Happy Birthday Samantha

my first born - the one that smashed the $450 window out of my van yesterday - turns 7 years old today. daddy and i have agreed to put the window smashing punishment talk on hold until post birthday. of course i did tell her that for her birthday present, she's getting a nice, tinted new van window...

but i digress....

seven years ago right now i was already at the hospital. my first baby well on her way to being born. i don't know what i was more excited about at this point in the process - having a new baby or NOT being pregnant. i HATED pregnant. and i do mean HATED. three pregnancies - each the longest 40 weeks of my life. maternity leave - the fastest 6 weeks. how does that work??? the only thing i enjoyed and liked about being pregnant was feeling the baby move. now that is amazing and way cool. but other than that - nothing. i didn't even like the bigger boobies. I've always had big boobs. bigger ones was not something to write home about.
and those women that go around gabbing about how much they love love love being prego - i could just slap 'em.

Samantha was born shortly after lunch. she was perfect. 10 fingers and 10 toes. More hair than most puppies. the grandparents ooohhhed and awwwed over her. the aunts, uncles and cousins with the flu visited us. friends, neighbors. flowers and gifts.
She was welcomed and loved by all.

one of the more experienced nurses came in the first night and taught me the coolest trick. it's called kangarooing. apparently babies (and this prolly applies to grown men too) thrive with skin to skin contact. so this wonderful nurse takes my baby and strips her down to her diaper. has me open my gown and she places this nearly naked baby on my bare chest. the top of her head, right under my chin. her tiny pink body between my breasts. she then gently closes my gown over her, pulls the covers up, tucks us in, dims the light and leaves us like this. her fresh baby smell filled my head. her soft warm, silky skin on mine. the little wiggles and movements i already knew so well - now on the outside of my body. soft breathing baby sounds. it was magical.

most mornings when i wake her, like today, i sit in bed with her. she crawls into my lap and we snuggle love and rock back and forth while the sleep leaves her. and while she's a lot bigger now and doesn't always smell like a sweet newborn, i am often returned to that first night, holding my baby, her heart against mine...

Happy Birthday Big Girl.

be well

be happy

be content

be brave

be aware that you are loved more than you will ever know