Channeling Grandma

there are moments, days even, when I am certain I am channeling my Grandma. Today is one such day. Cleaning up and putting away - I find things I have stashed - school supplies, empty boxes, post cards, pictures and letters - tied together with faded ribbons and such. sooo Grandmother. and often times I find myself dropping a paper towel on the floor to mop up a spill, wiping with my foot and then leaving it on the floor for the next inevitable drip or drop. Grandma never had less than two paper towels "in-progress" on her worn wooden kitchen floor.

I am thinking of her a lot lately. I forgot her birthday last month. October 2. She doesn't mind. I do. It hurt my heart when I realized it had passed without me acknowledging it in some way. I should have called my Dad, at least. I do hope someone - likely my much more responsible cousin - took flowers to the cemetery.

February will be two years since we let her go. And it was time. to let go. I missed her before she left. I miss her now.

I was with her when she left. Holding her hand, whispering in her ear. I don't remember exactly what was said - I know I told her she was the best Grandmother in the world. I reminded her for the gazillonth time how much I loved her. "don't be scared" and something to the effect of "it's okay for you to go." My two cousins were on her other side. I heard one of them praying with her. She was at home amidst her things and people that loved her deeply. Grandma left us in the exact same spot where she gave birth to my Dad. there must be some significance to this but it escapes me...

I am going home in a few weeks and will visit her grave. When she was alive, it was so important for her to go to the cemetery for occasions - or to make sure all the family plots were in order.
it would please her for me to do the same.
and I will.