under the heading - it's never EVER dull

My Mom is going to have an absolute stroke when she reads this.
"You don't have to tell everything you know." "Always Upgrade" - she tells me when I have a potty mouth. I can hear the speech already...

And if you have a weak constitution, you may not appreciate the humor in this either.
So if that is you, consider yourself warned. Leave now. I am quite serious, not being polite...

It never ceases to amaze me the stark honesty my children exhibit.
It never ceases to amaze me how inquisitive my children can be.
It never ceases to amaze me how much they can embarrass me.
and I DO NOT embarrass easily.
So when the three are combined - natural inquisitiveness + brutal honesty => leading to deep embarrassment, it takes me days to recover my equilibrium. So let it be noted, I am off kilter for at least two more days.

And you should know - that the only reason I can even discuss this in a public forum is due to the way my Mom raised me - and apparently this 'raising' is spilling over to my children. You'll get that part later.

But growing up - there was never a question we (my brothers and I) could not ask. Anything to do with the human body, bodily functions, sex, animal husbandry, politics - you name it - absolutely anything was fair game. And I always thought that was so cool and ultra-modern of my parents. To this day, I can discuss just about anything with anyone and not be phased. But every now and then, as was the case today, I get a sneak attack...

Today, I took my six year old daughter to the movies. 12:20 showing on a holiday. PACKED theater. When the movie was out, and my bladder was about to explode, Sam and I made a mad dash for the ladies room. 20+ stalls. a line to get in. it was full, full, full - you get the picture...

So we luck out and get the handicapped stall. Enuf room for the both of us. I get to 'go' first. So I do. I rise, step aside, proceed to zip and button and out of nowhere she looks down into the bowl, looks up at me with complete horror on her face - in that same WHISPERED voice they (my children) use that reverberates from every corner of the sanctuary at church when they exclaim "I GOTTA GO PEEEEEE!" proclaims...

wait for it...

"MOMMY YOUR HEINY IS BLEEDING!!!!!!"

I give her my absolute very best SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DO NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD look. had to have been my Very Best SYMADNSAW look because she did not utter another sound. That's NEVER happened.

I flush, take her by the hand, eyes to the floor, head down, walk/run out, her feet not touching the floor and I do not look at a living soul until I get to WalMart - where I FIRST go to the bathroom to wash my hands...

sorry Mom.
had to be told...