It's Never Dull: Out Late On A School Night

One of my favorite things about being a grown up is having the option of going out on a school night. When I was a kid - that was TABOO! Bed time was a mystic ritual not to be negotiated, tested or questioned. So to go out to dinner at a fine restaurant and be seen with one of the coolest friends I have on a Tuesday night is truly a guilty pleasure.

There is something almost magical about spending time with a friend that knows all your secrets - warts and all - and loves you anyway.

And in this magic, something occurred to me last night. Another friend recently asked me if I was proud of myself. This question has sent me spiraling through numerous hours of self-examination with the resulting answer most often being a disappointing "No."

However, last night I came up with a "YES" answer. I've been told that your friends represent the best in you or perhaps they mirror who or what you wish to be. Don't know if either of these theories are completely accurate - but if I am judged by the company I keep - my friends - then I am a pretty AWESOME person!

So there. Yes! I am hugely proud of the friends I have. My Dad has always told me that you will be able to count your real friends - in life - on one hand. My brother says you find out who your real friends are when you move or go to court. There's truth in all this.

But you also find out who your truest friends are when you have your second baby. She shows up and takes the Big Sister for the entire weekend. Takes her on Friday night - returns her Sunday night, bathed, fed and in her PJs - ready for bed.

True friends pack up all their belongings and move to Colorado with you simply because you tell them - "You have to do this! You are crazy if you don't go with me!" And they go. With you. And you have the time of your lives while living larger and surviving more than you ever bargained for in less than two years.

These same friends knew I was so homesick in Baltimore I could hardly catch my breath. They loaded up, drove 10 hours from Chicago one way - with barely $20 between them - to surprise ME at work, take a nap, join me for dinner and drinks, sleep - then drive the 10 hours back to work.

They love my kids - and I know beyond any doubt if anything happened and I weren't around to raise them - these friends would make certain the task was completed to MY standards. They also know I WILL come back and haunt them if anyone other than my immediate friends go through my personal effects after I am gone. I have made them swear to this - on more than one occasion - usually each year at my birthday dinner.

They keep my secrets. They entrust me with theirs. They laugh with me . They cry with me or even for me when my tears have dried up. My friends tell me I'm not crazy - which really does make a huge difference in my day to day.

There have been weddings. Divorces. Babies born and babies lost. We have buried parents, siblings and grandparents. I have welcomed new friends into this circle. Celebrations and sadness. We dance this dance together - my friends and I.

My bestest friends forgive me when I forget their birthday. And I do this oftener than I'd like to admit.

My friends showed up in force after Katrina. I got cards, calls and gifts of cash - with the instructions - "Use this for your family - however you see fit." From friends I see every day to those special people I haven't shared more than a Christmas card with for several years. They reached out from all around the country and even beyond to share my pain, heartache and loss.

I have friends from childhood - I have known since age four. Three friends in particular. One, her father lost his home in Pass Christian to Katrina. She rode the storm out 45 miles in-land at her mother's house with her divorced (some 30+ years) parents and swears she'll never stay for another one. Have to wonder if it was the storm or the divorced parents that brought her to this conclusion.

The second friend is the nurse (hero) I mentioned at the hospital in Gulfport on duty in the ER throughout Katrina while her young daughter was sent to safety two states away with family.

The third, a guidance counselor at a larger high school on the coast. Two weeks after Katrina, she was back at work - no students - but counting text books. Obviously not a great use of her education and expertise but she was thankful to have her home, her family and a place to go to work.

I can pick up the phone and talk to any one of these phenomenal women for hours - as if we left the dance recital just last night.

And then there is my bestest, dearest friend from high school and beyond. The hair. The makeup. the boys - and the one we fought over. Yes, I still remember exactly which one he was. the summer visits to Atlanta. more boys. no more fights - we learned the first time. trips to New Orleans, the beach, Canada, Nashville, Wal-Mart, dances in Seneca. more boys. broken hearts. mended souls. absolute unconditional acceptance. Me always trying to lose weight - her acting like she was trying to gain. Her as a part of my family. Me in hers.

When my first daughter was born, I called her and told her that the angels had brought me this beautiful, perfect creature and I was having a very hard time graciously accepting this gift from Heaven. I told her that I had done absolutely nothing in my entire life to deserve this child. And she should know. I was expecting her to console me and correct my misgivings. Her response - something I'll never forget - "You are absolutely right. You don't deserve that baby. That's God's Grace." When exactly did she get smarter than me???

Finally, there are my new best friends. Friends that make living out in the middle of this Texas Prairie tolerable - even enjoyable! My friend next door is the best sport ever - she lets me send my girls over to 'visit' and help feed up the animals. She picks up DD#1 at school on her way home from the office at least once a week. She mentors, encourages and mothers me. And I love it.

My other 'local' friend understands and shares my obsession with coupon and bargain shopping. No matter what store we go to - she KNOWS where the clearance aisle is and how to spot the best deals. A woman after my own heart. She trusts me with her personal pain and her triumphs. I am honored. We create crafts together and remind each other often what fabulous mothers we are and how every teacher would be lucky to have someone like us as their Room Mother. We have no shame... Did I forget to mention that my four year old daughter is in puppy-love with her five year old son?

So to Carla, Donna, Katy, Lolly, Lynn, Mary, Michelle, Mistie, Paula, Paulette, Sheri, Siun and Sonya - I am thankful, proud and honored to call you my friends. I aspire to be the kind of friend to you that you have been to me.