Texas Housewives Meeting - Don't Be Late

i got this picture in an email from a dear friend of mine. she knew how much i would enjoy it.

and i did enjoy it. so much so, i had to share it with you.

i grew up with guns and weapons and hunting and camouflage boxer shorts (not mine). i also grew up with a father that taught and demonstrated complete and uncompromising respect for the weapons and their potential power.

for my family, having a gun in the house is like having groceries in the pantry. one of my brothers has an extensive collection of guns and knives. and he is one of the most gentle souls i know.

he's a boy. it's his thing. big deal.

i am always just a bit amused by my international friends/colleagues amazement (shock!) when they find out that i am gun owner. that i know how to use one. and that we keep several in our home (locked and secured in a heavy duty gun safe.)

this is particularly amusing with folks that know me, have formed an opinion as to my character, education and intelligence. i am almost certain i blow away all their stereotypes of gun owners.

and no, i am not a member of the NRA. nor is anyone that lives in my house. the NRA give all gun owners a bad name and the only people that benefit from their political clout are thugs. (you knew there'd be an opinion in here somewhere...)

so the other day, a large dog was wondering our yard. a neighbor has moved and simply left his dog out here in the countryside to pretty much fend for itself. this is a LARGE male dog. one that i deem an immediate threat to my children when they play outside. an obvious threat to the dead kitten i found on my front porch last week.

i ask the hubby to get the gun and fire a warning shot to scare the animal away. he tells me that all his guns are packed and have been sent to storage.

"ALL of them?!"

"Yep. All of them."

"You mean we have NO guns in the house?!"

"Nope, no guns here."

suddenly i feel nekkid...

husband is immediately charged with the responsibility of borrowing a gun from the neighbor until we move.

can't go 'round nekkid with kitten killers on the prowl.

sibling rivalry sucks

no matter how old you are

you have got to be kidding me

i don't usually do this here. in fact, i have been instructed to NOT blog about my hubby in the event that he ever decides to run for public office one day. uh, yeah. right.

but he started it. you be the judge - tell me if i am over reacting here.

last night as i crawl into bed, he tells me he has a new ring tone on his new cell phone specifically for me (when i phone him). so i pick up the house phone and call his cell. it rings - a normal ring.

he says, "No, call me from your cell phone"

so i did.

and you know what ring tone he assigned to my cell phone number -

"I like Big Butts and I can not lie..."

do not laugh!
at least not where i can hear you.

i was so beyond pissed. i don't even recall what i said to him.
i do know he ended up sleeping on the couch and did not say good bye to me this morning.

any thoughts???
*************************************************************************
RETRACTION:
After an entire night and day of being really pissed at the hubby, he came home last night and in the course of our heated conversation revealed that the above mentioned ring tone was used for ALL incoming calls (except the house phone).

OHHHHHH!!!! we both say in unison. so he's off the hook.

and i will remove this post in about 24 hours - just wanted to set the record straight before i did.

*****************************************************************
POST POST RETRACTION:
Hubby came home from work yesterday and had me call his cell phone from my cell phone.
and what did it play? Just for me?
Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. my self professed life long theme song.

i do believe he is out of the woods now...

meet Norma

this is Norma.

and her brand new TWIN babies.

(in my back yard)

we have been waiting on these boogers for at least two weeks now - just certain Norma was going to 'drop her calf' any day. imagine our surprise when she dropped TWO of them.

our neighbors cows graze our land. so technically, we have cow pastures around 3/4 of our home. so for the past two weeks, every time i went outside or drove away from the house, i'm like "where's Norma? has she had that baby yet? Nope, there she is - 8 ft long and 8 ft wide."

and yesterday, driving home from the Dr. - passing my neighbor's house, my neighbor, M, almost threw herself in front of my van to get my attention to stop. so i stopped, backed up and M tells me "Norma had her baby! TWINS!"

I gotta tell ya folks - that's pretty exciting around these parts.

Norma ain't just any cow. M raised her from a baby - abandoned on the side of the road - no nearby farmers one would claim her. So for M, that meant bottles every 4-6 hours for weeks/months. Norma is more like a child around here. ALL of M's cows (and Bull) have names. Norma's the only one I can identify and remember all the time. She is so tame and people friendly, she let me walk right up on her and her babies to take all kinds of pictures today.

This is Cody - he was jealous Norma was getting all the attention...

Camera Hog!

So congratulations Norma.

Ya done good!

I'm gonna miss days like this - when we move back to the city...

i feel a rant coming on...

and i fear it's going to be a good one.

(and for the record - this has absolutely nothing at all whatsoever to do with my spouse. he has never even once been guilty of the following in my presence.)

it was either something i read on another blog, heard in a movie, saw in a magazine. i cannot remember. (which really annoys me) but it has had me stewing for a few days now.

but if there is one statement/mentality that really chaps my you-know-what, it's this...

"man, she really let herself go after getting married and having kids."

usually followed by other such heinous comments, as

"yeah, she used to be really hot."
"what a shame/waste"

it makes me want to absolutely scream and pull their testicles off.

and i can only speak from my experience. but here's how i see it...

yeah, well i was hot once too. before i was married. before i had kids.
when i worked nights and could spend 2 hours a day in the gym.
i was one RED hot smoking momma - by anyone's standards.

the problem with that, you see, is that my body does not have a tendency towards naturally SLIM or an ATHLETIC disposition.
to be smoking hot - i had to work my you-know-what off for it.
i had to starve. and i LOVED it.
at that time in my life. hey, all i had to worry about was me, me, me.
and i was exceptional at it.

and while i do not hold my marriage and children responsible for the decline of my physical condition, they sure as hell didn't help.

i got married.
i quit smoking - which i still miss some days.
i got a real job. days. no more nights.
40 hours a week and then some.
this man expected me to cook hot meals for him.
do my laundry AND his.
keep the house clean.
mow the yard.

sure, i can bring home the bacon.
fry it up in a pan.
and then some.

but so much for me me me...

but what i have found over the years, is this:
i can take care of my home, my spouse, my kids, my job, the yard, shopping, homework, school plays, holidays, car pool, and the tooth fairy.
and after all that, i come last.
it's not a conscious decision i made.
to put moi at the bottom of the To Do List.
it's not a decision that was forced upon me by anyone.
but it happened.

so my naturally not slim body - while it has carried me through - bears witness to the three children i carried in it. to the three babies i nursed. to all the hot, home cooked meals i prepared. to the fast food bought when i was too wiped to cook. to the nights when i was too beat to move, much less exercise.

and hell no, i ain't getting up early to exercise. my youngest is three and I JUST NOW for the first time in 8 plus years get to sleep all night, most nights. at this rate, i'll still be sleep deprived in 2009.

so to those self-absorbed, misguided men out there who still have their testicles, i say this -

if that woman gave birth to your children, cooks meals for you, makes your dentist appointments, phones in your blood pressure refills, sends christmas cards every year to friends and all of your family - even the ones you can't remember their names - then she hasn't "let herself go" - you fool.


she simply let go of herself.
and one day she is going to find that self.
and you'll be lucky if your sorry butt ain't kicked to the curb in the process.

okay.
now i feel better.

Post Note:

Big Pissy sent me this Link to another recent article on this very topic. as she put it, it is an exceptional "companion piece" to my rant.

one down one to go

so i survived the first night of racing.

sometime before the race, my pa-in-law says to me -
"tcole, it's been like 2 or 3 years since you've been out here."

i smiled, nodded and thought to myself...
"ahhhh, yes, those (last two or three years) were the good old days..."

but you can't beat a race track for people watching.
no lack of entertainment there. woooweeee.

and food and booze. if you want to pay $6 for a plastic bottle of Miller Lite.
in college, we had two types of beer. Miller Lite and Free.
my, how times have changed...
beer snob that i am, you couldn't pay me $6 to drink a Miller Lite from a plastic bottle.
i'll take a Sam Adams, please. in a glass bottle or nice frosted pilsner glass.

my resistance was strong on the food and booze.
i am trying to keep the 12 pounds i lost with the gall bladder surgery at bay.
so i passed on the $4 snow cone.
the $8 pizza and the $6 nachos.

and then i saw it.
the $4 turtle cheesecake frozen and dipped in dark chocolate on a stick.
called a wedgee. (not kidding)

COME TO MOMMA!
resistance be damned...

yes, we are going back tonight.
and yes, I have my $4 tucked away for another slice of heaven on a stick.

this is going to get me in so much trouble...

but i must write about it anyway.

my family (in-laws) own 8 Personal Seat Licenses (PSLs) at Texas Motor Speedway (TMS).
two of these PSLs belong to hubby and me.
so we are obligated to buy two season tickets each year.
last year we sold the entire season - for all eight seats - on ebay.

this year, no such luck. not on ebay or craig's list. dammit. dammit. dammit.

so tonight, i am going to TMS to "enjoy" the NASCAR truck race with my hubby, pa-in-law and my two young children. maybe a brother-in-law and few young cousins sprinkled in as well.

neither of my two children have been to the races before. odds are at least one - maybe both of them - will HATE it.

it's an hour and a half drive one-way to the track.

and how do i feel about this upcoming family adventure?

i'd rather watch paint dry.
whilst having my toe nails pulled out slowly.
one by one.
and listening to Barney sing "I Love You"

and then we get to go back tomorrow night for more.

i can't stand having this much fun in one weekend.
it's killing me
really

embrace the mundane

mundane.

humdrum.

ordinary.

boring.

not words i would attach to my life over the past 8 months or so.

but last week was fabulously mundane.
deliciously humdrum
refreshingly ordinary
downright boring

and i loved every single unremarkable, forgettable minute of it.

a heartfelt thanks to my dear friend who read my last few entries and emailed me wishing me a mundane week.
it was just lovely.

here's wishing for another one...