps with cantaloupes in them. And when i lay on my back, the melon is in the pits.

I have to lie on my left side so she can do the sonogram in the right place.
Sonogram shows nothing. Nada!
I show her where the lump is. Still nothing.

I'm like, "what the heck???!!!"
she then tells me that the radiologist on duty ALWAYS has the sonogram done on diagnostic mammograms. Alrighty then. (audible exhale)

So she finds nothing and then tells me she is going to show the results to the radiologist and he will come talk to me.

Okay - some strange guy is going to check out second base now. Not that this has never happened before, but it's been awhile and I wasn't prepared for this today. Seriously, I would have worn lipstick if I'd known boys were invited to the party.

As I am contemplating my lack of cosmetics, Mr. Radiologist walks in. Introduces himself and proceeds to feel me up with the sonogram wand.
I am thinking he just wanted to see the chick welding the 16 inch wide tatas.

He tells me - And I Quote, "You have fantastic breasts
tissue."

I have been told many things by many men over the years about my breasts; this is a first. I have fantastic breast tissue!?!?!?!?!

He continues to explain that there are four types of breast tissue going from dense to not dense. in the case of a mammogram, not dense is best for seeing foreign objects. So what he was really saying that my boobs are see through - or something like that...

So he tells me I am free to go - no worries. Oh, but do follow up with the Breast Specialist. Seriously, they have breast specialist? I know oh so many men that would LOVE to sign up for that gig.

So girls - go get your girls checked out.
It ain't a lick of fun - but it's good for you!

never been one for secrets...

Which might explain why I have felt like exploding lately....

Have not told everything I know - primarily because I didn't want to jinx anything or cause undue alarm. That is so not me. Have always been a What You See Is What You Get type gal. And being a WYSIWYG is not always easy or fun. But it's who I am. In my DNA.

So hear goes -
Currently have a contract on our house. Yes, Virginia, we have a BUYER!
We put a bid in on a house that I have been watching for nine months. Did not get that house. Totally bummed.
So now have to find somewhere we like and can move into within six weeks.
Have actually been questioning why we are moving. Is the benefit really there? (and it is - but it's just such a PITA!)

My next door neighbor and dearest of friends had brain surgery last month. Heavy duty 3" hole in the head surgery. And she is making a fantastic recovery - but still scared the living crap out of me.

Found a lump in my breast two days ago. went to the OB/GYN yesterday to have it looked at. And decided it was really sad when the most 'action' I have had in months is getting felt up by the GYN. Anywho, doctor believes it is not malignant but still have to have the mammys grammed and checked out further. JUST what I needed right now. NOT!

There are other things - minor in comparison - but there's more. Don't have the energy to go into all of it now.

And today is the most wonderful Mom in the world's birthday.
Love you Mom! Hope it is a fantabulous day for you.
Lord knows you deserve it!

Love,
Your WYSIWYG daughter

Life Lesson #237

IF you have given birth to three kids -
THE old fashioned way - utilizing the VaJayJay -
IT is a VERY good idea to go pee BEFORE you gallop on a horse across the pasture.

I'm just saying...

Lost and Found and Lost

I have just returned from a trip to Mississippi I never wanted to make.
I helped bury a friend this week.

My parents have lived in the same house for going on 33 years. All those many years - they have had the same neighbors. And we have always said they are the best neighbors money CAN'T buy. You could not special order better folks to live next door to for 33 years.

And that's a long time to live in one place. My parents home, the neighborhood and our neighbors are integral components of my Sense of Place. When my spirit goes home, this is where it goes. The houses, the dirt, the trees, and especially the people tie me to who I am. It was disconcerting when Katrina came through and wiped out many of the trees I had played in as a kid.

Losing a person from this place is devastating to my inner compass. I ache for myself, to be sure. But I also ache for his mother, father, sister, step daughter, and bride. Yes, he had been married less than a year to his soul mate when he was taken from us.

DW was five years older than me. We were never best buddies in the secret-telling sense. He pestered the life out of me as only a big brother type can. I remember whacking him with a hairbrush during one of his pester sessions and BREAKING the hair brush. He just laughed at me. (He knew my Mom was going to KILL me.)

But when it came down to brass tacks, DW was the one who beat up the neighborhood bully for bothering me. I knew he loved me - in a aggravating ingratiating way.

We grew up. Went to college, moved away, got married. Me, to a fantastic man. DW, on the other hand, did not have that same fortune in his first marriage.

When I had babies, his Mom and Dad told me they would like to adopt my kids as their own. I was beyond flattered and THRILLED. Due to various circumstances, they believed they would never have biological grandkids. And mine would fit the bill. So they became Momma G and Poppa D. I was in Mississippi when Smith was born and Momma G was in the delivery room with us. She was the one insisting I "Hurry Up!" Apparently her third grandchild was not getting here quick enough...

Poppa D picked Savvy up at daycare that day and brought her to the hospital to meet her new little brother. And when we tell the story of when Brother was born - that's her line, "Poppa D brought me to the hospital!"

Through the years, Momma G and Poppa D kept me updated on DW and where his life was taking him. They were pained over his relationships, his lack of direction for his life, and various other challenges. They never once expressed disappointment in him to me - but always a strong desire for life to be better for him.

DW loved his parents silly. One would be hard pressed to find a bigger Momma's Boy. In the early 90's he gave his mother one of his kidneys without batting an eye.

And simply put - he thought his Daddy walked on water and could do no wrong. I have no doubt there were many years where the only thing that pulled him through was the love and support of his parents.

And I know - at the same time Momma G and Poppa D kept me up on DW - they were telling him of my challenges, missteps and triumphs. At one time I know he was reading this blog to keep up with me. He even told me how much he enjoyed it.

A few years ago, his marriage to the first wife came to an end.

And not long after, I got word that a new woman was on the scene. And Momma G and Poppa D really liked her. I was told she hadn't really wanted to go out with DW at first. (THIS I could understand!) But go out they did and it wasn't long before Cupid had his way with them.

In my life I have seen men (and some women) with untapped potential wandering aimlessly through life until they met the right person. And that right person doesn't necessarily make the lost wanderer a better person, but serves as the catalyst for bringing out the best in them.

And this is how it was for DW and J. He was always kind, gentle, funny, charming (choke), and brilliant. But he was the wanderer. Lost in his life without serious purpose or a real sense of direction. Falling in love with J gave him purpose, direction and a reason to be the man he was predestined to be.

But we will never know how this love story should have ended.

In January of 2008, he went for his yearly physical.
That was the beginning of the end. The disease he was ultimately diagnosed with has no cure and is very rare.

Realizing that time was precious and nothing is certain, they married in May, 2008.

DW left J on Sunday, January 4, 2009. Before their first wedding anniversary.

I am told his passing was peaceful and he was surrounded by people that loved and adored him. He was aware up to the very end and his last I love you was for his mother. He had previously told J he loved her and did not want to leave her.

I hurt for Momma G, Poppa D and J. For his sister and step daughter too.

It's not natural for a parent to outlive a child.
Or for a bride to bury her groom.

and my sense of place is rattled. altered forever.

I love you DW...
always did...

but if you tell anyone, I'LL deny it!

Here Comes Santa Claus

Sometime back around Thanksgiving Hubby came home from work to tell me that My Santa was no longer at the same mall. He had left. My Santa. Gone. MIA. AWOL.

So being the resourceful Mom that I am, I Googled Santa Claus.

Found him. You can run - but you can't hide.

He moved. New location. Outdoors - so now he can bring his Reindeer. Yep, real live reindeer.

So if you are looking for The Big Guy - he is no longer at Stonebriar Mall but at the Village in Allen. And he is just as wonderful as he always was. I LOVE this man. seriously. I tear up every time I take the kids to see him. He makes ME believe in Santa. LOVE LOVE LOVE him!

See for yourself...

Next in line to see The Big Guy! With life-long BFF's kiddos.

Here's Santa!!!

Enjoying the Post Santa Glow...

And they have this cool kid-size Christmas Village.

(Savvy is caught in the act!)

Exactly where my girls need to be - the BANK!

Don't forget the reindeer.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

there's a new man in my life

my mother introduced me to him.
I don't know what she was thinking.
she, of all people, knows what an addictive personality I have.

He is already causing problems with my marriage. I don't pay enough attention to my hubby because I am constantly distracted with my new love.

But I cannot stop myself. I am addicted to him. Cannot get enough.
He's a home-boy from Mississippi which doesn't help matters. Common Ground. I automatically feel a real connection with him.

And my biggest turn-on ever - intellectual men with big vocabularies. (I know what you thought I was going to say! Shame on you - this is a family blog)

And he is a master with his hands. Few compare.

what's a girl to do? All I can think about is getting my hands on him. I look for him whenever I go out. Hoping to catch site of him. So I can take him home with me once again. Once, twice - it's just not enough!

It is too long between each experience.
But I just can't do this right now. The timing is awful.
Three young kids - all in school. Homework, lunches to pack.

I will have to wait until the holidays and next summer before I can start a full-out obsession and immerse myself in him.

and his work.

he's a writer. an author. a musician. and downright sexy.

Greg Iles. And if you haven't read him yet - I invite you to become obsessed too.

Just remember he was mine first.

i got a new camera

Purty cool, huh?

The Results

Do I LOOK like I'm having fun?

My van was totaled.

There, I said it.

Everyone is fine. no serious injuries.

THANKFULLY!



But this was the van we had ONE more payment on.

New au pair was going to pick son up at school and drove into a tree.

Ouch.

Not exactly sure what happened - just know it was 30 yards out of the driveway and she was messing with the radio.



Did I mention we had one more payment?



Bless her heart - it scared her to death.

Hell, it scared me to death!



We have been having a rough adjustment period since she got here. I think my kiddos are more than she bargained for. (truth be told, they are more than I bargained for!)



But she is really trying. She does want to be here.

It's just a lot at once - for ANYONE!



I went to Houston this past weekend for a dear friend's 50th birthday party. I physically had to split the kids up so they would be taken care of and would not KILL each other.

Savvy to Mema's. Smith to Uncle J and Aunt M. Sam at home with Daddy and new au pair.



one payment left ...

i am dwelling, aren't I?

Chin up.
Shoulders back.
Onward...

We are almost through week three with the new au pair.
She is darling, sweet, cute, funny and trying very hard.

It is completely different than the last go 'round.
Due to my potential audience, I will not go into a lot of detail.

But we are all working very hard to make this a successful year.
Okay, let me restate that...
The new au pair, Hubby and I are working very hard to make this a successful year. My three kids are still well on their way to making the grown ups batty.

On the Milestones of Life front, my four year old son is riding the school bus to school in the mornings. This was not my plan or idea.

I have been taking Savvy and Smith to school every morning - although the bus comes by our house. However, when the new au pair got here, I could not get all three kids to school on time so we had to do some finagling of schedules. New au pair and I would drop Savvy and Smith off at the cousins' house and they would ride the bus from their house to school - with the older cousins. That would allow new au pair and me the time necessary to drive Sam to school in Dallas.

So now, new au pair can drive to Dallas with Sam on her own. And I was going to go back to taking the other two to school every morning. Mainly because I did not want my four year old son on the bus.

But Savvy decided she wanted to ride the bus in the morning. Okay, if she got up early and was ready - she could ride the bus. Easy enough.
She did this for two days and I took Smith to school those days.

Yesterday, Savvy, in her best snake-oil salesman tone, convinced Smith he wanted to ride the bus with her.

At this point she then tells me that after the bus picks her up, it goes and picks up older cousins. (who I know will look after both of them.)

My biggest concern was that the older kids on the bus would pick on him. And Savvy would not stand up to them on his behalf.

Their cousin, a Sr. in high school, is #2 in the state of Texas in ALL classes for weight lifting. I am not so worried about any one picking on my kids with big buff cousin around.

So now, with a combination of pride and grief, I walk both kids to the end of the driveway and put them on the school bus each morning.
and tell myself it is going to be okay.
that they are supposed to grow up and be independant.
that this is my ultimate responsibility - to raise self-sufficient kids.

just didn't know i was going to take such a big leap this week...

sniff, sniff...

Raise Your Arms, Watch Your Knees

& Exit to Your Left Please!

If I had a dollar for every time I said that between 1984 and 1988 - I would be considerably richer than I am today.

The summer after I turned 16 it was time to get a summer job and the small Mississippi town I grew up in didn't offer a lot of choices. I have always been one to dream big so I decided I wanted to work at Six Flags Over Georgia.

Cool. So I took the Amtrak train to Atlanta. One of my Mom's childhood friends picked me up and took me for an interview. I got the job. FABULOUS! Now, where in the heck am I going to stay. My Mom's friend lived too far from the park for that to work.

So my brilliant mother came up with an idea from her youth. She grew up in the Georgia Baptist Children's home in Atlanta. Most summers the 'orphans' (as they called themselves) went to visit with a family somewhere in Georgia.

So Mom whipped up a letter about her daughter wanting to work at Six Flags and was looking for a family that lived near Six Flags that would take on a boarder for the summer. I am serious. We sent the letter to several churches in the Six Flags area. We got one call. As we quickly discovered - it only takes one call.

The family I met and lived with for the next FIVE summers is my family. by choice. I am still in touch with them and their beautiful, talented kids. (they read this sometimes and I want them to know I LOVE THEM TO ABSOLUTE PIECES!)

Meeting them and having them in my life all these years has been the best benefit of those summers at SFOG.

But about the job. It was a real world case of Country Come to Town!

Small town girl meets big city kids.

They smoked, cussed, drank and had sex. Well maybe not all of them - but they were a lot more mature and sophisticated than I was.

I had crushes on all the guys and wanted to be like all the girls. Seriously.

And it was not all fun and games. We worked 8 hour shifts - often in the blazing hot Georgia sun on black asphalt. I worked rides - there was NO AC. I had the absolute best farmer's tan for years. I think I could still find tan lines from those summers! On Saturdays, we could deal with upwards of 40,000 guests in the park. Trust me - that's a lot of people. Concert nights were nothing less than controlled chaos and brought out ALL the freaks.

My Mom used to tell me when I was growing up, "Honey, you have to watch out for the weirdo's out there. They look just like you and me - but they are weird."

After my first concert night I called my Mom. "Mom, you are right. There are weirdos out there - but they don't look like me and you any longer!" Remember this was 1984. I saw kids with piercings in places most people hadn't even dreamed of piercing yet. I thought I was cutting edge then b/c I had one ear pierced twice. One chick had on a halter top of duct tape. wrapped in cones around her boobies. (imagine taking that OFF!)

Chains, spikes, colored hair, leather...

Oh yes, I got a lot of 'exposure' in my formative teenage years.

And then there were lost, snotty kids. Parents who did not want to follow park regulations - even when it was for their own kid's SAFETY! I saw first hand what happened when you put a kid on a ride they were not mature enough for. Broken teeth, bloody noses, vomiting, black eyes - you name it. I escorted my fair share of those to First Aide.

In spite of all the challenges, those were the very best summers of my entire life.

I grew up. I learned how to deal with the public - on a very large scale. I learned how to be a part of team and work with others. I learned responsibility - being the operator for one of those multimillion dollar rides is nothing to sneeze at. Not only are you responsible for the ride - but for the lives of the folks riding it. Their safety is your number one responsibility. And back then - we didn't have Start/Stop buttons. The coasters had hand breaks. You started and stopped those trains on skill. not computers.

I remember one day, a guest had caused a problem; I called in security. They were escorting Mr. Problem out of the park and he came at me physically. I was operating The Great American Scream Machine, a gigantic wooden coaster with two trains on. my supervisor was in my ear - "t_cole - concentrate on the trains. take care of the trains. security will take care of you." And they did - and I learned how to work under pressure.

I got to meet a few of the headliner acts that came through. Let's see, I guess the biggest was Duran Duran. I actually saw girls fainting and crying - like those old Beetles films. I was borderline hyperventilating myself. The operations director - also a friend - told me to leave the area. I looked him dead in the eye and said 'not on your life.' He laughed, let me stay and I got to meet the boys.

Also met Bill Medley of the Righteous Brothers, Richard Marx and Glass Tiger. Waved at President Jimmy Carter from the train. I know there were more - but they're not coming to me.

But the absolute very best part of the job was not the superstars met but the folks I worked with every day. We worked hard and we played harder. Not before nor since have I known a more energetic, fun-loving group of people.

It was hot. We were sweaty. The park was crowded and noisy. Best of all, we were immortal, hormonal teenagers working in an amusement park. It was a larger than life adventure for us every day. You can't bottle that.

Through the power of the internet and SFOG alumni groups on networking sites, I have recently been in touch with a few of these (once) teenage co-workers. It has been so rewarding to hear that for the most part, they remember it as fondly as I do.

You can't go back. Nor am I trying to. I started at SFOG when I was 16. My last summer I was 20. I went from being an awkward teenager to a worldy young adult in those years. Growing up at SFOG is a permanent part of me and my life's history. Those folks and our shared experiences play a part in who I am today.

and I wouldn't have it any other way...

One week left...

Until the new au pair arrives. Also from Germany.

I have finally leveled off on the emotions and quit crying every time au pair extraordinaire text messages me. I am finding my way without her. It still just sucks. And reminds me greatly how much she added to our family.

But on we go.

My Mom came out this week to help and next week Dad will be here. Last week the in-laws pulled Grand Kid Duty. God bless them all...

I am worried about the expectations thing with the new au pair. I mean, how do you top perfect?

I know, I know, different is okay. And the local coordinator told me I need to wipe the slate clean - start fresh. No expectations. okay. makes sense.

But come on, people. I am human.

But I am trying.

I need my kids to try too - so they don't have her run screaming for the first flight out of Texas in the first 24 hours...

This is going to be so much fun.

I am smiling, dammit...

Bye Bye Most Wonderful Au Pair in the Universe

I am completely inconsolable.

My MOM gave me permission to cry all day long if I want.

And I want.

Our au pair left today.

I have hurt all day long. could not put words to it. and i was thinking about her and memories of our year and i remembered her introducing hubby and me as her Host Parents.

Host Parents.
Parents.

THAT'S IT!! my child has left home !

and even worse, it's my favorite child.

When I could finally put words to my emotions, I told the Hubby. He said that can't be what I'm feeling. If one of our kids had left home, we would be partying! (And he has a point)

But I have an empty place. If you had told me a year ago that this 18 year old womanchild would come into our lives and make such a huge difference in our qualify of life - I would not have believed you.

But she did. It was not an easy job. And it certainly was not often fun.
But she stuck with it and almost always went above and beyond what was called for.

When I was 12, I started going away for the summers. Camp, boarding school, summer job at SFOG. And I always hated the good byes at the end of the summer. I would more often than not come home crying. My Dad always told me if I had not had a great time and if I did not care about the people I had befriended, it would be easy to leave. And he was not telling me not to have a good time. Or not to develop attachments to my friends. I always thought he was telling me that this is all part of it. It's how you know that you really care. That there was something pure and good in the experience or the relationship. And that something or someone has meaning in your life.

Daddy said the same thing to me today...

I have had a wonderful year. And I love her to pieces.

and my child has left home.

pandering to special needs

i watched her speech the other night. she said that parents of special needs kids would have a friend in the white house if her ticket were elected.

and I thought about that...

and i resented her implying that after being the mother of a special needs child for five months or so she knows what my life is like and can relate. Let's talk again when you have been the mother of a special needs child for nine plus years.

And then I watched this...

blechk!

i too am a woman of faith. i also believe my children are gifts from God and i am privileged to be entrusted with their lives and up bringing.

However, I have never for a nano-second considered Sam's challenges and disabilities to be a blessing of any sort. I would not trade her for anything. And I would like to believe there is some purpose to her differences, but given a choice, i would take her without the challenges over what she now faces any day.

I would also like to believe that divine intervention brought her to us because we are equipped to provide what she needs. In our home, that is mostly true. but i know for fact this intentional divine placement is not true for millions of special needs kids. they are born into all kinds of families. they are abandoned, incarcerated and institutionalized.

so i guess, at this point in the game, i would have to say I'm just not buying what you are selling.

A Day At the Lake

This is the before picture.
There is no after picture.

So let me tell you ALL about it.

Family day at the lake. All six of us (including au pair extraordinaire). Add Boat, Extra Large Bum Buster. Shake and Stir.
Savvy and Au Pair take a spin. It looks FUN!
Momma talks Smith into taking a spin.
Smith agrees.
Smith has fun.
Momma has fun.
They laugh.
They wave.
Daddy drives too fast.
Daddy crosses wake of other boat
Momma and Smith bounce.
They bounce A LOT.
They bounce out of the Bum Buster and skim across the surface of the lake like a rock skipping on a pond.
Momma had the presence of mind to grab Smith from behind and hold him close to her chest whilst skipping across lake.
When skipping ceases, Mom and Smith are found bobbing in lake - miles from any shore.
Smith would be the one screaming bloody murder.
Momma would be the one laughing like a lunatic, trying to convince Smith that this was FUN.
Momma turns Smith around in the water to face her.
Smith glares at Momma with a look that indicates that he had NO IDEA WHATSOEVER that coming out of the Bum Buster was even a remote possibility.
Smith was returned to the boat.
Momma was dragged onto the boat.

For the rest of the day, Smith told everyone that the next time we go to the lake, he is going to Mema's house.

Roll Call, Day Two

Yesterday was the 2ND day of the '08-'09 school year.

Thus far this year...

2 Doctor appointments

1 ear infection

1 nose bleed in class

1 with lice

3 kids that wake in the morning tell me how much they hate school

6 lunches packed

$50 in milk money sent

$200+ spent on prescriptions

Today we get the stuff for the cookie dough and wrapping paper fund raiser. F.U.N.

The first day of school is far and away my most favorite day of the year.
apparently, it goes downhill from there.

it's the little things that get ya...

Here's my latest rub...

In buying school supplies for the kids from the list prepared by their schools, there is always one item I cannot find. Last year it was that stupid 12X18 manila paper....

This year, it's complicated.

My son will be in Pre-K. He requires a 3-Ring Binder. Sounds easy enough. Sure.
I want him to have a cool one. You know - Batman, Spiderman, Cars, Power Rangers or dinosaurs.

I got Savvy a Camp Rock one. And you can find those at road side produce stands. But can you find a cool 3-ring binder for a boy?
Heck, No!

I have been to Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreen's, Ton Thumb, Kroger's - nothing. All I find are Hannah Montana, High School Musical, cute little puppies, more Camp Rock, the Jonas Brothers and pink ones with polka dots.

I swear to you - not a single one for a hip little boy unless you get plain blue. (and that ain't so hip.)

I have been looking for three weeks. I kid you not!

I know it's stupid. My son is not even aware of my quest for the holy 3-ring binder. And he would likely be happy with a plain blue one. Which is probably what he is going to get...

Such is the misery of an over achieving mother with misplaced priorities...

How Do You Spell

F.E.A.R.L.E.S.S???

At our house, we spell it

S.A.V.V.Y

seriously had to write this down

Every once in a blue moon do I have an experience or hear something that just MUST be blogged. This is one of those...

At my hubby's new job he works with a man from Liberia. It has been interesting to see Americans through his eyes.

During orientation my hubby was sitting by him and probably to some extent goaded him on....

The speaker was explaining the company's wellness program. After a few statements, Ahbed raised his hand. He says, "You mean to tell me that you are going to pay people to eat right and exercise?"
the response, "Yes."
Ahbed, "That's crazy. You should eat right and exercise because you want to be healthy."

He went on to ask if the company had told the employees at the light rail shop about this plan because "there are some seriously fat people over there."

One day at lunch we realized how carelessly Americans use the English language. Someone on their team made the comment "I'm starving."
This really set Ahbed off...
"You people do not know starving. In my country, Starving IS Starving."

I love that.
No wonder people see Americans as fat and lazy....

chew on that a while.

The Problem with Blogging...

At least for me - is if you take a sabbatical or go on a WalkAbout it is very hard to come back into the blogging fold.
I feel an obligation to 'splain my absence as well as catch you up on the happenings in my life.

so here goes the Catch Up Entry....

• Bon Jovi concert was excellent - GREAT seats!
• The right guy won American Idol - Serious Mrs. Robinson fantasy running through my mind.
• Have a new litter of kittens. Now trying to keep the kids from killing them
• Kids are out of school - Sam is already in MS with Grandparents and currently en route to Disney World with her Grandmother and baby sitter.
• The grass needs mowing
• I had shoulder surgery three weeks ago today and my whole d*mn arm still hurts.
• My Mom came and took care of me. I love her anew!
• Had something good happen for me at work - not adding details - but made the last few HORRID months of work seem not so horrid.
• Had something bad happen at work - some long time colleagues were laid off last week. Always sucks.
• Relisting our house on Monday to sell so that we can move closer to Dallas (and Sam's school)
• Have done TONS of work on our place - almost too nice to leave now.
• Monthly gas cost are in excess of $850. Must move closer to town...
• The house that we really like for moving into is on the same street as a registered sex offender.
• Would you move there? Does it matter what the sex crime was - hubby seems to think it does.
• I do not feel any remorse for my opinion that all sex offenders are vile evil creatures.
• My husband was fired for apparently no good reason.
• Was unemployed for almost two months. I work from home. We spent a lot of time together.
• I discovered I am not looking forward to retirement.
• He is now gainfully employed at a job he REALLY wanted with outstanding benefits.
• For the first time ever, there were measurable improvements for Sam in her end of year testing.
• Shortly after my surgery Sam ate 40 cherries, pits and all. Cherry pits are toxic. Hubby and Grandmother took her to the ER. Cherry pits are only toxic if they are pulverized. She is fine.
• Savvy and Smith came down with Strep within five days of my surgery.
• I had to go to the ER twice after surgery - without going into detail - I will say that no one reminded me pre-surgery that taking narcotics for several days will, er, um - stop up the plumbing.
• Au pair leaves in September (Sob!) trying to figure out if we can actually afford another one. (hubby took measurable pay cut with new dream job)
• Have read about 12 books already this summer. James Patterson (trying to catch up on all the Alex Cross series) and Anita Shreve top my favorites.
• Saw the latest Indiana Jones film. I enjoyed it primarily for the nostaglia of it. If I had never seen the other three (as a kid) I prolly would not have liked this one very much...
• Au Pair's parents came over for a visit and we had a fabulous time with them.

Okay - I am out. That's it. I (you) are pretty caught up now.

We can now return to regular programming.

parenting tip #568

never EVER hold a funeral for a kitten for the benefit of 9 and 7 year old girls.
particularly when the 9 year old is special needs and the 7 year old is a drama queen of epic proportions.

don't do it.

it ain't pretty.

it took an over sized bottle of red wine for me to recuperate...

RIP sweet Callie.

it's official - America is tone deaf

i know - don't start on me - i should get a life.
get out more
write about something socially relevant
or mildly entertaining even.

but get this people - i don't get out.
i am not getting a life anytime soon.
and i am DONE with the american idol voting public.

I was down right shocked when Michael Johns was cut two weeks ago. He was a shoe-in for at least the top four. He has real talent. I will be one of the first to buy his CD. but I never personally voted for him. so I had no one to blame but myself.

last night really PISSED me off.
The top two performers of the week in the bottom two.

seriously people - what is this? senior superlatives all over again? This popularity contest masquerading as a talent competition has got me in a complete tizzy (or couldn't you tell?)

and how does yawning on camera or crying every week and flubbing your lyrics make you more popular than people that can sing AND perform! Who is this fan base voting for such nonsense?

sincerely, i like all the top six contestants. They are all likable. All are talented to some degree. But as far as who performed the best on Tuesday night versus who was in the bottom two on Wednesday night -
SERIOUS DISCONNECT here people.

And I did vote for Carly. for the last several weeks. many times.
Therefore I have earned the right to bitch, sulk and complain.

This is me.
Bitching.
Sulking.
and Complaining.


on another note and perhaps contributing to my sullen mood...
after my PC got a virus, I did. Sinus infection leading to an ear ache.

I have not had an ear ache in 25 years at least.
Fluid behind the eardrum - can't hear well kinda junk. 10 days of antibiotics and three weeks later - my hearing is still not back to normal.

and let me just say this - PMS ain't got nothing on ear aches for cranky, irritable, bad moods. I have hardly been able to tolerate myself.

and I was starting to feel better - until last night.
back to bitchy...

public service anouncement

If you get an IM from a coworker that you rarely - if ever - IM with and the content says something like this "WOW! Is this really you?" followed by a geocities link

DO!NOT!CLICK!ON!THAT!LINK!

And when I say Trust Me On This - I mean TRUST ME ON THIS DAMMIT!

I have been infected. First time ever...

on a MUCHO GRANDE scale with the msn.com variety of the Vundo Trojan thingamagig.

McAfee cannot fix it - not the last time I talked to my internal IT helpdesk anyway.

I love you all - but I do not want to talk about it.

girlfriends...

I have been walking around since I got back from Houston yesterday patting myself on the back.

Seriously. As if I did something spectacular...

I am so proud of myself for having such unbelievable girlfriends.
I mean I am good. DAMN good at choosing top-notch, high quality, genuine, could-not-do-better-if-i-custom-ordered GF's. I have written about girlfriends before. I am just in awe of how meaningful these relationships can be!
(Read this - it's old and I promise 90% of you have never seen it.)


My friend T in Houston has a beautiful home and is a wonderful hostess. She heated up the pool and hot tub for us. (I have to quit typing every few seconds to scratch the sun burn on my back...)

My friend R lives here in Dallas - though we rarely get to see each other - we drove down and back together. It's the shortest four hour drive EVER when we travel it together.

Our friend S lives in Toronto and she flew in for the occasion. I am so flattered that she would go to all that trouble to be with us.

We have all worked together at the same company over the past twelve years and have a lot of the same business associates. Common experiences. Have traveled together - as a group and in pairs - on endless business trips and conventions.
Oh, the war stories we tell...
And those that we don't. (grin)

The really cool thing - to me - is that professionally - these women have all at one time or another acted as a mentor to me. Sometimes unknowingly. But all are phenomenally talented, composed and SUCCESSFUL in their jobs. I have observed them in action over the years and taken so much from them that has added to my own professional accomplishments.

the bonus - not only are they exceptional professionally - they are outstanding women on a personal level as well. compassionate, witty, fun-loving, passionate, accepting and so on and so forth...

Please, someone, tell me - how does it get any better than that?

so anyway - i am pretty button-popping pleased with myself today.
I did a damn fine job of picking out my girlfriends!

on a more humble note - I am most grateful they chose me too. I aspire to add as much to their lives as they do to mine!

briefly...

being 40 ain't near as bad as I thought it would be

It's snowing at my house for the second time this week

i am addicted - ADDICTED - A.D.D.I.C.T.E.D to American Idol - it is the highlight of my week.

I hate getting up every morning because I am so very unhappy with my work. (I am being as politically correct here as I can on the off chance that someone from my work reads this...)

I work with some really wonderful people and few grumpy old farts that pretty much spoil it for the rest of us.

i am sick to death of working from home and spending 20 hours of every day in the same room. i feel like a cave woman. Especially since the hubby unscrewed all the can lights except the one over my desk to save money.

Going to spend the weekend in Houston with three beautiful, exciting, intelligent, fun loving girlfriends that I don't see near often enough!

we are taking salsa lessons Saturday night.

Oh, and how about this NONrecession we are in. nothing like paying $3+ for a gallon of gas and $5 for a gallon of milk.

having surgery at the end of the month to have my rotater cuff (shoulder thingie) repaired. I have heard it is very painful. I am really looking forward to that. NOT!

A dear childhood friend has a recurrence of cancer. it appears to be serious.

and the beat goes on...
Peace.
Out.

absoutely nothing profound to say...

Yesterday was the big day. turned 40 and all that jazz.
The sky did not turn purple and rain down Ben Gay and support hose...

I got to sleep in - sort of. My parents have this God awful tradition of calling me on my birthday at the crack of dawn. It goes something like this...
"Happy Birthday Darling."
"MMMMFanks"
"Are you still in bed?"
"MMMHmmm"
"Well you woke us up a lot earlier than this (insert current age here) years ago."

I don't know why I thought this year would be different.
It wasn't.

So while I did not get to sleep late - I got to lounge around in bed undisturbed longer than usual because the au pair got up early and taped the kids to the floor.
At least that's what I think she did because they have NEVER in their entire lives been that quiet between 6 and 8 AM.

The night before, hubby and I caught an early movie - Vantage Point (4 out of 5 stars) then went to dinner at a wonderful local Italian place I have always wanted to go to. Au Pair gave me a gift cert for dinner. (she sooooo rocks.) It was early when dinner was out - so we went to see another movie. Jumper (3 stars).
So it was a late night.
And a fun one.

So after lolling about for awhile in bed trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, I finally sent for the kids. They ran in and climbed all over me in bed. And while I love the affection I am always amazed at how painful a bony elbow can be in breast tissue. Those mammograms ain't got nothing on my kids' elbows.

Savvy had planned games. So we played Pin The Tail on The Donkey - she drew a picture of a donkey, taped it to the wall, had a ribbon with tape and a blindfold. It was a riot.

Then we had a scavenger hunt and lounged around and watched Hairspray.

The au pair had planned lunch and baked a cake so I had very little to do as far as food prep. T'was lovely.

And in the afternoon - hubby helped me clean out my last flower bed of dead junk and leaves.
AWESOME GIFT of time and labor!

Wasn't it thoughtful of them to schedule the Oscars in honor of my birthday. I was really touched by that show of affection from the Academy of Motion Pictures.

And did I mention that I got Bon Jovi tickets? In the section right beside the stage.
Can you say REACH OUT AND TOUCH???

so um, yeah - you're going to hear about the Bon Jovi concert from now till April 12. And maybe a few days after that whilst I come down from my Jon Bon Jovi high.

hate it for ya...