a new leaf

I have been reading back over my blog entries for the past year.
It's been one heck of a ride. Kinda glad to see 2007 go.

One overwhelming theme from the past year is me being completely wound up in my kids.
bad, good, or otherwise - that's how it's been.

truth be told - i am a selfish person by nature. I'd like nothing better than to take care of myself first and everyone else can just form a line to the left. Hasn't been a whole lot of taking care of me lately.

The most selfish thing I have done the last quarter of this year is read a bunch of books.

That's about to change. First half of January I go on a cruise with a girlfriend. She is going on the cruise to study for her nurse practitioner boards. (seriously)

I am going with her to drink, read, sleep and pretty much do nothing else.
Rinse, repeat.

There is something else big coming up in my life next year that is all about me. I have started the ball rolling. I am planning to have bariatric surgery. Sometime in the summer. It will take me that long to meet the requirements for my insurance company.
I am DONE with this weight battle.
done.
toast.

People will say I am taking the easy way out.

I DO NOT CARE.
Say what you want.

I have done the hard way all I can stand. Since I was 13.
I have lost. and lost. and gained. and gained.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

People, please. anyone that can say they have ANY kind of relationship with food should consider that a problem, don't you think.

Think what you want. judge. i do not care.
I am going to do this.
For me.

and truthfully - for my kids too...

so much for being selfish in 2008.

And to all a good night...

t'was a busy holiday at our house.

shopping - groceries to feed 27 in-laws on Christmas Eve

chopping - food prep to feed 27 in-laws at my house

wrapping - no explanation necessary

cleaning - so the in-laws couldn't call me a total slob

threatening lives - the typical "Santa is WATCHING you" threat did not make a dent in my kid's behaviour for the entire month of December. I finally resorted to "IF YOU DO NOT BEHAVE I WILL SELL WHATEVER TOYS SANTA BRINGS YOU ON EBAY!"

This got their attention...

for about five minutes...

A wonderful holiday was had by all. I made huge pots of homemade seafood gumbo*, jambalaya with fresh beer bread and mexican cornbread for Christmas Eve. I'd rather do this than cook a traditional turkey dinner. And it was all a big hit.

*Note to self - when the Crab Boil says Concentrated, BELIEVE it.

So it's a little late, but Merry Christmas to all
And to all, a good night.

Smith - Christmas afternoon.

so tired, he couldn't even stay awake to play...

And The Oscar Goes To

The one with Middle Child Syndrome...

I do believe I have mentioned before that my second daughter, Savvy, suffers from a terminal and most severe case of Middle Child Syndrome. Also referred to in some circles as "You Love Them More Than You Love Me-itis."

I am hugely and painfully aware of her perceived disparity of my affection. And I work OVER-FREAKING-TIME to dispel this belief she holds so near and dear.

So recently, when she has showed an interest in theater and drama - i encouraged the HECK out of it. Told her that when we (finally) sell the house and move to the city - she can (and will) take drama classes, be onstage and BE AN ACTRESS!

Of course, as we all know - we did not sell the house as quickly as we thought we would - so her aspirations to be an actress have been placed on hold indefinitely - or so we thought....

a month or so ago, i got a note home from her music teacher about the upcoming Christmas program. Form letter thing - date, time and did we plan on our child participating.

HERE'S an OPPORTUNITY, I think! so I wrote back to the music teacher and asked her to phone me. and she did.

I briefly explained to her that Savvy had begun to show an interest in theater and if there was an appropriate part for her in the program, would she please consider Savvy for the role. PPPLLLLEEEAAASSSSSEEEEEEE. (we all know I am not above begging)

Music teacher told me that the older kids had already been given the speaking roles. I conceded, said I understood and I appreciated her calling.

A few days later, Savvy busts in from school - "I AM PLAYING NELLIE IN THE CHRISTMAS MUSICAL!!!!"

God Bless the Music Teacher!

Not being familiar with the Christmas character Nellie (except on Little House on the Prairie) I asked Savvy to tell me about her starring role.

"You know, mom - Jolly Old St Nicolas - 'Nellie wants a picture book...'"
"On the second song Mom, I don't wait for anyone to tell me what to do, I just GO DOWN FRONT! Mom, I just GO!"

This is HUGE to her. and I could kiss the music teacher for 'creating' this part for her. She even had her name in the program...

See for yourself this untapped youthful talent I have given birth too...
Savvy is front left in the GORGEOUS green velvet dress.

Little diva better thank me in her acceptance speech...

don't say i never gave you anything...

Santa, I can Explain (yeah, right)

Our Trip to See Santa - A Photo Essay...

Waiting in line...

Our au pair and Smith

Savvy and Sam - too cool for words

The picture. Sweet innocent "I've been good" smiles


And the real negotiations begin...

Oh Yes, I have been VERY good. Right Mom?

Not her, Me. I'm the good one!

Hey, I'm down here too. You big girls hush so I can tell Santa what I want!

After Santa, to the carousel.

Cannot pose for picture. Cannot be nice. Cannot tuck our shirts in.

Oh wait, what? You'll buy my a cookie?

Get over here you guys - one more picture...

But I ain't gonna smile pretty.

The End

MEME for Scarlett Wanna Be

Missy Scarlett Wanna Be tagged me for seven random things about myself. (go check her out, BTW. I feel we are kindred spirits in that she is Scarlett Wanna Be and I consider myself a Modern Day Scarlett. She's a great writer and funnier than hell, too!)

And since I am busier than a one armed paper hanger, i am cheating and copying an old post. It has been updated and is completely current. (forgive me SWB) Many more than seven...

(be careful what you ask for...)

1. i will be 40 in February
2. i do not believe in astrology signs
3. i do believe in God, heaven and hell.
4. i had a Disney childhood - stay at home Mom, Dad owned his own business- home for lunch several days a week. Perfect Grandparents. Vacations in Florida at the beach every summer. to the farm on the weekends for horseback riding and picnics.
5. i was loved completely and unconditionally by my parents.
6. still am.
7. my mom and i hated each other when i was a teenager
8. my dad hated both of us during this time
9. he won't admit it
10. my mom and husband were in the delivery room when my first daughter was born.
11. my mom, husband and my dad were in the delivery room when my second daughter was born.
12. my mom, husband, dad, cousin, brother-in-law and favorite next door neighbor were in the delivery room when my son was born.
13. we like parties
14. i have no modesty. none.
15. i had a tubal ligation after the third child
16. i was off the pill for three weeks when i got pregnant with my son.
17. my son was the surprise of my life but i wanted him more than i ever thought possible
18. i ate krispy creme doughnuts the night before my son was born and lied to the nurse about having eaten after midnight.
19. i don't mind shots
20. except in the mouth
21. i have two younger, good looking, hard working brothers. the 30 year old is not married - let me know if you're available and interested. i will post pictures. he will kill me for this.
22. everyone in my immediate family has a college degree.
23. my current career has NOTHING to do with my degree
24. i have wanderlust in my blood and MUST travel on a semi-regular basis
25. i went to Nicaragua when i was 9 years old
26. i remember first shooting a gun before I was 7 years old
27. i have been dove hunting
28. i never want to go again
29. i was and will always be a band geek - saxophone
30. i had the lead role in Arsenic and Old Lace and several other stage productions in college
31. i lived in Vail Colorado for two FABULOUS years straight out of college
32. i then spent seven of the most miserable months of my life in Baltimore, Maryland
33. i then moved back in with my parents
34. i love the snow and all snow-related activities - skiing, sledding, snowball fights, snow angels, snowmobiling - but my most favorite thing - is to just sit quietly and watch it fall from the heavens.
35. i have had my heart broken more times than i can count
36. the first time - i was 11. he was 12. true puppy love. and his family moved from mississippi to oregon
37. i am scared to swim in the ocean because of Jaws
38. i am generous to a fault
39. i am in the process of applying to my health insurance for bariatric surgery
40. i love my kids to pieces but sincerely believe i am a mediocre mom
41. i am impaired when it comes to balancing my checkbook
42. i have never ever, not even once done any illegal drugs. misused Mini Thins for awhile, but nothing beyond that
43. i have an addictive personality - which helps explain why i never had the guts to try drugs.
44. lost my virginity when i was 18 - to a guy 10 years older than me - who later slept with my best girl-friend. i hope he rots in hell. and if she's there with him, all the better.
45. i don't usually hold grudges, with the exception of #44.
46. i am not a jealous person. if you don't want to be with me - go.
47. i can drive a stick shift. my granddad taught me how to drive one - three on the tree.
48. i have been to a NASCAR race - camped at the track - and actually had a pretty good time doing it.
49. i met Whoopie Goldberg when i was a Sr in High School and she was AWESOME.
50. i have had backstage passes to several concerts.
51. one of my most favorite hobbies/past times has always been to seek out people as different from me as possible and pick their brains, get to know them, find out what makes them tick. almost always found that we weren't so different after all
52. i would like to be a groupie - for bon jovi
53. i love/lust jon bon jovi and would cheat on my husband with him if ever given the opportunity. husband knows this.
54. i came within seconds of proposing marriage to a complete stranger once. was backstage after JesusChrist SuperStar - with the original broadway cast. told my mom that if i met the amazingly beautiful man playing judas iscariot i would ask him to marry me. we met. i told him my plans for a proposal. He flashed his mega-watt, flirtatious smile and tells me he is waiting for the proposal and i chickened out... dammit dammit dammit
55. i am not shy. do not have a shy bone in my body. can talk to a fence post. and have.
56. i talk too much
57. was elected Most Outgoing my FRESHMAN year of High School
58. i have reconnected with numerous high school friends on FaceBook. i love them more than i ever remembered liking them.
59. i am a speed reader
60. i like to sing karaoke and have actually won a few contests
61. i have no tolerance for prejudice, bigotry, homophobia or stupidity
62. i found my first gray hair when i was 13 and have been a loyal follower of Ms Clairol ever since i was 19.
63. i can ride a horse - western and english
64. i met my husband at a funeral
65. i was a bartender at one time. i still mix a mean margarita.
66. i am too emotional for my own good
67. i have worked for the same company for over 11 years
68. i have a current and updated resume and it is not padded at all
69. i work most days in my PJs
70. i breast fed all three of my babies
71. my oldest daughter is a special needs child
72. i was a journalism major my first 2 1/2 years of college - but they insisted i be concise in my writing. concise is not in my repertoire...
73. my friends, especially from childhood, say i have impeccable phone manners
74. i make really good homemade guacamole
75. i love love love shoes and have 10+ pairs of black shoes alone.
76. fire-engine red toe nails - year round
77. no tattoos or unusual body piercings - except that my left ear is pierced twice and my right ear isn't. did it in Jr. high. never use the second hole any more...
78. i had braces on my teeth as a child. didn't wear the head-gear or retainers so I had them again as an adult - and paid for them out of my own pocket.
79. i love seafood - any kind - any way
80. i can shuck oysters with the best of them
81. i know how to eat crawfish. pinch the tails and suck the heads. yes, that's really how you do it
82. i make a kick-ass version of my Grandma's seafood gumbo
83. i believe in UFOs
84. i laugh out loud in movies
85. i love scary movies and talk to the characters in the film - such as "DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!" or "RUN!"
86. i love being on the water
87. i eat my steaks rare
88. my son's first name is my maiden name. he is named for my father.
89. i know how to sew
90. my great grandfather shot and killed a man in self defense
91. my absolute most favorite thing in the entire planet is a long, hot, smell-good, uninterrupted bath
92. i haven't been to the bathroom by myself in my own home for almost 9 years
93. i am really good at it but i loathe ironing clothes
94. i believe shopping is a sport
95. i am a hopeless romantic
96. i drive too fast
97. my parents sent me away from Small Town Mississippi for 9 summers in a row when i was growing up to show me that there is a big world out there. that and to just get rid of me.
98. five of those summers, i worked at Six Flags Over Georgia, in rides. best five summers of my life.
99. i have no idea how to program the time on my VCR
100. i believe you can have it all - just not at the same time...

bah humbug

I am a HUGE fan of Christmas.

really i am. have never had a scrooge moment in my entire life. ever.

until this year.

and all my Christmas decorations, arts and crafts supplies, wrapping paper and even my winter clothes are in storage. because of us trying to sell our house and move. I packed it all up back in May thinking we'd easily be moved into our new place long before cold weather and Christmas got here.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I have more Christmas decorations than Macy's.

okay, maybe i run a close second to Macy's - but you get the idea.

and i believe the wrapping of a gift is part of the present. I have all sorts of papers, bags, tissue, bows, ribbons, tags, gadgets and gizmos (in storage) to make my gifts the toast of the town.

So NOT having any of my supplies and decorations is really taking a toll on my holiday spirit. Don't get me wrong - I am putting up a really good front. Christmas is for the kids and I am too much of a boy scout to not do this right for them.

So next Saturday, on my 13th wedding anniversary, my hubby and I are going early in the morning to the warehouse where our POD is stored to unpack it and retrieve holiday decorations - I am only getting the tree, ornaments and stockings - and our winter wardrobes.




Sounds easy enough - but this is one of those 16'X8' pods and it is packed from top to bottom, front to back. my hubby considered it a mortal sin to send it to the warehouse for storage unless every square inch was filled to capacity.


Plus, one of my best girlfriend's birthday/Christmas present is in there and it will be like a needle in a haystack finding that. I bought it early last year and was so damn proud of it, I will find it and give it to her. And she better LOVE it. (or fake it really, really well!)


See, my Christmas spirit is tainted. warped.




I didn't even care for the picture my photographer did for my Christmas cards this year. Had to go shoot my own. This is what I am going with. What do you think? (and if you are one of the ones I send a card to, avert your eyes)

They are darling aren't they? I really do have to get my Christamas act together.

We're going to see Santa tomorrow. I told Savvy - who's really been on a nasty tear lately - "If Santa asks you if you've been good, you better not lie. It's never a good idea to lie to Santa."

Now she is refusing to go see Santa - as if that makes a difference to him. I explained that he already knows who's been naughty and nice. I told her the "Have you been good" question was just procedure.

So far, she's not convinced. This ought to be interesting...

i'm not dead

nor lost...

just been in HOTlanta for a week of work.
then been sick

and here...

Sam and Kasey Kahne

some overachieving moms are president of the PTO.

and some overachieving moms coach soccer teams.

not this mom.

i was first in line to meet Kasey Kahne.

i got there around 2PM and was literally the FIRST person in line to meet Kasey Kahne. (that's my empty seat there on the left.)

and i confess - i felt kinda foolish - until Sam arrived. and then SHE had a FRONT ROW SEAT! ahead of more than 400 other fans.

then it was worth the FIVE HOUR WAIT and looking like a complete GOON! me, the domestic haus frau, in my boot cut jeans and tommy sweater, not a stitch of NASCAR clothing on my person camped out in the #1 spot. i was perhaps the ONLY person there without some sort of NASCAR paraphernalia attached to me - planted at the front of the line for FIVE hours.

interestingly enough, i discovered when you are first in line, everyone feels the need to ask you how early or what time you go there (to get the prime spot.) after answering this question honestly a few times, i started responding with "about 15 minutes past crazy."


and it turned out good to have Sam up front for practical purposes too - she only did a very mild freak out when Kasey got there and we were able to get her in and out quickly before the crowds and noise could overwhelm her.

i wish i could put into words the look she had on her face when she first walked up to the store an hour before he arrived and saw all the people and the commotion. I caught sight of her before she saw me. She had just found out what her surprise was - that she was to meet Kasey Kahne IN PERSON.

you'd expect her to have this monumental grin from ear to ear. right?

instead, she looked completely mortified.

terror, panic and anxiety were molded onto her sweet little face.

one component in her myriad of issues is separation anxiety - specifically separation from me. and it hits her sometimes at the most unpredictable times. when i saw her walking up, she looked like she would be perfectly happy to have her long severed umbilical cord literally reattached to my gut.


then she saw me and her face glowed! beamed! she ran into my arms.

she was wearing her new Kasey t-shirt i bought her especially for the occasion. my mother in law said when she pulled it out of the bag and told Sam to put it on, Sam knew something was up and she jumped all around the house. mother in law is a saint. she has some serious back pain going on but insisted on coming up there to witness Sam meeting her idol.

MIL and hubby kept telling Sam how lucky she was to have me. that she should feel very special that i would get there early enough to get Sam at the front of the line. my MIL told sam that SHE wouldn't do that for her kids. i said, "oh yes you would." and she looked me dead in the eye and replied, "No, I wouldn't." and i believed her.

Sam on the phone with Aunt 'Lisa -

"YES! I AM GOING TO MEET KASEY KAHNE!"

in my mental game plan I had planned for hubby to approach kasey with sam to get her his autographs and i would play photographer in the background. he corrected this assumption. he decided that he would take the photos and i would talk to Kasey with sam.


which was a really good decision in some respects (the ones that count) and a really SUCKY decision in some selfish ways. hubby did not get NEAR the pictures i had envisioned. nowhere near what i wanted. (and i am trying so hard to not complain.) but if i had taken the pics and not been right beside her when she met Kasey - coaching and coaxing as she allows only ME to do - she likely would have wigged out and it would not have been a great experience. so i am content with the knowledge that the actual experience could not have been any better for her - even if the collection of pictures is sparse.

so Kasey arrived. walked out the front door of the store - so close sam could have reached out and touched him. cutest fella you can imagine!

we approached the table and i introduced sam to kasey - and he to her. i had given my letter to his manager before Kasey got there so I explained to Kasey that sam did not know she was coming to meet him until an hour earlier so i wrote a fan letter for her. he smiled at her sweetly. and as expected, she clammed up. wouldn't hardly say Boo to him, grinned a silly smile from ear to ear - and basked in EVERY SINGLE MILLISECOND OF IT.

Kasey signing Sam's hat.

when all her items were signed, her daddy reminded her to tell Kasey she'd see him Sunday at the race - so she did. and she paused. i asked her, "Sam would you like to shake Kasey's hand?" she barely nodded. he extended his hand, smiled at her again and took her small trembling hand in his and shook it.

and then it was someone else's turn to meet him. and we moved on.

(See the guy in the back ground - that's his manager.

The envelope on the table in front of him is my letter.)

This is Sam's I Just Met Kasey Kahne smile.

Can you see the stars in those baby blues?

* * * * * *

this morning, the first thing she said to me was "Thank You Moma. Thank you for letting me meet Kasey Kahne." she repeated the sentiment about eight more times before she and her dad left for the track.

and that, my dear friends, is the story of when Samantha met Kasey Kahne.

is this totally queer*?

(* queer as in weird, odd, geeky, stupid or silly)

i have written the following letter and plan to give it to Kasey Kahne tomorrow when Sam meets him. i know he can't read it on the spot - but was hoping he'd read it after the event. this is going to be such a HUGE deal for her - i just want him to know that. is that just too weird/odd/geeky/stupid/silly??? (in the actual letter, I put a picture of Sam in her Kasey Kahne t-shirt)


Dear Kasey,

This is my eight year old daughter Samantha - or as she prefers, Sam.

I am certain it is a HUGE deal for all of your fans to meet you in person & I am most grateful you make yourself available like this. I briefly wanted to share with you how BIG a deal it is for Sam to meet you & what it means to her to be a Kasey Kahne fan.

Sam has many challenges. She has normal intellect but works very hard to overcome ADHD, dyslexia, apraxia (a neurological issue that causes a profound speech delay) as well as the behavior issues that go hand in hand with the rest. She attends a private school in Dallas that provides an extremely intensive curriculum & therapies geared to her specific challenges.

Sam discovered NASCAR & YOU two years ago at Texas Motor Speedway. She earned a trip to the races because of her school work. We have 8 PSLs at TMS & each family member has their own driver they cheer for. Sam chose you as her driver (with a little direction from her Dad.)

At her first race, she did not leave her seat. Not for food, drinks, to explore & seldom for the bathroom. She did not fidget. She was transfixed. Through her headphones, she asks her dad repeatedly, "Where's #9, Daddy?" He helped her keep up with you throughout the race. And all this from a kid with severe ADHD.

She has worn out at least two Kasey t-shirts in two years. Is overly protective of her Kasey hats & sleeps with a Kasey pillow every night. And I do mean every single night. She lost the pillow once while she was visiting my family in Mississippi last summer. Pandemonium broke out & it NEVER happened again! (Her granddaddy actually put a nail in the wall by her bed to hang the pillow on.)

I know you have devoted fans. Some likely know every single published fact about you. Sam's not one of those. But she is devoted nonetheless. She's not into Disney stars, singers, actors or boy bands - you are IT for her. Rarely does a day go by without your name coming up in her conversations.

Meeting you today will be an experience Sam will never forget (and we'll likely never hear the end of.) If you have ever made the mistake of thinking that your life's work is only about cars, appearances, sponsors and the next big race - please allow me to convince you otherwise. You bring a great deal of happiness, excitement & joy to the every day life of one very special little girl in Small Town, Texas.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

*******************************

Feedback please. and QUICKLY...

there will be no dried ink

what i couldn't tell you earlier this week - what i wanted to tell you - but didn't want to jinx - was that we had a contract on our house and had put a contract on a new house.

the contract on our house fell through last night because the buyers could not come up with the funds. therefore we had to opt out of the contract we put on the house in the city. a GORGEOUS house, inside and out, pool, new everything, almost a half acre lot, et al.

the funny thing - i am okay with losing that house. not thrilled about it - but okay. i believe completely in Divine Intervention. and if we were (are) meant to have that house - it would have (will) happen. though i doubt seriously that house will last five minutes on the market. it is perfect. we put a contract on it the day it was listed. so for all practical purposes, we have lost that house.

but i have to believe that just means that a better house is waiting for us. something closer to Sam's school. or with a three car garage for the hubby. or one with five bedrooms instead of four so the girls don't have to share. or a better school district for Savvy and Smith. who knows...

what i am not so kosher with is the CRAZY STUPID IDIOT woman that tried to buy our house. it was to have been a cash deal. she was to have taken a check to the title company for the entire amount when she executed the contract. we signed the contract, got it to her and she never took it in. so we were left hanging for 10 days by this vile, evil, unscrupulous woman. last night was the end of her option period so she had to 'fess up that she did not have the moola.

the first time i met her, she looked me in the eye and lied to my face about having just bought a $750K house down the road.

fool me once...

Planned Parenthood & Me

i am a huge proponent of Planned Parenthood. have been for many years. i don't usually broadcast it but am not afraid nor ashamed to admit it either.

and for those of you innocently ignorant of the facts, Planned Parenthood in NOT synonymous with Abortion.

nothing could be further from the truth.
PP is about informed, professional health care for women AND men.

in fact, PP probably does more than any other US agency in existence to prevent abortions.

huh?! you ask...

PP is one of the largest providers of birth control to women out there, particularly low income .
shut down PP and you shut down women's access to birth control.
then let's talk about unwanted pregnancies and back alley abortions.

anywho, there is a renewed attack on Planned Parenthood and their clinics lately.

it makes me crazy.

in response, PP has a new blog - and I want to share it with you. .
It's I Am EmilyX.
I am adding it to my links on the left..
In addition to the link to the Planned Parenthood site.

Read it; if you agree, ADD IT TO YOUR BLOG!

in sharing this here, i am doing my small part to educate and support a woman's right to excellent health care as well as her right to choose when and how to start a family.

i am the mother of three small children. two of them are daughters. i don't want them to get a tattoo much less have to choose whether or not to have an abortion. but i will defend to my death their right to make any and all health care decisions that relate to their bodies.

will you?

hey, can i get a valium with that?

i have not blogged here lately. (made an update on my other blog yesterday)

not b/c i have nothing to say (get real people - i always have something to say!)

but because there is something going on that i don't want to talk about

oh, i really do want to talk about it.

want to tell everyone about it.

but i am afraid if i talk about it, i will jinx it ...
and the situation is precarious enough without me putting a hex on it.
and it is HUGE!

my stress anxiety level is off the freaking charts.
can't even put it into words.

here's a hint - it has to do with us moving...

that's all i will say until the ink is dry.

crazy.insane.pee.in.your.pants.EXCITED

that would be me.

this would be my girl, Sam, completely unaware of the upcoming excitement!

this picture was taken at Texas Motor Speedway. wearing her favorite driver on her shirt.

this would be her driver, Kasey Kahne, #9, red and black Dodge car.

Meet Kasey.

isn't he just adorable? i mean pinch his cheeks, cute as apple pie adorable.

and Sam ADORES Kasey. and has for two years. since her first NASCAR race. (click and go read the original post on Sam and NASCAR- it's priceless)
but know - there are no rock stars, disney musical stars, tv personalities she is crazy for. it is nothing or nobody but Kasey for Sam.

she sleeps with her Kasey pillow every night. in fact, this house cannot go to bed in the unlikely (and catastrophic) event that pillow goes missing. this past summer when she visited with my folks in Mississippi, my Dad put a nail in the wall by the bed so every morning he could hang the pillow on the wall (the pillow has a handle.) this way, every night they would know exactly where it was. i think the pillow went missing once and he was making darn sure it never happened again.

that's all well and good - but why the excitement you ask....

NASCAR is in texas next month. which means Kasey is in texas next month. of course Sam has her very own tickets to ALL the races. and that's pretty darn cool that an eight year old has $230 worth of race tickets for herself. but not pee in your pants exciting...

Kasey is doing a meet and greet for his fans at BONOS RACE PLACE OF PLANO a few days before the race. And guess who is going to be there with bells on!

YES, US!!!

it gets better.

the HUGELY nice guy that owns the store is a long time friend of my brother in law and his wife. that's how i even knew Kasey was going to do the appearance - from bil & sil. so at the urging of my sister in law, i phoned this fella up and explained to him about Sam and her challenges. not so much because i wanted to ask for special treatment for her but to let him know what a HUGE Kasey fan Sam is and explain how she has issues that might possibly intrude on her experience of meeting him in person.

the owner guy was great about it. could not possibly have been nicer. even talked to kasey's people about her. (I!love!this!guy!) They told me that if she wigs out because of all the people or just meeting him in person that she can meet him quietly in a back room. HOLY CHIT!

and I am crazy, not stupid (see previous post). We are not telling her about this until it is time to GO to the race store and meet him. not a word. hubby, me, and the rest of the family are about to pee in our pants we are so excited for her. this will easily be the biggest (good) thing to happen to her in her life thus far!

i have it all mapped out in my head. she gets out of school at 4:15 that afternoon. the meet and greet is from 7 - 9 PM. she does not have school the next day. (thank you Lord for small blessings!)

so MIL will pick Sam up from school and take her to her house to clean up and get dressed. i have bought her a new Kasey Kahne t-shirt for the occasion.

i will go around 3 or 4 and get in line. you have to have a wrist band to get an autograph - and I already have mine (sam's).

hubby will go pick her up after he gets off work and they will meet me at Bono's.

two weeks from today.
and counting.
i don't know if i can stand it.

my near brush with stupid

tonight, my mom had a three hour layover at DFW on her way home to Mississippi from Oregon. So the kids and i loaded up and drove to the airport to meet her. It was dinner time. And due to all the new security rules, only ticketed passengers can get to the restaurants at DFW. So we just picked her up at the curb and headed to McDonald's. As Mom pointed out as I begrudgingly agreed to a meal at Mickey D's "The kids can play as we can visit." That sounded good.

so we got there. Made a bathroom stop and then the kids went straight to the inside playground. Mom said she would watch the kids while I go order dinner.

So I went and ordered our meal. paid for it. got mine and mom's drinks and brought them to the table. As i put them down, i heard Smith screaming. (and only mom's know when it is the real scream or the fake scream. this was a real one.) i darted over to the bottom of the slide where all the kids appeared to be, looked up the slide and could see my son trapped and panicked under other children - all bigger and older than he.

I looked at Sam and she was upset trying to help him. I first pulled on Sam and she would not budge. So I grabbed the little boy (b/t 9 and 11 years old) on top of them and pulled him out. Then I could reach Smith and pull him out. I immediately set Smith down and before even checking to see if he was okay, turned to the other little boy I had just pulled out to apologize. I knew i had not hurt him but wanted to make sure his dignity was in tact.

no sooner did i get the words "I am sorry, are you okay?' our of my mouth that this mountain of a woman came lumbering up to me and grunts,

"Did you just put your hands on my nephew?"

Not wanting to start a fight and wanting to clear things up immediately, i replied, "Yes, Mam. But i immediately apologized to him."

"Good" she snorted.

trying to explain myself, I said, "My son was trapped and I was trying to get him out."

"You shouldn't let him play in there if he is too little."

WTF!

I am thinking to myself, he's three years old. bigger than most kids his age and gets the shit beat out of him regularly by his two older sisters. this kid is NOT too little for the playgrounds at McDonalds'.

"He's not too little." i snap back.

the gloves are off.

She started telling me how he was too little if he got trapped.

all I could think was that if your kids knew to get off a freaking slide when they got to the bottom instead of trying to climb back up, none of this would be a problem.

But I did not want to involve the kids, hers or mine.
She kept at me, I returned fire.

Finally I told her to "SHUT UP!"
She replies "You gonna make me?"

Then and only then did i realize I was dealing with a really stupid person that apparently was taking some perverse pleasure in spoiling everyone's good time.

I walked away. Sat my kids down with my mother and walked back into the restaurant to get our food. After a brief exchange with the managers and trying to find out if there indeed was a size/age restriction on the playground and telling them about the crazy woman in the play room - I could still hear her in there yelling at my Mom. Then she walked up to the counter with a cell phone and said "You da manager. My sister want to talk to you." Apparently she needed back up.

At this point I told them to bag up my food, I was leaving.

Went back in, got my kids and walked out. While sitting by the door, putting on shoes and socks, i could still hear her at the counter ranting and raving. "My kids were just fine till they got here."

and then i heard one of her kids out by the play yard yell, "you need to teach yo kids how to behave."

i am not kidding. you cannot make this stuff up.

At this point, i told my Mom that if I had to walk over there by her I was likely going to punch her lights out. So Mom sent me to the car with the kids and she got our food.

Mom tells me the employees apologized. whatever.

that woman and her kids followed out shortly behind us and were getting in their car when we left. I can only hope that the manager asked them to leave.

In the van, one of my kids says, "That woman was stupid." I always try to separate the person from the behavior and was opening my mouth to say "No, she just acted stupid."

Before i could draw breath, my mom responds, "Yes, she was very stupid."

this time, she got it right...

i went to the animal fair

truthfully, i went to the State Fair of Texas.

and i met brutus.

i am posting this picture for my friend, scarlett wanna be

she needs a pick-me-up today. and the other day when i met brutus at the Texas State Fair, i immediately thought of my new blogger bud, Scarlett WB.

um, ms scarlett - i don't think there's any mistaking the anatomy here...

whadaya say?

and you know what they say (and apparently there's some truth to it) EVERY THING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS!

we want the funk

Here's mine. I love this...

the au pair has a wicked sense of humor

this happened friday night and i have been dying to blog it all weekend...

so late friday, kids are all home, i am getting dinner ready, hubby is running late from work.

kids, all eight of them (okay, so it's really only three - but it feels like EIGHT!) were running through the house playing, screaming, yelling, whooping and hollering at the TOP of their lungs. Having a ball - being relatively nice to each other - but louder than a rock concert on acid.

i walk over, grab a beer out of the fridge, pop the top, take a long draw, turn to the the au pair, nod my head toward the melee and tell her...
"my kids make me drink beer"

in her delightful german accent she tells me, "i think it should be whiskey."

we've got a live one!

here's your sign

so i am going to atlanta in november for work.

and i figure it's time to get serious and lose a few (or a LOT of) pounds so perhaps my business clothes will fit me when i go. haven't seen these folks in awhile and don't want to be popping my buttons whilst there.

so this morning - to get off on the right foot, i grabbed a cup of prepackaged fresh grapefruit - in it's own juice. (which is delicious if you add a pkg of splenda)

i open it, stick a spoon in it, take it to my office and sit it on my desk by the keyboard.

step away from my desk for a sec.

return to my desk.

go to sit down and as i lean forward just a bit in order to properly plant my bottom in my seat, my big 'ole honking left boob catches the spoon and flips the cup over onto my desk. spilling the juicy contents everywhere.

SHOOOTTT! i yell at the top of my lungs. (new au pair is here and i am not comfortable just yet yelling SH*T and F*CK.)

so i clean up the mess, suck down the last bite or two and go to drink the last few saved sips of nectar.

which promptly leaks out a hole in my lower lip and drips down between BOTH boobies.

now, i mutter SH*T under my breath...

i take all this as a sign.

i am having a candy bar and ice cream for breakfast tomorrow and then going to buy some new clothes...

the latest

so here's the rundown...

i have a sinus infection that is kicking my a*s.

the au pair is here and she is everything we hoped for and more. seriously. should have done this three years ago - i might still be sane...

we all got flu shots yesterday and my arm really hurts, dammit.

smith got bit at school by a little girl in his class. broke the skin. her mom called me and was mortified. i told her to lighten up. this is nothing in the scheme of things. (i had already called my ped - she said he was up to date on his shots and would live.)

smith threw a brick at sam's head and she has a nasty blueish-green bump on her forehead. the resulting bruise has taken a downward direction and she looks like she has a black eye. (you can see why the bite didn't rattle me so much.)

savvy has an IQ higher than mine. just got the test results. raw scores and all - but still - i see this as a real problem. and you can bet your sweet patootie i will NOT be telling her this.

in the process of negotiating an offer on our house that i seriously doubt will go through.

going to atlanta for a week in november for work. hope we aren't moving then...

that's all i got.

you?

9/11 - I Will Not Forget

like many other significant dates in our country's history, i remember exactly and clearly the morning of September 11, 2001.

i was home with a five month old baby, a two year old toddler and my nanny (from Lebanon). doing normal morning stuff.

when my dad called. he asked if we were watching the news. he knew i seldom, if ever, turn the tv on in the morning.

so i walked to the den, flipped on the tv and the first image i saw was the twin towers in flames.

then i watched them crash down - with thousands trapped inside.

i watched as the pentagon was attacked.

i watched brave americans perish in pennsylvania as they fought back.

i wasn't the mother, sister, wife or friend of anyone lost that day. but i quickly realized i had an intimate connection to the loss. i am an american and i was a target. my children are targets.

(this image quickly became one of my favorites.

The artist is Eliza Gauger, a (then) 17-year-old student from Bellingham, Washington)

and today, six years later, americans are still targets. we are no safer today than we were then. there is a great deal of propaganda out there that would have us believe we are safer and the war on terrorism is being won.

i'm sorry.
did I miss something?
war on terrorism???
was it saddam that masterminded the 9/11 attacks?

no wait! he was the convenient scapegoat that allowed dubya to avenge his father's failures in the first gulf war while at the same time lining the pockets of dick cheney.

good ole' bait and switch.
nothing more than a cheap carnival trick.

i didn't buy it then.
i don't buy it now.

what a farce -
and a pathetic tribute to the americans that lost their lives six years ago today.

it's not much - but I will remember.

and i honor you today.

**********

for a much better editorial by Anna Quindlen, click here.