I'm Not Rapunzel and There is No Prince Charming

And while I'm at it - there's no Fairy Godmother either...

I think that would make a great title for a book. Maybe one day.

Anyhow, I go to get my son out of his crib this morning - just about my most favorite thing to do all day long. NO ONE is happier to see me than he is when I release him from his overnight jail. I grab him, hug him and place him upon the changing table for clean bottoms. This is our routine. When refreshed, I stand him up in front of me. We are nose to nose. He invariably reaches out - wraps his stubby little arms around my neck and places his head on my shoulder. When I'm really lucky, he works in a slobbery open-mouthed kiss. In this moment all is well with the world.

Then we are off to start our day. It occurred to me this morning that the Nurture Vs. Nature argument is null and void at our house. Boys and girls are different. They get here that way. My son's first word (other than Moma) was "Car." Both of my girls - theirs was "Popa." Which furthers my argument - with boys, it's Things and with girls, it's People, most often men.

Boys are given cars and trucks and pretend tool sets to Fix Things.
Girls - dolls and cribs and makeup to Fix-Up.

The only reason this concerns me is because recently I have been reminded of what a rude awakening it was for me - after a childhood of fairy tales and fantasy - to come to the realization that fairy tales really don't come true. Every night we read to our kids at bedtime. My four year old daughter's favorite book is a compilation of princess stories from the creative minds at Disney. We read exciting and romantic stories of Princess Aurora (aka Sleeping Beauty), Cinderella, Belle and Ariel. And to be completely honest - I think I enjoy these stories as much as she does. The difference is that I know how the real story ends. And exactly how do you prepare a four year old for the ending that will be her life one day.

I remember reading somewhere - years ago - about the damage fairy tales do to little girls. How it causes false expectations for life. Blah, blah, blah and so forth and so on... And while I would like to completely discount this theory, I have seen it at play - on a certain level - in my own life.

So do I stop reading and telling fairy tales to my daughters? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It's a rite of passage for all little girls. However, instead of ending the tale with "And they lived Happily Ever After..." I have changed it a bit. Now the story ends with some variation of "And they worked very hard every day to be content and live a good life together."

So not only have I had to deal with the fairy tale factor in my life and subsequently determine how to manage it in raising my daughters, I also have had to navigate the backlash of the feminine movement I was raised under. The message I got growing up was "You, Young Lady, Can Have It All!" Husband, Kids, Career, Home, the Jr. League - ALL of it. Wow! You're kidding right? I can have it all??? I don't have to give up my job to have kids. I can take care of a home and still be treasurer of the Jr. League? That's fantastic!

There is a caveat I have come to realize the hard way. Certainly women today can have it all - you just can't have it all at the same time... And if you try to have it and do it all at once - odds are you are not going to do any of it very well. Ask me how I know.

So here I sit. Trying my darndest to figure out how to raise healthy, adjusted, HAPPY kids with realistic expectations for their lives. While at the same time trying to discern what is realistic for mine. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm not Rapunzel and there is no Prince Charming...