sick to death of being sick and sore...

Or How To Lose 8 Pounds In A Week Without Really Trying


Today marks a week for this current illness.
As I said earlier, woke up Thursday morning thinking I had gotten bad food the night before.
Was still sick and in considerable pain by the time I drove myOWNself to the ER at 11AM on Saturday.

I am going to try and do the short version here so pay close attention...

I figured i had an ulcer
or it was all in my head
again
as it was back in March

After settling into the ER , they took me for a sonogram of my gut. The technician asks nonchalantly - while pushing & prodding on my sore gut - if they found anything other than the gallstones back in March?

do what?

who has gall stones?

You do. It's in your report.

Oh. that report. The one i never got.

if i had known i had gall stones i would not have taken a bottle of Tums, Maalox, Mylanta and popped several Lortabs from my root canal to try and stop the pain. I WOULD HAVE GONE AND SEEN A DOCTOR TWO DAYS AGO!

This alone should have been enough to tell me to get the hell out of that hospital.

but shortly after this, i was diagnosed with pancreatitis caused by a gall stone (i did not know i had) dropping down and blocking a common duct of the gall bladder and pancreas. And since gunk could not exit the pancreas, it caused something called auto-digestion. In effect, my pancreas was eating itself.

lovely, huh?
thus the pain.

so he tells me they are not releasing me and that i will have surgery to remove my gall bladder either today (saturday) or tomorrow(Sunday). that was around 1PM-ish.

I didn't really have time to get too alarmed about it b/c the nurse popped in with a healthy dose of morphine. Holy crap - no wonder ppl get addicted to that stuff.

Finally. Bliss. No Pain. Nice little high. Who cares we're having surgery...

i did not come back to my senses until they were rolling me into a hospital room and they referred to it as "semi-private."

again, s'cuse me?

I'll take a private room please. I pay a premium for my private health-care and i plan to use it to it's fullest.

There are no private rooms available.

And i know how this is going to sound to some people and i am sorry if i come across as sounding 'entitled' but quite frankly - i did not know semi-private rooms still existed.
The last time i had a 'room-mate' was college. I was not in pain and sick.

The room was currently empty. Two beds. so i got the one closest the door. Then they proceed to tell me that IF i get a roommate, my hubby will not be able to stay the night with me. That's illegal.

We have a family rule - when any family member stays overnight in the hospital - someone stays with them. And now you are telling me that my family rule is illegal if you give me a roommate?

And still there is more. I may be drugged - but i was still thinking...
Can you put me in a semi-private room and charge/bill me for a private one?
Doesn't work that way.
okay, so if i don't get a roomie, then my husband can sleep in the other bed?
Nope.
so where will he sleep.
nurse points at hard wooden chair by my bed - the only padding on the seat.
no cot? no recliner? no rocker? this is it?!
That's all we got she tells us.

you have got to be kidding me.

I should have unplugged my IV right then and walked, but still i stayed. Morphine had me firmly in it's grips.

So we waited.
for the surgeon.
to call
or show up
to find out when surgery would be
hubby could not get dinner at the hospital - their food service was closed.
nor could he run home (25 minutes away) and clean up and grab a bite to eat.

after seven hours of waiting i was SERIOUSLY considering leaving AMA.
We have lives too. families to update. kids to make arrangements for.
Two words come to mind - COMMON COURTESY.

then a nurse tells me that the surgeon legally has 24 hours to respond to the page. Did you know that?
so I asked her to page him.
an hour later we find out he is on his way to the hospital.
so 8.5 hours after i am told i will be having surgery - i finally meet the surgeon.

he splains the details. and that IT will take place tomorrow on Sunday somewhere around 10AM - 12PM. as he has a few other procedures scheduled b4 mine.

Family rule be damned - i send hubby home for the night. He had played with the remote control since we got into the room. I was sick of the clicking. I was sick of listening to NASCAR, Drag Racing, Wrestling, Boxing and all other shows that reek of testosterone.

Surgeon had told me he'd leave orders for a sleeping pill and continued pain management and i should get a good night's rest b4 the surgery.
Cool.
sleep.

after an hour, i buzz the nurse asking about my sleeping pill. she says there are no orders for a sleeping pill. i ask ever so sweetly if she will page the Dr as he obviously forgot to write it down.

Midnight, i get a sleeping pill.

and for the next 6 hours straight, my IV pump beeped - like an alarm clock every thirty minutes. Had to call the nurse. to shut the :*@!$)%5E$ thing off. Finally, after three hours or so of this, she tells me that it is beeping b/c I keep bending my arm where the IV is inserted into my body.
Sheez, lady - tell me that THREE hours ago! Would have made things a lot easier for BOTH of us.
Finally fell asleep. for maybe two hours...
Then i was awakened by a headache. Small pin prick of a headache. By the time hubby got there around 10AM, it was trainroaring monster of a pain between my eyes. Had tried an ice pack. Nurse 'juiced' my pain medicine, that only gave me a 'sick' headache. Finally another aide or angel or someone gave me 2 oz of water and a 500MG Tylenol. It took an hour to work and it only worked for like 10 minutes. Then back came the whistle stop in my head.

the headache nightmare continued till they came to take me to surgery around lunch time. I had to keep wash clothes over my eyes from the room to pre-op b/c the lights hurt so bad. I must have been a sight wheeling around like that. NOT THAT I CARE.

Did not quit hurting until the anesthesiologist started juicing me for the surgery. Ahhhh. finally. sweeet rreeellliieefff.

Then woke up from surgery and Sweet Jesus, Somebody Help Me!
NOBODY told me that the referral pain spot for the gall bladder was the right shoulder. That's where my torn tendon rotator cuff thingie is. and my Right Shoulder was on FIRE.

Apparently the gas they fill you up with so they can do the procedure laproscopic also goes to this area.
FIRE.
OUCH.
PAIN
HURT
SHOULDER.
NO!
I clearly remember saying these words over and over to the recovery nurse. I remember her finally telling me to "hush." Treating me and looking at me like I was a big baby.

The floor nurse had told me very clearly before I went down for the procedure that i needed to have my pain well under control before i left post-op. She explained to me that they could juice my meds ever ten minutes or so as needed down there but up on the floor, they could only give me pain meds every 2-4 hours.

Apparently the recovery nurse wasn't aware of this advice. Or had somewhere important to be after the last procedure on a Sunday afternoon.

SOMEONE DO SOMETHING BEFORE MY SHOULDER EXPLODES!

and then i remember her rolling my bed back to my room, having a hard time getting it to fit along side the bed already there and then pulling and pushing me from one bed to the other. Drugs and all - I clearly remember this part.

No one told hubby I was back in my room. He just found me there after a while.

And this is where he redeemed himself for not driving me to the hospital and for driving me batty with the remote the first 8 hours i was there. He made certain they gave me my pain meds every two hours - whether I needed them or not. I didn't come out of the surgery pain stupor until about 9PM Sunday night. And even then, I still felt like a hit and run victim.

We finally got home the next day. The night nurse tried to kick us out at 5:00AM telling us where the all night pharmacy was located. We left around 9 or 10. Bought every popsicle between the hospital and home.

And i then got into my own bed.
Ahhhhhh.
Felt 10 times better instantly.

LET IT BE KNOWN:
IF YOU HAVE LAPROSCOPIC SURGERY:
The WORST part of the whole damn thing is that they cannot get all the gas out of you - that they shoot in - so they will have room to work on your guts - when the surgery is over. This gas is in your body cavity. You cannot burp it out. You cannot toot it out. YOUR BODY HAS TO ABSORB IT. And apparently i got the non-absorpant variety. OMG, these gas bubbles STILL hurt me a week later. the gas gets in your joints and you pop and creak every time you move.

Going to the bathroom sounds like breakfast cereal - Snap, Crackle and Pop joining in.
And shall we talk about exquisite pain when these bubbles jiggled a part of you that had been cut and sewn on. I have had three kids people. Tubal after the last one.
This was NOTHING LIKE THAT. THIS SHIT HURT.

I can say with all certainty that this experience definitely rules out the tummy tuck I was planning. Will invest in SPANX instead.

Better now.

I completely understand why my shoulder Ortho Doc would not operate on my R shoulder until i got my back pain straightened out. He said, "I don't want you laid up from surgery when your back is in that shape."

I concur. My back almost killed me this week. Had to set my heating pad to BROIL to numb the pain. a day after the surgery, i hurt more in my back and shoulder than i EVER did in my gut.
Ain't life fun?!
And to think, the ER doc AND my dentist told me this week i have a high tolerance for pain. Me? Really? Who'd of thunk it?

And that is the short version...