cautious optimism

i have no business being here.
more to do than i can tell you.

i hate to leave you hanging. plus, you guys have been so awesome. i tried on two different occasions to respond to your comments on my last entry. once i wrote a personal note to each person - it got blown away. thanks blogger. another - more generic - got blown away too. Kiss my grits blogger!

so before the world - THANK YOU.
this blog is my sanctuary. and you make it so by your presence.

so to update you...

we went to the pediatric psychologist on friday. hubby, sam and i. he spent a lot of time talking to us. all of us. he listened. asked questions. allowed us to ask questions and then he punched me in the stomach.

figuratively.

he gave us his opinion. a preliminary diagnosis. told us he is about 75% sure this is what sam is dealing with. i almost sucked the air out of the room when he said it out loud. would have sobbed if sam had not been with us. saw hubby's eyes redden too.

here's where you will have to forgive me. i am not going to put his preliminary diagnosis here. not yet. not till we have more of a confirmation. not till we have absorbed it ourselves. i trust you understand and accept my decision on this.

we've told very limited people so far. what if he's wrong and our daughter is forever 'labeled' with this diagnosis?

and what if he's right?

we are going forward on the assumption that he is and have started a new medication. what he called a heavy duty medication. the potential and rare side effects can be serious and some are irreversible. he told us there are risk in treatment and there are risk in not treating.

and the irony is this - i feel relief. i picked up a book he recommended on the way home. been reading it. googled this diagnosis. and yep, she fits the profile. hubby and i agree on this.
no, i am not relieved to find my daughter (may) have this disorder.
but i feel relief in having a bit more information than we had last week. relief in having a potential path for treatment.
relief in having a doctor that seems to understand where we are coming from and has treated similar children successfully. (i asked - oh yes i did!)

cautious optimism.
this is our current location.