Monday, November 07, 2005

child's play

A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else
in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp and make funny
noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your
mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes.
A girl is Innocence playing in the mud.
Beauty standing on its head,
and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.
~Alan Beck

my middle child - darling daughter #2 - had a friend over today after school. kind of a non-event - to most grown-ups anyway. I made every effort to watch and monitor from afar. And all went pretty well until DD#1 got home from school. Three girls is never a good idea - there is always an odd man (girl) out. And of course the odd girl was DD#1 - whom I am especially sensitive to as she is odd all on her own. I pay very close attention to how people treat and interact with her - due to the speech delay thing. I am thrilled and touched (deeply) when people make an honest effort to converse with her. I am ecstatic when they actually understand her - without my translations. So maybe I am the sensitive one. Okay, I am the sensitive one. She's actually pretty tough.

and while sisters are inherently mean to each other - and I am somewhat growing accustom to this, I still cannot tolerate the divisive behavior when a friend is thrown in the mix. because you see - I know what it feels like to be a little girl and to often be odd girl out. There is this huge desire to fit in, be accepted, to be liked. Heck, I'm not sure I can honestly say I ever out-grew those needs...

and the popular girls. sometimes I was one. most times, I was the one with my face up against the glass. I clearly remember one young friend telling me in third grade during recess that she was still my friend - albeit only because her mother told her she had to. I had a WONDERFUL dinner out with this friend a few years ago - at one of those casinos that got washed away - and I can sincerely say that to this day, she is still my friend - and without being told to do so by her mother (at least to my knowledge). And her mother - she's a saint.

so I know there are happy endings to the injustices of childhood. And I wish the exact same for my daughters - lots and lots of happy endings. And in truth, I would be perfectly happy if my daughters reveal themselves as the Popular Girls. But I wish this for them only if it is because they are kind, tolerant, funny, compassionate, loyal, loving and accepting of others.

ALL others. especially each other...

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