I am such a B - - - -!

That proclamation runs through my head this morning. almost proudly...

This morning, up and going to get DH and DD#1 off for their day. First and foremost, this involves packing their lunch. So off to the kitchen I go, bleary-eyed and dragging - as is the case most mornings. To the sink to wash DD#1's water bottle. Turn on the faucet and that hose thing - the nozzle you can pull out and rinse and spray with - aimed directly at me - begins to shower me. continues to shower me. my reaction is slow - it's early. regain my senses and instead of reaching over and turning off the water, I place my hand over the sprayer - which only serves to give the output a larger radius of execution. once my face is wet, my brain works and I turn off the whole D*** thing.

And then a flash - a vague memory flickers through my recently awakened brain. Last night cleaning up after dinner, DH is rinsing dishes. I remember hearing him mutter to himself that the sprayer won't go off. It does stick in the ON position sometimes and he often harasses me b/c I can't use my thumb to tweak this way or that - to make it go OFF. I went on with my business assuming he would figure it out and turn it OFF.

You know what they say about assuming...

So off I march, soaking wet, DRIPPING to the rear of the residence to explain to DH if the nozzle was stuck ON last night when he put it up - it will be stuck ON this morning when I turn the D*** thing ON!

Oh, and he thinks this is sooooooo funny. I am not mad, but I don't get the humor either. not at all. not yet. He starts carrying on about how he wishes he had been there to see it and did I scream and jump and flail - laughing the whole time. now I am Pissy. and proceed to give him a big wet HUG! Now we can both enter the Wet SweatShirt Contest.

He follows me back in the kitchen - to check out the scene of the crime and retrieve some cough drops. He then made a huge tactical error. He stood too close. as in - within spraying distance close. so yes, nozzle in hand, I turn the water back on, and give him a taste of what he left for me this morning.

Now this is funny! Really funny to me. Not so much for him.

"What, I'm already sick! You want me to get pneumonia and DIE??!!" His exact words.

My first, immediate and only thought - "DON'T YOU DARE DIE AND LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THESE KIDS!!!"